Details and order might be way out of wack today. I was out very late last night then slept in until 3 hours ago with more laying about…
I was with a new “friend”. In the dream, it was a she. She was tall, blond, smart. She was a mix of a potential new really good friend and/or lover. She accompanied me to the old house where the ex and I used to live. Except this wasn’t the real place. In the dream it looked like an old run down rural cottage that used to be nice. Painted a lilac purple on the outside, steps from a body of water.
Now the body of water had receded. The beach area just looked like there was garbage. It was still a nice to visit beach but nowhere close to as nice as it once was. We were going from the front of the house to the back by going around the side. There was a huge rotting wooden beam in between the house and the next. It was a beam meant for building something significant, a project when I used to reside here, that was delayed, procrastinated on and abandoned. The once perfectly good piece of wood lay there, still impressive for its size but rotting, weathering the elements day in and day out.
To get past it, we decided to tight rope walk across the beam. My new friend walked it first. I followed but I took my shoes off. She walked across, with minor difficulty, balancing herself with grace. Whereas I either as a show or really had a hard time balancing crossed it, arms out to the side, bobbing up and down. The effort was made more difficult because I was focusing on my bare feet and the way it felt as my toes and soles gripped the log. With every step, noticing the big juicy, sometimes slimy or colorful grubs and worms that popped out of the beam. I was paying attention not because I felt that they were gross. A part of me just thought they were beautiful, that they were also life that I did not want to hurt and it would also be really messy if I squished them with my feet.
Then we somehow got into the house unnoticed. I think we climbed in through a window into a room that seems to have been turned into a storage room. I didn’t recognize what the room used to be at all. There were cleaning tools and other big pieces of random house/automotive junk laying about. I touched them with a slight feeling that I can’t quite pinpoint, almost trying to reminisce about something I couldn’t even remember. My friend put a hand on my shoulder as a sign of support. I turned around to show her I wasn’t upset. Then we heard footsteps coming down the hall.
It was ex husband. He came into the room to bring out the vacuum. He didn’t seem to see us even though we stood right there where he couldn’t possibly have missed us. It was like we were ghosts. Except he was talking to me, or rather, he was having a phantom conversation with an imaginary me as if I was in the room or in the other room discussing why he needed to get the vacuum out right now. He sounded like he was willing and complacent (not quite sure that was the best way to describe it). When I saw this, I was genuinely a bit sad for him. I think I tried to get his attention to actually be able to talk to him, as I am, a real person but he ignored me still, not even seeing me. He turned around with the heavy vacuum and left the room to his imaginary version of me, to help me do or clean up some mess “together”.
I started writing about this when I woke up and didn’t finish until more than 12 hours later. Yet everything I remembered this morning I was still able to remember now. Looking at the content of the dream…whoa.