The Four

Dreams 12.16.18

In the dream, I was one of a group of four – two women, two men. It’s hard to remember why we were a group or exactly how the dynamics played out or if the people in this group really changed as the dream went on but considering the feelings and things that happened during the dream I’m inclined to think the people of the group did change.

Specifically, I remember an earlier scene of opening a heavy door, an outer door to a dark and dank solitary confinement cell. Upon waking through there was another such door to the right of me, the opening of the cell and this one had a barred window. This little in-between room space was very yucky green and lit with some unseen lamp above. I knew if I looked through I would find the second female to our group and I was retrieving her to join us.

Behind me, behind the first door, I knew the other two men were waiting. One I felt ambivalence towards, not sure who he was but he was waiting for his companion, the female. The other male was someone I simultaneously kind of feared that he would kill or sexually brutalize me but I also wanted to be in his power and grasp. Part of me felt like I was a willing captive as part of this group. It wasn’t actually him even though his face crept up in my mind at this point in the dream but the only way I can describe it is that it was like Alexander Skarsgard as Eric the Vampire was just outside.

We successfully retrieve our fourth and went galavanting about “town”, readying ourselves for something to come, something we were going to initiate but did not know what it was. It felt like the Eric character knew though he was no longer him but cannot recall the face. Now he was my companion, took charge, still “dangerous” and also sexy as hell. I remember that throughout this “galavanting” portion of the dream, I basically wanted any chance to pull him aside somewhere to just grab his junk and give him a handy.

At one point we were being herded away from some scene in a parking lot by the police who thought we were up to no good. Now he was kind of like SFS but I can’t really be sure now. As we walked away, I looked at him and he gave me a naughty grin, pulled me close to him and loudly whispered that he wished we could just stop somewhere so “we” can “rub one out”. He placed my hand on his groin and he was definitely hard.

Then we all went to a house. There were a bunch of people there. I can’t remember what happened there much, just that we hung out but maybe nobody really welcomed us or that we overstayed our welcome. I know some things happened in the house because I recall the dynamics of our group changing because of it. How or why though, I cannot remember.

Then I remember the four of us going into a Chinese restaurant, the entrance was a few steps below normal sidewalk level. I saw the three in our group in front of me enter, to the right. When I saw the female enter, I remember having a feeling that I must watch out for her to, protect her, make sure she was going to be alright, that the police were behind us close by and I can’t let them fuck any shit up.

Inside the restaurant, we approached a room with a couple of tables, already occupied. The decor in this restaurant was terrible by the way. Pink table cloths, peach walls, red accents. Anyway, a group of four who clearly had not finished eating at one of the tables started to clear out because the female of our group, who has now turned into JM, a girl from my past who used to live with me, ex and G, she was talking to them kind of making a fuss. I felt bad that we we’re kicking people out but as we sat down, JM said something to the effect of, “That’s how it goes.” And that was it, nobody else seemed bothered by it. We just started to eat their food which was still fresh, hot and uneaten. We required ourselves for the “big” thing that was coming with a final meal.

I happened to have The Bright Idea Deck with me so did a quick impromptu draw to represent the parts of my dream. Haven’t “analyzed” yet though.

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Nothing Left of Old Fantasies

Dreams 12.11.18

The part I do remember. I was with two, three or four other people – a small group. We were in an old abandoned building, in a specific dustry room, an area where I had been before. Specifically, I thought I was there in the dream at a much earlier time, possibly months and years. I saw beams of light in the darkness as we searched but I held no flashlights in my hands.

When I say I was there earlier, I remember feeling in the dream that I remember being “here earlier in the dream”, meaning I thought I might be dreaming then while with this group and that I thought I had dreamt about this same place earlier in the night. So I’m not really sure if I had dreamt about it earlier or not. I recall that in the dream I had memories of what the space looked like before and what I did there, much more distinct memories than what I describe below.

Anyway, what I was there to do now with the group, was to scavenge whatever was useful, valuable, or even sentimental. The other people in the group were like workers, contractors just doing a job. They were recovering old equipment and materials. I seemed to be more personally invested although as I was rummaging through the dark in the rubble, in my head I was thinking that there is nothing left here, everything is long gone, long used up, long abandoned.

I heard the others rummaging too, moving heavy things around, knocking other things over. The “boss” of the team, just a man bigger in size than everyone else but faceless because I never saw his face, moved some junk in a burnt out closet looking thing beside me. Not sure I say he was the boss I think he just exuded a quiet fearlessness. He bent over to pick up an old DeWalt-looking charger and a random loose charging cable. He dropped his hard hat in the process. He looked over the charger and cable, tossed the cable back without a glance and bent over ain to pick his hat back up, replacing it on his head.

Then he walked away and at that moment when I looked back into the “closet” I had a flashback to a memory of the gold intricately patterned (paisley?) wallpaper that used to be on the wall next to this closet, bathed in a warm light from a nearby lamp or from the room light, suggestions of other “scenes”, other times had in this space.

If I had to describe the feeling I had, it was like fondly remembering the Moulin Rouge via that Baz Lurman movie but not having any historical basis in my head at all, so I knew very well that these so-called memories were a completely constructed fantasy but the time and place were “real”.

The dream was cut short somewhere around here. We woke up to the dogs barking at the roofers’ boots pounding our ceilings this morning.

Lost: Sunken Deep Into The Dark Hole of My Mind

Dreams 12.10.18

I am disappointed because I remembered it when I woke up at 4 in the morning. It was significant. There was myself and maybe another person. My brain keeps seeing/feeling a pair or a quadruplet of something and I was a part of it. There was also an air of darkness or oppressiveness surrounding “it” in the dream.

The Whitest Restaurant

Dreams 12.05.18

Again not much detail…

I remember sitting across the table from my friend Nav from work who actually just quit so her last day was last Friday. We were at a restaurant that was minimally decorated. It was basically white tablecloths, white dishes, white walls, white and black chairs, white flowers, all bathed in natural light from skylights.

That’s pretty much all I can recall, plus one other weird tidbit. Nav’s skin color was way darker than she is. She is more of a light brown but in the dream, she was dark, like super tanned. She sat on the bench side against the wall while I sat on the chair side with my back to the rest of the restaurant.

A Murky Restart

I really don’t remember much but I am back to trying to remember my dreams so I gotta write this down anyway. My real goal for this dream work, which is embarassing to admit, is that I’d like to really learn how to become lucid at will, to speak directly to my higher self, to astral travel and to dream walk.

Dreams 12.06.18

I remember feeling like my left nostril and throat were really stuffed up and phlegm-y and I spent time trying to “hork a loogie”, which is the only way I can describe it. I can’t remember where or what else. I think I was in a dark place.

Ready for Anything

Dreams 08.10.18

The dream lasted longer, as in there were more events but I only remember the last bit.

I was in an abandoned building with a group of other “peers”. We were walking in a group, spread out and covering ground. It felt like a video game or a horror survival movie. We were making our way through a dark abandoned building filled with broken metal things that made lots of noise when you bumped into them and something was out there, either just rabid and ready to kill, or actually hunting us.

I remember hearing its roar in the distant darkness, its terrible scream echoing against the panels and walls of the gigantic tinbox we were in. I heard movements of something quick, and then also of something heavy.

A couple of my colleagues had weapons. One near me had a handgun and another had some type of club. After seeing their weapons flash before my vision in that dark place as they brushed by me to hide behind something, I remember suddenly feeling a lack of weaponry of my own. I imagined a large knife or a gun appearing in my hand, like cycling through weapons in a first person shooter but nothing “real” materialized. That’s when I realized that my only resource were my eyes to peer through the blackness, and my legs to help me escape.

Despite the real danger that I felt, I was pumped and ready for whatever came. The group continued to move forward cautiously. That’s when my morning alarm woke me. I felt disappointed, of being robbed the opportunity to face the monsters in my dreams.

(Always) Lost Stuff Recovery

Dreaming 07.07.18

The goal in every scene of the dream was to retrieve a jacket that had been lost. I thought I put it here or there, searched for it, it’s not there, move on to the next place. That’s essentially how it all went. I can’t remember all the locations, I figure there were at least three but I can only remember two.

At one point I was driving an old Chevy, pulling into the parking lot of a strip mall where in the corner spot was a car show room with full length floor to ceiling windows, which was located next to a very cleanly kept auto shop. Despite the show room appearing to be closed, there was a long line of people queueing for something. I just needed to get through to the other side with my car for some reason as my path was through and forwards. Again, all through this I was looking for this lost jacket that was supposedly in or around the vicinity of the show room.

I believe SFS was with me. He might have gotten out of the car to investigate the lineup, to see if there was information on a way through. I remember doing some swerves in the Chevy, but I am not sure what ended up happening. I feel like I considered just driving through the windows and crashing right through – it was a brief thought.

Another setting where I looked for my jacket is my old family home specifically around the sink area in the master bedroom. I looked in both drawers in front of the mirror, looked at my reflection in the mirror and moved on to other parts of the house, which I don’t actually remember being in. For some reason, just the part in my mom’s bedroom is what I can recall.

Haunted Vacation Houses and A Race Gone Wrong

Dreams 07.02.18

There were two distinct locations in my dream. Which came first, I cannot remember. Part of it gets pretty gruesome.

I was in a big mansion that looked like it belongs in a horror movie. All dark wood looking interior mouldings, chandeliers and lighting schemes that looked like the whole place was only lit by candles.

I think I was there with a bunch of friends, people I used to call friends, I guess. It was an overnight trip, like getting a cabin to go hit the slopes except I don’t know what we were there for. Most of my friends that were there were guys.

We all sat and chilled out in a room with a big L-shaped sofa somewhere in the house. There might have been a TV on in the background and everyone were either watching TV, drinking, talking, laughing. All of us were squished onto the couch. I sat beside someone who once upon a time, before I met SFS, had made moves on me while he was in a new relationship. I had reminded him that if his gf was not okay, then it wasn’t okay with me. I don’t know what we chatted about on the dream but I do know the talk reminded me of that incident, inside the dream.

While everyone were still hanging out, I excused myself from that room and explored the dark house to look for my room. When I found it and entered, there was a double bed to the right and a dressing table to the left. It actually reminded me of my room as a teenager on a way but much darker, longer, deeper and cold feeling. It felt lifeless, expansive with its high ceilings but also oppressive. I think I felt uncomfortable there but it was the place I was to rest so I turned in for the night anyway.

In the other setting, it was a big city, like New York perhaps though I’ve never been there, I was supposed to go to the starting line of a marathon or race event. I was heading there on foot. All around me I could see that the event was about to get under way as there were more and more people.

However, something told me there was something not right about it all. Something about the way things were organized or falling into place as the event was about to start. I think I started to see angry and agitated faces in the crowds around me. The air of celebration to the event had slowly turned. I felt like I was in a protest, or a riot and I was part of a group that was becoming a mob.

I don’t know what led up to it but the next part I remember is the gruesome bit. I think I led the angry mob to attack someone who was a leader of the event, or someone who was “responsible” for all the bad. In the dream, I could clearly see this person’s face but I can’t now. I just know he had white hair. The mob surrounded him and I had a carving knife which as the mob took him to the ground, I pushed straight into his throat. Blood gushed out at my hands and to the ground. I used both hands to put weight on the end of the knife and cut one side of his neck, took it out and cut the other side, removing his head clean off the neck.

I turned to look the other way immediately, not seeing the real damage I had done as the crowd closed in behind me as I walked away from the scene.

In the dream, I felt like I did what I had to, but wished I did not.

Waiting in an Unfamiliar House

Dreams 06.15.18

I was in someone’s house, at night. I believe that in the dream this house belonged to SFS, whose status in the dream is still early relationship stage boyfriend so we are still hot and heavy. There’s a lot of detail I cannot remember so there’s going to be a slot of “I thinks”.

I think I was there with him originally (like he showed me in) and we were supposed to sleep/nap and go to or host a party at an odd time in the night. I think he fell asleep or left first so for most of the dream I was fiddling with stuff around the house refusing to sleep to pass time. At one point I think I tried to “wake” him by trying to make out with him and grind on him while he was on the couch or bed.

He was annoyed at me disturbing his sleep but even in his half asleep state he still participated in the action. However, at one point I remember feeling disappointed, I think because he wasn’t where I expected him to be for these sessions and the house felt too empty.

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