Ascent to the Top

Dreams 05.24.17

It was as if I was the main character in a 3D platformer only I was controlling myself in the game. I had to get to the top. To do so I had to enter this floating mountain thing which was mostly grey and dark blue shades, then enter and exit tunnel entrances which slowly got me up the multiple levels of this mountain. It was a great challenge that exhilarated me as I worked through the tunnel puzzles to progress.

At the top I was rewarded at last with a first person view.  There were long wispy curtains, smoke and flickering light. The “cave” ceiling was very high. The flickering light which had the quality of fire light faded into darkness at the unseen too. Airy guardian-type beings greeted me but did not instruct me in what to do next. I walked or floated along, following them towards an unknown destination of this new “level”. The path ahead became darker as the fire light from behind slowly grew darker. I was no longer excited as before. The feeling was more like a weariness and cautiousness. I looked forward to what I would end up witnessing but trepidation is the best word I can use to describe it.

Go Time

Dreams 05.16.17

It was a post apocalyptoc world, either zombies or something gruesome. People now lived in internment camps like Hunger Games zones. For some reason out of our control, I was living in a camp which seemed to be mostly women and I was separated from my bf. Luckily I had my puppies with me.

There was much tension in the camp, amongst other people and between my sister and me. She said some not so nice things about bf even thougj she doesn’t know him at all, not one bit. Other people got into it with me too at some townhall type meeting.

We were all sitting on rafters, looking down at the middle area wr had designated as the speakong platform. They were mad that I had dogs with me, that I was prioritizing their lives over people’s lives by giving them food and shelter space over people.

I wrapped the dog leashes tighter around my balled up fists as I sat through their tirade. Then it was my turn to speak. I stood up and spoke passionately, from the heart. I told them the dogs were an asset to the camp. I told them how they could help us hunt in the outer areas and warn us of dangers that approached. All the while, I imagined them vividly in my mind’s eye, being these amazing tough dogs doing these things even though they had never done it in their lives.

People seemed moved by my retort and I changed the subject to people instead. My speech became motivational. I opined that if we stuck together and encouraged each other, we’ll all make it throigh this because this is our family now.

When I was done there were loud murmurs amongst the group. There was a lot of drama and emotion in people’s faces but it was clear to us all – now it’s go time.

Rewaking

Dreams 05.09.17

I definitely had another false awakening today. I remember being in a tropical, beachy place. I was once again preparing for something, nothing important I don’t think, maybe it was some kind of recreational activity. I believe I was expecting it to be something I imagined but it turned out much more rustic or amateur.

I was interrupted from all this because I “woke up” in the dream and thought it was already 8:00am, when I would normally wake up. However, in real life I had an early appointment and I already got permission to be late for work so I was going to sleep in just a little. In the dream, I slept in and several times I reawakened thinking I was snoozing on the alarm as usual, except there was no alarm.

When I really woke up and actually looked at the time on my phone, I was surprised to see that it was slightly darker in he bedroom than in the dream and that it was actually 7am. All that time I thought I was snoozing was actually dream time.

Training For What Now?

I did not have exact recall yesterday so things were a little disjointed. Plus I didn’t finish writing down what I remembered, now it’s all gone and I did not remember dreams today either.

Dreams 05.07.17
I was in the house I grew up in, not the one we first lived in when we first came to Canada. I do remember being in the upstairs bathroom of that house, about to take a shower, getting ready for a training run.

Combatting Misogyny Even In Dreams

Dreams 05.06.17
I was attending some kind of multi day conference. It was dinner time and I made my way to the dining hall where about 10 round tables were jam-packed into a slightly too small room. The room had wood paneling all around. It felt like I was inside a boat when I looked out the windows which were just blown out with white light that I really couldn’t see what was out there.

I went to my assigned table and found two other people already seated. One was a woman I had already met earlier during the event but didn’t have a chance to talk to yet. The other was a man, I believe he was Asian, possibly Chinese. I can’t remember exactly. He was dressed in a grey suit jacket, white shirt, no tie. He might even be a man I met years ago at the coffee shop where I worked during my first couple years of university. He was a professor of some sort at another local university who chatted me up, at least 15-20 years my elder while I was about 21. This person in later years emailed me again to try to get in touch but by then I had felt a bit creeped out by the circumstances of continuing a non-existent “friendship” which had basically no commonalities beyond the fact that he loved movies and I was attending film school. We probably spoke in person for a whole 90 minutes total over a few days when he went to the coffee shop. It was just weird.

Anyways something was being discussed or debated the the table. I don’t remember what it was. I said something which the man obviously disagreed with because he then said passive-aggressively that my mistake could be understood or tolerated because of my condition. The implication was that I had “baby-brain”. I didn’t even realize I was pregnant in the dream but I looked down at my belly and I was indeed just starting to show, about 3 months pregnant in had deduced in the moment. Nevertheless, whatever my point was, was not a mistake nor does baby-brain affect a person that early in a pregnancy, as far as I knew. I was very angry instantly and I could see that the other woman at the table was as well, though she was showing more discomfort than anger on her face. I responded almost instantly with something that called out this man for his misogyny, for his dismissal of a woman’s valid opinions. I’m pretty sure that I ended up yelling at him, told him he should not sit at this table or attend this conference which had a clear mandate to have a respectful and open exchange of ideas. That’s when I noticed others in the room staring. I saw other looks of discomfort but also other looks which encouraged or agreed with me, all from both men and women.

Then I “woke up” in the dream to my bf as per day our usual Saturday mornings. We started fooling around and he showed me his which was ridiculously‚Äč larger than normal. I started to but had to pee n also was a bit intimidated. I rolled out of bed to go to the washroom, turned around n saw a little dog jump off the bed. It was one of our old family dogs, the toy poodle Baby. She had some crazy bedhead going on. Then another larger dog jumped off the bed a d it was a Juju colored dog (my dog now) also with crazy bed head. After going to the washroom and crawling under the covers, I woke up for real.

Breathing in New Old Memories

Dreams 05.05.17
I walked up the stairs at our first house in Canada. My sister lives there now in my dream and I was there for a visit. I went upstairs just to take a trip down memory lane but was surprised to find my step dad’s son living in my sister’s old room. He seemed surprised to see me too and he seemed hesitant to say hello. There’s a history of drama with this guy and he’s always blamed my mother for splitting up his family but while we’ve always been sorta cool, he’s just a little “troubled” in his handling of that whole situation, which I suppose includes me.

I walked into his room and tried to make nice. I can’t remember what I said exactly. Recalling now, I feel like there were some general apologies and me being sympathetic at how he felt about everything, that things happen sometimes in ways we don’t want or expect but we are adults now and we should try to take it in stride and stay positive. I think it was real what I said but more for his benefit. I wasn’t sure if it affected him but he was at least warmer to me afterwards. He joined me in going back downstairs.

Downstairs I went to the kitchen, whoch no longer looked like my old house. There were people waiting for something. I thought I was going to see my old roommate for some reason and I might’ve seen him or something occurred in the dream that involved him but I cannot recall.

Anyways the group I. The kitchen we’re waiting for my mother, who came out from a closed door and herded us to another part of the house where there was an really with metal hand rails like the line up for rides at an amusement park. About 10 of us arranged ourselves the line-up. We took my mother’s cue and began to do some type of breathing exercises. I remember closing my eyes, really trying to breathe in the calm and listening intently, trying to “feel” around me as if the breathe empowered me and heightened my senses. I wasn’t sure if it did but I did it anyway. I could feel the collective breath around me. Inhale. Exhale.

Stepped Through the Looking Glass

Dreams 05.04.17
I was in a house, maybe my mom’s house. It didn’t look anything like her actual house. I might’ve just done some physical activity and needed a shower so she offered me to use hers. When I went in there I looked at the shower/tub floor and it looked like there were thousands cut or ripped off finger nails, it looked gross.

I walked through a door into the “next” room but it was another similar room, a mirror image of the first as of I walkEd through the looking glass to a mirror world. In this other world I looked closer at the fingernails but it wasn’t that at all. It was peeling paint or wallpaper of the shower stall, which was fake and non functional. I didn’t know how to process this information so I just left the way I came.

I go downstairs to get ready for work which I knew involved helping out friends. A man who was supposed to be my Dad and SFS rolled into one being, was laying on the couch looking at his phone. I could see dishes and a blender in the sink. I got mad at self because I saw that the blender had fizzy dark pop at the bottom with mango puree floating on top. It was all wasted because there was no way I could blend this without making a huge mess. The dad/SFS man said that he tried to clean it, barely looking up from his phone. I was annoyed that I wasn’t going to get my delicious blended mango drink.

Then I walked to meet my friend downtown to go work or volunteer. We went into a building and took the elevator up to an office. Turns out I was helping someone else with a small film shoot. They put me in the camera department like I used to do but I was unfamiliar after so many years from that type of work. I had no idea how to help so I just hung back and watched. I also realized late that I forgot to turn off my phone too. As I took it out and pushed buttons to shut it down, I felt like people stared. Everyone elsewere go-getters, knowing their place and role on set. I felt like a complete tourist.