Fantasies

Dreams 10.18.13
(WARNING: Sexually explicit)
The first part of the dream that I remember…I was in the closet putting away laundry. Then my go-to fantasy ideal Mr. JR approaches me from behind and I felt my pants slipping down as we (here come a lot of seemingly contradictory words) clumsily and playfully acted out an aggressive rape fantasy. I felt his stiff, chubby c*ck penetrate me from behind and it felt delicious. It’s so much fun to dream about sex and actually remember the feeling. Then we rolled onto the floor but because the closet was so small, at one point I had to shield his left brow and eye so he didn’t poker an eye out on the corner of a shelf inside the closet. We laughed at how silly we were being…we could easily have moved but we were turned on and intent on playing out the fantasy, no matter how unreal we were being.

Later in the dream, I remember rilling a surgical steel table through a hallway. I was a nurse or assistant of something inside a hospital. I knew that I was working in a different country now. The hallways were empty and I rolled this table just before a closed door. Then I had to maneuver around it to open it myself since no one was around to help. After that I pulled the table slowly through the doorway being careful not to bang it around causing too much noise.

Then I had a glimpse of a place outside work, nearby that was a cafe/restaurant. All the people who worked in the institutions around me went there for lunch. Then I was in my bff’s home with her husband. I was living under their roof now or at least temporarily while my friend was away for work. It was a little awkward because I was comfortable with him, just much more comfortable when my friend was around.

Then I thought, this shouldn’t be. I thought of him as much like family as I thought of my bff. Then a malformed idea (incomplete at least) briefly passed my mind. What if I initiated a surrogate wife type of relationship with him and bff where I would be here doing the “wifely” duties if she had to go away for work? Other times I would return to my own little apartment in the busy but less attractive part of town but I would have family, friends and a male presence in my life to help me when needed.

The thought quickly dissipated as Biff’s husband came back with bff in tow. I didn’t feel guilty with the thought. I just pushed it away because I don’t think he would be comfortable with that kind of arrangement and possibly feel coerced. I had no idea what bff would think but it didn’t matter.

We all started talking and she mentioned something about the restaurant / cafe near my work, how her and a bunch of coworkers used to go there because it was close to the place where she used to live, basically the same area I lived alone now. Then I thought to myself, I guess I just have to admit to myself that being single, I would be a touch behind couples and marrieds in a way. I would feel like I was playing catch-up unless I fully embraced single-dom in my small apartment, in the “bad” part of town.

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