Another Happy New Year’s Eve

Dreams 07.05.12

I just arrived at a house party with someone. I think it was my husband. It was New Year’s Eve and the house was a small mansion. Actually we were in a neighbourhood of small mansions and there were parties going on all down the street. We had just party hopped from a few houses before.

I didn’t NOT want to be at the NYE party but I wasn’t too happy because hopping from place to place meant not having the chance to really talk to people, not getting to “know” them. It was just a lot of woo-woo s and rah-rahs and while that is fun at times, I didn’t want to spend my whole night (wow I just wrote “life” instead of “night” there) doing that.

Also we had left my car with skis or some sport equipment cargo strapped on the roof haphazardly on some other mansion’s lot much further down the street. I was also worrying that maybe I didn’t lock the car. I mentioned to husband my worries, that I wanted to go check and come back, which meant walking a long way. He kept saying don’t worry about it, it’s fine. I probably mentioned I could just go on my own, at least I would in real life. And he would probably respond by saying stop worrying about it, we’ll check when we leave. Which…really isn’t checking because my car could be gone by then.

Anyway, I’m not entirely sure this last bit happened. I just know I spent the rest of the time at the party worrying about my car but also fearing that if I went to check on it, husband might be upset with me. I started to feel isolated despite being surrounded by all the party-goers and I definitely wasn’t enjoying the festivities. I didn’t want to be the lonely sad sap amidst the fun so I withdrew, not sure where husband disappeared to at this point. He was just not there anymore.

I was relieved when I ran into my friend AT. We chatted a bit, stayed topical in our subjects. He could tell something was bothering me but didn’t ask/push. He had a look of interest while we interacted but underneath there was a quiet concern.

Then I was talking to my mom on the phone for some reason, not sure who called who. I must’ve let her know that I was “stranded” at a party, even though I wasn’t. We were arguing because she was saying that she would come get me and I told her it’s fine she didn’t need to. All the while AT was hanging out beside me in the corner, not sure what to do with himself. I was embarrassed. I remember specifically yelling to my mom over the phone, “I am not asking for your help. Do NOT come! I cannot believe this! Mom, I am 30 years old, why am I even asking?!”

And then I looked up and she was standing there, at the house party. I was furious.

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