The Stepford Resort & Spa

I forgot to write down what I remembered yesterday so here’s today’s memory of my mental recall notes from yesterday.

Dreams 07.23.17
I was in a tour group of people, led by one or a couple of guides. It seemed like we were in a welcome party at a fancy resort. The timeline of the dream, I was younger, with my second ever bf, who wasn’t there with me but I will explain.

This resort seemed to have everything. Our group boarded some hovercraft or cable car looking thing which traveled over the resort complex. Below, I could see many large swimming pools, manicured gardens, vast shopping and walking malls. In short it was beautiful and high tech – futuristic. I barely paid attention to the content of the tour itself because I was so impressed by the sights and sounds, completely engrossed and fascinated. I tried to text my bf many times to share pictures or express how cool this place was because I was supposed to be meeting him here somewhere. I either wasn’t getting reception or he was not responding.
I must’ve looked worried because one of the guides tried to reassure me by saying something like, “We’ll be there soon.” I asked if there was no to low reception. Then it got weird because they seemed to dodge my question multiple times.
The tour continued through to the spa area. The guides boasted of their state of the art facilities that can transform us within this one week to our “true selves”, our “best selves”. I thought, that’s a bit weird. That’s when I noticed that all the tourists in my group were women of various ages.

Then in the timeline of my mind, I was with my ex-husband but still on this tour. I tried to take pictures of the spa entrance which I just thought looked cool and futuristic, about to text my ex-husband to see where he was (he was not supposed to meet me) and maybe share on social media. One of the guides smiled and took my hand, and swiftly took my phone. Before I could protest, she smiled ever so politely that photography is not permitted on this portion of the tour.

Suddenly it dawned on me what this whole tour, the spa and this whole trip, was all about. I had been shipped off to this place to be “remade”. It was some sort of Stepford wife deal! All these women, me – were sent here to be transformed from something imperfect and unwanted to perfect and desired.

I remember being horrified that this was happening then woke up shortly after. I tried to re-enter the dream but could not. However, I did manage to remember this much of the dream.


Fear of Anxiety

I had several dreams again this week and maybe the last as well where I did not write them down immediately. I thought I’d write down this morning’s but it’s actually just slipped away from me.

This dream scene happened this past Saturday. I had to not sleep in and wake up to let a contractor in to quote for some work around our place. I woke up multiple times that night expecting it to be morning, afraid to miss my alarm and each dream I returned to after waking I had the same feeling of dread and that was a direct result of this scene.

Dreams 07.08.17

Not sure what I was looking down at. It may have been stacks of magazines or upside down bowls on a table. I was in a place where the tables were wood and the furniture was modern but the environment felt familiar. I lifted a magazine/bowl to uncover hundreds if not thousands of cockroaches creeping and crawling underneath. As soon as they saw the light of day, they scurried as one mass with crawly edges down the table, across the floor, disappearing into shadows. I followed and overturned other objects in the room, terrified to find them again yet equally horrified that they had disappeared without a trace. I was worried they would return to give me a fright when I was least ready.