Weekend at a Cabin

Dreams 06.21.13
I dreamt that I went to a cottage with a lot of friends that I have known a long time but had lost touch with. I was happy to be there but the highlight of the trip was that the cottage next to us was owned/occupied by JR. He was very cool about things and got along with quite a few people in our group including me. During the time we met he was also very nice about us hanging out and using the areas on his property.

When he found out we were all leaving the next day, he invited the group of us over to chill, sit around a fire pit, beers, smoke, etc. I remember very little about the firepit, just that it was pleasant and that I sat beside him, leaned in ckose to get in on a conversation with several others and there were a few other brush-by moments between me and him where I sensed “something”.

At the end of the night at like 3 in the morning, everyone was tired and slowly making their way back over to our cabin or helping clean up. I remembering cleaning and lingering, wondering how and if I should do what I wanted to do.

When everyone else had cleared out,  only he and I were left, bringing things inside. He thanked me and said we should leave the rest. We were making our way to the door to say goodbye but I turned around and said something like, “I don’t want to impose…but what if I stayed here with you tonight?”

He understood my meaning and without saying anything else he shut the door behind me. We headed to the bedroom and a bit of a time jump happened. Our clothes were off, we were lying on the bed, him on top of me. I don’t think we had really done anything yet besides holding each other but in this position we just looked into each others’ eyes for a while, getting to know each other. Then we kissed. It felt very nice, just naked bodies mashed against each other, not too grabby or sloppy. The only way to describe the best part of the experience was the respectfully passionate and clean-slate-ness of it.

Then he said, “You see that side dresser?” I nodded. Then he said he wanted me to get up on it and kneel on all fours. I gladly complied and looked back at him, waiting eagerly to see and feel what he would do. The air on my bare skin made me goose bumpy but I felt safely vulnerable. I watched as he came up behind me slowly with a mischievous grin on his face.

Just as he placed his palm on one of my ass cheeks, the door slammed open. A woman, who was a mother figure, either mine or his, came into the room, shocked at the sight. We instantly stopped and I got off the dresser to find something to cover up. There was an instant reaction, a reflex to the “shame” even though I really didn’t feel wrong about it at all.

Then I remember standing in front of this woman for some time clutching a sheet to cover myself, trying to convince her that what she saw wasn’t a bad thing. I said something about my zero commitment to my marriage at this point, about what a good person he was, about how we are just two adults doing what adults do. She was just kind of paralyzed by the surprise and she didn’t respond much to what I said.

Eventually he told me in a nice way that I had better go. I was sad and I could see it on his face as well that he was also disappointed that we did not get to finish what we started. The moment I Ieft his house I felt the unsatisfied urges within me well up. I longed to just go back inside and jump him. But alas, i squashed those feelings and went back to the cabin.

I decide right then that I was just gonna grab my things and drive home in the middle of the night. There were still some people up saying cards, people that I knew but not well. They didn’t question my decision to leave in the middle of the night. I scrambled for my belongings, stomping through the cabin, excusing myself as I barged through their game to find my keys in the other corner of the room. When I got them I went to the front foyer to put my shoes on. I overheard someone say, “She doesn’t look it but sometimes she gets really ruffled doesn’t she?” I took that to heart. I wasn’t offended but it made me think about the impression I put out to people.

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