Dreams 03.20.12

I was at a house party, leaning against a wall. I was surrounded by a couple guys. The one on the left was his ex’s cousin who in real life just left his other ex (the one who lived at our house). The one on the right was some dude I used to know in film school, the one who, on a regular night out to a bar between two friends (or so I thought), dropped me off at home at end of night, gave me a huge bouquet of flowers and lunged at me for a kiss.

I remember not feeling too comfortable with these two but I could keep them at bay. Then my husband (who I knew of in the dream but he wasn’t my husband nor were we friends, just a guy I know) approaches with his drunk friend. This one I do not recognize in real life. They just kind of zoned in on me between these other two fat idiots. The drunk friend just came up, pressed his body against me, hand on my waist and started making drunk conversation. I remember drunk flirting back even though I wasn’t drunk at all.

Then I was fumbling in my pocket for my cigarette case and drunk guy fumbled for his phone because he thought I had my phone and was going to use the opportunity to ask for my number. Somehow he ended up resting 2 of his phones on my left boob and still fumbling for the “right” phone, which was apparently still in his pocket. My stance was slightly leaned back and seeing him act foolishly I started laughing and the phones slipped down my chest.

Then I made a lame joke about how my rack isn’t good enough but this drunken simpleton didn’t even understand. He tried to ease my insecurity about my small breasts and said something like no they are lovely. I just smiled and thanked him but yelled over the loudness of the party, NO I MEANT THEY AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH AS RACKS, TO HOLD UP STUFF! Then he “got” it but still looked confused. I just kept smiling and tried to enjoy the rest of the party.

I’m pretty sure there was a lot more that happened before in this dream. I feel like I had more of it when I first woke up this morning. Whatever progress I made before seems to have all gone backwards. Why are all my memories so slippery?

I’ve been looking up vitamins and supplements, about Alpha Brain, galantamine, acetylcholine, etc. Then I wondered if there were things in my diet that could help improve my dreaming. And I thought about mushrooms, ayahuasca, ibogaine, and about psychedelic drugs. I have never done any because I am afraid of getting physically sick. The only thing I could try is possibly mushrooms but ick! Also I have not heard any of my friends having any “spiritual” vision but maybe you have to seek it in order to get it.

I guess I just really want to see and experience a vision or a series of visions that could clarify the fog in my head. I don’t really know if I necessarily want to use tweak my system with drugs or supplements to get there but obviously I don’t have a lot of control over mind or body yet.

I just NEED to remember more. I NEED to be able to talk to me, subconscious me, the true me, the best me. I NEED to become lucid, to control who I see or talk to. One step at a time.

It was very nice yesterday because my husband made dinner which freed up time so that we walked the dog together after tv & digestion. Then I was able to keep walking/running around the block a few more times.

Hmm, just a thought. I always give up, rest or go slow after a short while of exercising. I wonder if I could run until exhaustion with an alertness and emptiness of mind. Then when body collapses from exhaustion, would my brain shut off or would my consciousness keep running in dream mode?


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