Playacting and Documentaries

Been back from vacation since Monday. I went to my bff’s wedding in London UK. It was a wonderful time in which I was able to mostly be in the moment and just enjoy a taste of what being free and surrounded by my bff and a wonderful group of people felt like. It was exhilarating! In many ways it renewed my dwindling hope from being stuck for an ever extending period of time and relit the fire within me to change my life to how I choose to live it.

During that time, I let my dreams fade into the ether and for many nights just stopped remembering I had dreamt at all. Now that I am back, I want to continue to use my dreams to remember that there are other possibilities. Lucid dreaming is still a side goal and analysis of dream meanings will take a back seat. The goal is to continue to remember my dreams, enjoy them, and move forth towards other possibilities without fear.

Dreams 03.22.13
I was in a large auditorium/theatre. There was a stage and two levels of seating. I was in costume with big hair walking around. There were rehearsals for a play happening onstage and I was part of the show. However my cue had not come yet so I was just circulating. I ran into another person who had a similar role as me, also with big 80s hair. We just laughed at each other about how silly we looked.

Then I took out my GN7 tablet and tried to take a photo of myself with the front facing camera. The composition kept being slightly off and I was struggling to twist or turn the device to get it to the way I wanted. Just as my buff walked by, I laughed out loud and grabbed her. I showed her how I kept trying to move the device the opposite way I was supposed to in order to get the picture I wanted. No wonder it wasn’t working. I felt a touch embarrassed but it was no biggie.

Next I was walking home to a little street level apartment. The streets I walked past looked kind of like HK. The apartment was shared between me and my mom. I was rushing back because a documentary film crew was supposed to come to interview me. In fact, a bunch of my family members were supposed to come to our tiny apartment and be in it as well. As I was in my bedroom, prepping, getting dressed for the interview, my mom asked me when everyone else was coming. I looked at the time. Everyone including the crew were late. I was hoping my family would arrive first so I could settle them in before the crew arrived so that the crew could capture the more “real” parts of how my family interacted.

I went to the front door and saw from different sides of the street, my dad and my step brother, my step mom followed in tow, then my uncle and cousins all about to cross the street to my place from different directions. I knew they would all arrive at the same time and then there would be like 30 minutes of loud, greeting, friendly type behavior. I thought to myself, this interview is going to take a long time to get right. It might even be one of those days when the crew plans everything just right, expect the work to be short and easy but end up getting absolutely nothing out of it. I had a brief moment of “oh shit” but it passed swiftly. I decided we’d have to just wait and see what happened when the crew actually arrived.

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