A Very Unneccesary Retreat

Dreams 06.10.13
I was with husband at what could only be called an adult camp. Groups of people, family friends, families, even singles would sign up for an extended stay. Each day there were organized activities and free time. It was a big campus and you were free to leave to explore or tour the surrounding small town attractions.

Depending on the group size, they put you up either in bed and breakfasts in the surrounding area, the hotel or in the dormitories. Husband and I were in a bed and breakfast. I was walking around the bed and breakfast just exploring and taking in the surroundings. It was a musty old house but it had its charm. I noticed that all the lamps, ceiling, table or standing had their shades removed to allow for more light. I guess otherwise the place would just look old and creepy. Whoever removed the had set the shades just off in a corner of the room, not hidden but just out of the way.

I don’t know where husband was but I wandered outside towards the main grounds of the campus. I suppose husband was still back at the bed and breakfast, talking on the phone doing “business”. I walked around the large field on campus. It was free time right now so the field was full of people having picnics, playing frisbee and generally people having fun.

From a distance I saw a group of friends all sitting on a large blanket under a tree. Most of them were playing a card game while some of the girls were just laying on the grass soaking up sun. Although there wasn’t much sun to speak of. It was actually kind of cloudy, grey and gloomy. The group looked like they were enjoying themselves. I felt quite left out as I didn’t expect to see them at all. No one ever invites me anywhere anymore because I never go and I never see them.

I was only here because husband asked me to come and I only agreed because our good friends MnF were going to come up as well. They had not arrived yet but they were usually late. I walked up to the group under the Grrr and said hello. Everyone was surprised to see me and they were friendly. They asked where my husband was, assuming we were here for some alone time. I found myself explaining right away that husband was off somewhere I didn’t know but that we were here with other people. When they asked who, I told them MnF were coming but I found myself embellishing, saying possibly a few more people, people they didn’t know, would be coming up. I was just throwing out random names off the top of my head.

Then there was an awkward silence between me and the group. I realized I had been standing all this time and they had not asked me to sit and join then. Although I could’ve just sat and made myself comfortable without a thought, now that I’ve separated myself, I made myself distant. So I took that as my cue to just walk away. They’ll think what they think, probably nothing at all. It was all in my head.

As I walked away I felt very lonely. I looked at my phone to see what time it was, wondering how much longer I would be here in this really nice place with the wrong people, not enjoying myself. I decided to call MnF to see when they were arriving. F picked up the phone. He wounded groggy and tired. I could hear the sound of M and several kids around him, probably their nephews and nieces. I thought it might be nice if they brought the kids as well. Then F started talking and before he said it, I knew they weren’t coming. They had overslept and for whatever reason he was now trying to tell me on the phone with me not even listening, they were not going to come. I was so disappointed and sad. F was still talking but my mind had wandered to thinking how many hours I would be here with husband, not really wanting to do anything WITH him, not really able to do anything else without him out of politeness, out of wanting to avoid a fight, while waiting for him to get off the phone to be able to do something, anything.

Eventually I wandered back to the b&b. When I stepped in, I could hear husband all upset, yelling at someone on the phone. The shipment he was waiting for, here, at this mini vacation he invited me to, was not going to arrive, because someone else messed up. So us being here, was pointless, absolutely unnecessary. I heard him hang up the phone and saw him come down the stairs to look for me. I was just standing there at the front door, staring into space trying to accept the reality of my next x number of hours.


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