Nothing Left of Old Fantasies

Dreams 12.11.18

The part I do remember. I was with two, three or four other people – a small group. We were in an old abandoned building, in a specific dustry room, an area where I had been before. Specifically, I thought I was there in the dream at a much earlier time, possibly months and years. I saw beams of light in the darkness as we searched but I held no flashlights in my hands.

When I say I was there earlier, I remember feeling in the dream that I remember being “here earlier in the dream”, meaning I thought I might be dreaming then while with this group and that I thought I had dreamt about this same place earlier in the night. So I’m not really sure if I had dreamt about it earlier or not. I recall that in the dream I had memories of what the space looked like before and what I did there, much more distinct memories than what I describe below.

Anyway, what I was there to do now with the group, was to scavenge whatever was useful, valuable, or even sentimental. The other people in the group were like workers, contractors just doing a job. They were recovering old equipment and materials. I seemed to be more personally invested although as I was rummaging through the dark in the rubble, in my head I was thinking that there is nothing left here, everything is long gone, long used up, long abandoned.

I heard the others rummaging too, moving heavy things around, knocking other things over. The “boss” of the team, just a man bigger in size than everyone else but faceless because I never saw his face, moved some junk in a burnt out closet looking thing beside me. Not sure I say he was the boss I think he just exuded a quiet fearlessness. He bent over to pick up an old DeWalt-looking charger and a random loose charging cable. He dropped his hard hat in the process. He looked over the charger and cable, tossed the cable back without a glance and bent over ain to pick his hat back up, replacing it on his head.

Then he walked away and at that moment when I looked back into the “closet” I had a flashback to a memory of the gold intricately patterned (paisley?) wallpaper that used to be on the wall next to this closet, bathed in a warm light from a nearby lamp or from the room light, suggestions of other “scenes”, other times had in this space.

If I had to describe the feeling I had, it was like fondly remembering the Moulin Rouge via that Baz Lurman movie but not having any historical basis in my head at all, so I knew very well that these so-called memories were a completely constructed fantasy but the time and place were “real”.

The dream was cut short somewhere around here. We woke up to the dogs barking at the roofers’ boots pounding our ceilings this morning.

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The Secret Club and Almost Lucid

Dreams 05.12.13
I got off a tour bus and met with bff, another friend of hers and the tall drink on a street corner. It was the first time I had seen either of them since my trip to London (so I guess I am in London in the dream). I was very happy and relieved to see them but I was feeling frantic and anxious. I was smiley and happy but I could feel it as the greeting came out of my mouth that it was in a less than warm manner. We were standing in a circle. I stepped back after my realization. Bff continued talking across the circle to the other friend, making plans for how we would go where we wanted to. The tall drink and my eyes met and we held each other’s gaze for a second. Then I just stepped forward and gave him tight squeeze. I said in a low voice, “I’m sorry I didn’t say hello better. I was nervous and anxious. I didn’t know what to expect and what was expected of me.” I felt the hug returned and my body heaved a sigh of relief. Then I whispered a muffled “I missed you” into his coat and I heard the sentiment returned in my left ear.

We dispersed ourselves and bff and the other friend just kind of stood there not knowing what to say. Then one of us said, “Alright let’s get on with it then!” And we headed off to our destination for the night. We arrived in front of a door where there was a short line up which moved along quickly. Bff walked on first and led us past the line. The door man nodded to us and did a quick headcount. Inside there was a stairway to the left with a very temporary paper sign that said “Restaurant”. To the right was a staircase down to the sub level with a similar sign that said “Bar”.  Actually I don’t remember if it said bar now, I’ll explain why in a bit. I tried to remember two days worth of recalls this morning.

When we got down to the sub level, there was another plain door, a spot light overhead, another doorman searching people, feeling through their pockets, etc. They did it quickly for our group, bff was still first, I just went second. At that point, we were walking along through the place pretty quickly I didn’t know if the other two in our group were still with us. Now this part is hazy. I don’t know if what we walked through was a bar or an underground casino. We weaved through different stair cases upwards to a “hidden” floor where the “hidden” bar/casino was located.  Then we climbed some odd-height stairs. At the top was one of those Japanese sliding screen doors. Bff slid it open and our group walked through and slid it closed behind. We were now in a Japanese restaurant. We walked through it to exit and as we passed by tables I could hear one of the patrons say, “I knew there was a secret bar/casino here somewhere! I could never find the hidden entrance!  But look (random female name insert here) these people just came from there!”

What happened after the secret casino/bar? I don’t know for sure.

I remember another part of that night. I went “home” to were bff and her husband lives. No one else was home yet. I suppose bff’s husband had work and bff was just out. I was going to go out as well, not sure if I had a plan where but I was looking through, gathering all my hanging laundry, trying to figure out what to wear. Then I was frantically looking for my phone everywhere and I heard bff come in through the door. She told me she was going to wrestling that night.  She saw me turning everything in the room upside down and asked what I was doing. I told her I lost my phone. Then I thinkg I woke up to real life or half woke up and was still panicking about my lost phone. That’s when I realized as I lay still on the bed half in dream, half awake…wait, if I am awake, or rather, when I wake up my phone will be right beside the bed exactly where I left it, there’s no need to panick. And I stopped worrying. I probably couldn’t gone lucid right then but instead I think I actually opened my eyes to look at the clock and woke up.

Then what happened with the phone dawned on me so I thought maybe if I closed my eyes again, I could will myself back into another portion of the dream.  Maybe go back to before we went to the restaurant/secret club and I could see the tall drink again. Instead I just fell asleep for another 45 minutes past when I should’ve woken up.  I know I dreamt some thing in that time too, which I remembered more than an hour ago.  However, since then I’ve recalled two full dreams, did some laundry, ate some breakfast and painted my nails.  Whatever happened in those 45 minutes of dreaming is long gone.

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