I was walking towards…it must’ve been work. I probably walked pretty fast because I would definitely describe my pace as brisk. My boots went clop-clop-clop on the sidewalk. I was about to take over another pedestrian but he was walking fast too, almost increasing his pace to make sure I did not pass him.
When I caught up to almost be walking right beside him, he seemed familiar. Then I increased my pace to almost a jot and got a good look at the side of his face – it was df! He looked so different now he was unrecognizable. When I recognized him, he must’ve realized too. And now I knew he had known it was me all along, that’s why he was trying to walk faster. I stopped dead in my tracks in shock but only for a brief moment. Then I went into a trotting pace and caught up but he tried to go even faster. He looked back and said to me, something like, “Don’t worry! I’m off!” I kept trotting along beside, the two of us were obviously getting tired. Then I shouted out and reached out to grab his arm, “Stop please! I don’t care anymore!”
Then he finally stopped when my hand grabbed his elbow and he slowly (what I interpreted as reluctantly) turned around to face me. And when I saw his face, I saw that he was pained as well – avoiding me for my sake, for my piece of mind, and safety. I was instantly struck by a desire to hug him and I felt like a million words wanted to fly out of my mouth but everything was jammed. I was also contradictively hating my want for an embrace because I knew I would not want to let go.
I held myself steady by clutching his arm harder. Then I said, while not meeting his eyes, “I’m sorry I can’t…I have to go.” Then I turned away and walked away from him in the opposite direction. I wondered if he stood there staring after me but I dared not look back. I just kept walking, my boots once again sounded clop-clop-clop on the pavement.
I kept walking and found some stairs, which led into some garden or school ground with beautifully maintained courtyards and green areas. My dog came from nowhere and ran by my legs then ahead of me. Seeing her made me happier right away. But then I heard and felt husband approach and my heart sank. We walked towards a structure with no ceilings without saying a word. My dog followed us.
Inside the four walls was setup like a classroom with a bunch of chair-desks placed in a semi circle around another chair for the instructor. Most of the seats were filled except two. I guess we arrived later for class. Before sitting I bent over and picked up my dog. She was so lovely, furry and warm. Her fat belly on my hand was a welcome feeling. I sat in the restrictive chair holding her tightly and avoided looking at husband at all. I pretended to listen to the instructor. I think this was some kind of marriage or relationship class. I thought to myself what a joke this was.