Wonderful Rain, Searching Yet Again and Bad Bad Men

There were three dreams that I could remember from the last two weeks. The exact date of the first two I cannot remember. The last happened last night.

Dream 1 from last week

I was in a new town or place that I have never been before. I felt like I was on vacation or a retreat. I went to the docks, the pier, the area generally by the water. It was grey out but the weather was cool without being too cold. The water on the lake was calm. The boats in the marina swayed gently as I stood on the doc looking out at infinity. I was content.

Then it started to pour. Luckily I had the appropriate clothes and I was unfazed. I pulled up the hood of my hoodie, pulled the drawstrings tighter to protect myself from any cold wind that might seep in. Then I also pulled up the hood of my raincoat. I was actually feeling ecstatic because I was ready and it felt great to be out there in the rain just letting it pour down on me. I looked around with a child’s eyes, enjoying the wonder of the rainstorm.

Then I decided to head inside to the shop which was actually underneath the pier, at beach level. Inside the shop, I could see out the window where the water had risen above normal levels, about an inch above the bottom of the windows. As the tide rolled in and out, just outside the windows, I could see water seeping in through the seams. A few feet from where I stood, a bigger window or door also had water seeping through the edges and a puddle of water began to accumulate near it. I walked through the store up and down the edge aisles and I could hear the employees wonder and worry if more water would seep in, if the pressure would break the windows. I was still unfazed by decided to leave the store to its worries and head back to “camp”.

It turns out that camp was the retreat I was attending. The only words I can use to describe it is that it was a super hippy camp and it was like the tents and villages from the video game Horizon Zero Dawn. Everyone in the tent was socializing and there was music in the background. It was well lit by various candle chandeliers, candles, and fires.

There was a dance circle of dirt at one end of the large tent, bordered by handmade beaded strings, necklaces or other hand carved wood sticks and items, which had only a couple people dancing lazily while chatting with others sitting around the circle. There were drummers, musicians and people just enjoying their drinks and friendly conversations.

My raincoat was slick with rain and I decided to go dance/spin it off vigorously in the dance circle. As I spun around in joyous motion, the rain flew off my raincoat and hit everyone around me. Instead of being annoyed at me, they giggled and laughed in delight. Then I decided that maybe I should remove my wet clothes as I was getting hot. I leaned over the edge of the circle to lay my clothing down in a pile but accidentally put the sleeve into someone’s bowl of pureed vegetable soup. I looked for someone nearby to apologize to but no one really claimed the soup. Others gestured to me not to worry and I looked around for a source of water to clean off my sleeve.

As I walked away from the dance circle towards the outer edges of the tent, I felt a mild disappointment at having to leave the wonderful environment as if I would not be returning to it that day/night.

Dream 2 of last week

Much less detail from this dream. I was at some sort of party again with many people I did not know. I found myself spending time in the next room to the party where everyone put their coats and bags, looking for my stuff and not finding it.

Dreams 04-27-18

I can’t remember exactly what happened now or how the situation came about but myself and another woman, who I think is someone I know or knew, but not well, in real life were essentially threatened with harm/rape and “held” hostage in a hotel room.

I put quotes around “held” because the two people who threatened us and brought us to this hotel room actually left and told us they would be right back.

One of them was the scarier one and the other more mild mannered. The scary one was a large bald man with an imposing presence and an air of authority. I would say he was like Hank from Breaking Bad but much scarier looking and not even a sliver of kindness coming from him. Plus he obviously knew he was coercing us into something that was wrong. He had a gun which he never directly pointed at us but had casually waved around, pointed in our direction, as he calmly made his verbal threat that if we did not remove our clothes, wash ourselves and in general prepare ourselves for coerced intercourse, while he and the other man left, that when they returned, we would be brutally raped. I do not remember if he explicitly said in my dream that they would be watching the hotel room from wherever they were going to, so they would know if we tried to leave but that was an ever present fear.

The other man was slimmer, younger, quiet except for a few grunts and nods in response to the scary man. Quite honestly he looked like Avicii (no offense and rest in peace) but a psycho version with a blank, far away look in his eyes that somehow looked hateful at the same time. He seemed to take direction from the other man.

After they left the hotel room, the other woman who was in the hotel room with me went immediately to the washroom obediently to begin her “prep”. As for me, at first I was in shock and just stood there looking out the window at the spot where the two men were last seen. Then I looked towards the bathroom where the other woman was and heard as she removed her clothing and turned on the shower.

A thousand thoughts raced through my mind. Where did they go? How far did they go? Were they really watching? Did this really happen? Did I actually hear them threaten us in this way? Was I imagining all of this? What is the other woman doing? Is she really obeying their commands? Was I going to? What if I don’t? What if I tried to escape? Would I be caught? Would they know that I attempted escape and immediately catch me outside the door? Would they hit me? Would they shoot me? Are there other people surrounding the area who would be witnesses? Would they even help or would they be paralyzed by shock or perhaps they would not dare to intervene? What am I going on do? Am I going to obey as the other woman seems to be doing and accept my fate of being threatened and coerced into unwanted intercourse or stay and end up being brutally raped and beaten? Do I have the balls to attempt escape? What am I going to do? What what what?

I looked around the room once more to look for objects that could be potential weapons to fight back. I thought to myself then, I am not accepting this. I must attempt escape. I think they were bluffing probably as they are nowhere to be found. There is no way that I am going to just stay here and obey. I looked once more in the direction of the washroom, I walked closer and I told the other woman, “I am not staying here. Put your clothes on and come with me, hurry!”

I did not wait to see if she was listening and began heading towards the door. I think I heard her behind me put her clothes back on but really I was just focused on the escape. I remember grabbing something long that I could swing as a weapon, not sure what it was.

Out the hotel room door I went. It was broad daylight and the hotel parking lot was empty. In my peripheral vision I could see a few people here and there just hanging outside their hotel rooms. I tried to walk normally but briskly. No running to draw attention with my make shift weapon lowered, casually at my side.

I walked past a small building where I could hear children talking. The doors and windows were open. As I walked past I could see the two men crouched down and talking, handing something out to the children, students. I could see the female teacher elsewhere in the classroom supervising the whole thing. They must’ve been doing a demonstration of some sort at the school. Neither men saw me as I passed until the last moment when I realized it was indeed the two men and I was about to start running, then the scary man’s eyes caught my own and he realized I had escaped.

I ran and ran and did not look back. I vaguely remember hearing footsteps, hopefully of the other woman behind me but her ultimate fate is unknown to me.

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Drifting Off To A Better Place

Dreams 04.11.18

A couple nights ago I fell asleep listening to chapter 1 of The Meditation Summit: Volume 1, which was an interview with Reginald Ray about somatic meditation followed by a guided meditation. I am just starting out so yes I did fall asleep but I feel like it affected my dream that night.

I do not have the details but I was a relative new comer to an ashram or commune where all the community members built their own houses and governed themselves. While I only remember 2 people who were there, I remember thinking in the dream that everyone I saw in the community were all the “cool” people I’ve ever met in life. People who were, in short, loving and had very little bullshit, at least not that I’ve seen.

I also remember being indoors in my own house on the ashram, jumping in joy on a mattress that just lay on the floor. I think I also looked around for something unimportant and I was really hoping I would find it. However, the barebones-living on the ashram provided everything I would need. I knew this thing I searched for did not matter at all. I was not frantic but was mildly disappointed. I did not try to stop because it was a futile effort because I also allowed myself to desire its existence in this place because it was nice-to-have so continuing my search was right.

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