Home towns are overrated

Dreams 09.28.17

About an hour after bed, we woke up and realized our older dog had a poop and a pee on the carpet. We cleaned it up so there were no stains. Naturally, in my dream I “woke” up to find the spots stained and mulled over what to do with it.

Aside from that poopy highlight in the dream, I believe I was arriving from out of town. It felt like I was visiting home or returning to my home town to live. I made plans to visit my bestie and I remember walking by and seeing the suburban houses at night with my bf. Funny thing was the neighborhood looked nothing like my actual old neighborhood. The light and shadows from the street lamps looked awkward. The houses felt too tidy, too new but looked old, like I was on a studio backlot where a fake suburb has been built. I never did see my bestie and I remember being a little sad but also okay with it because it felt too strange in this place that was supposed to be home.


First, Observe and Listen

I started listening to I Am the Word, a channeled text by Paul Selig. Duncan Trussell had him on a live podcast and it really sparked my interest. I’ve always been curious about different religions and how there may be truth at their intersections.

Although I did choose to baptize as Catholic when I was about 9 or 10, I was never a dedicated student of any one faith. My knowledge of various religious ideas is basically on the surface and I never understood the need for complex rules that religions seem to enforce. That alone seemed like a big red flag that these rules must certainly be manmade for the purpose of maintaining divisions and tribes.

I came across basic gnostic teachings on a dark corner of the internet in my teens and they stuck with me. A lot of it still seems like a fairy tale, just of a different sort, but the most important points I took from it was that “God”, the energy that created all is with us, in us, forever providing for us, teaching us – bathing us in love. We only need to open up and feel, then know. We would then know ourselves, our fellow people and the world.

Why am I trying to write down my dreams again? Because I always started this in an attempt to increase my level of consciousness, have fun lucid dreaming while learning about what is real and not real, to meet the wisdom within myself, to ascend perhaps to the astral plane, to witness and experience the mysterious, to discover what I am supposed to do. Yet I always gave up and lost sight of what I intended.

So here is a reboot, this time inspired by Paul Selig and the Guides, indirectly by Duncan Trussell.

I’m still not sure if this is “real” or rather I am simply afraid to admit that it might be. I have also taken comfort in another channeled text online before and I see no contradictions in what those “angels” and Paul’s guides have said about death, judgement, the purpose of the Guides, our purpose in life, which is to learn the lessons our true selves have chosen for us in this life.

Considering that I have in some way always seeked the glorious unknown from within, via dreams or astral travel, I figured it must be a type of calling. Even if I have “failed” and given up time and again, likely due to my own blocks, that is all the more reason to continue and try again because that must be one of the lessons, right? Don’t give up, keep trying because we have all the support we need from “above”, carrying us and nurturing us.

First steps back on the path: observe, remember and report.

Dreams 09.27.17

I really don’t remember much from last night. I was constantly coming back to my “dream kitchen” space. It’s not so much my dream but before going to bed, I was trying to use an IKEA planner tool to visualize what we might do with our future kitchen. Pretty sure my dogs Juju and Ginger were there too. My bf may also have been there I just don’t remember why I kept walking into another room to talk to him.

The Stepford Resort & Spa

I forgot to write down what I remembered yesterday so here’s today’s memory of my mental recall notes from yesterday.

Dreams 07.23.17
I was in a tour group of people, led by one or a couple of guides. It seemed like we were in a welcome party at a fancy resort. The timeline of the dream, I was younger, with my second ever bf, who wasn’t there with me but I will explain.

This resort seemed to have everything. Our group boarded some hovercraft or cable car looking thing which traveled over the resort complex. Below, I could see many large swimming pools, manicured gardens, vast shopping and walking malls. In short it was beautiful and high tech – futuristic. I barely paid attention to the content of the tour itself because I was so impressed by the sights and sounds, completely engrossed and fascinated. I tried to text my bf many times to share pictures or express how cool this place was because I was supposed to be meeting him here somewhere. I either wasn’t getting reception or he was not responding.
I must’ve looked worried because one of the guides tried to reassure me by saying something like, “We’ll be there soon.” I asked if there was no to low reception. Then it got weird because they seemed to dodge my question multiple times.
The tour continued through to the spa area. The guides boasted of their state of the art facilities that can transform us within this one week to our “true selves”, our “best selves”. I thought, that’s a bit weird. That’s when I noticed that all the tourists in my group were women of various ages.

Then in the timeline of my mind, I was with my ex-husband but still on this tour. I tried to take pictures of the spa entrance which I just thought looked cool and futuristic, about to text my ex-husband to see where he was (he was not supposed to meet me) and maybe share on social media. One of the guides smiled and took my hand, and swiftly took my phone. Before I could protest, she smiled ever so politely that photography is not permitted on this portion of the tour.

Suddenly it dawned on me what this whole tour, the spa and this whole trip, was all about. I had been shipped off to this place to be “remade”. It was some sort of Stepford wife deal! All these women, me – were sent here to be transformed from something imperfect and unwanted to perfect and desired.

I remember being horrified that this was happening then woke up shortly after. I tried to re-enter the dream but could not. However, I did manage to remember this much of the dream.

Fear of Anxiety

I had several dreams again this week and maybe the last as well where I did not write them down immediately. I thought I’d write down this morning’s but it’s actually just slipped away from me.

This dream scene happened this past Saturday. I had to not sleep in and wake up to let a contractor in to quote for some work around our place. I woke up multiple times that night expecting it to be morning, afraid to miss my alarm and each dream I returned to after waking I had the same feeling of dread and that was a direct result of this scene.

Dreams 07.08.17

Not sure what I was looking down at. It may have been stacks of magazines or upside down bowls on a table. I was in a place where the tables were wood and the furniture was modern but the environment felt familiar. I lifted a magazine/bowl to uncover hundreds if not thousands of cockroaches creeping and crawling underneath. As soon as they saw the light of day, they scurried as one mass with crawly edges down the table, across the floor, disappearing into shadows. I followed and overturned other objects in the room, terrified to find them again yet equally horrified that they had disappeared without a trace. I was worried they would return to give me a fright when I was least ready.


I haven’t remembered much lately. Here are some choppy dream notes from the last few weeks.

Dreams 06.17.17

Running. Hallways, doors, rooms. Being attacked. There were others with me, maybe three. Everything was fake and destructible. Transitioned outside, there were big mountain and trees. Someone in the distance was shooting at me. A distinct image I recall, looking down at an apple, peeling it back multiple times and each layer was browner and browner. It was all fake and all bad.

Dreams 06.21.17

I was in a cave complex. SFS and I were heading somewhere on a “mission”. It was early. I or we were in a shower in dark caves. There was preparation for something. I was about to jump into a car for a long drive.

Dreams 06.28.17

I was an ex special agent or previously trained to be some special spy. I was returning to the training facility. I felt dangerous in a potentially dangerous environment as if at any moment these people who surrounded me, were only pretending to welcome me into their fold and they could jump me at any time. There was a hidden door in a library room. I was waiting in front of it with a former colleague (not a face I remember in real life). There was a security panel near the door and this colleague did something near it or to it and we waited for the door to open to enter the secret facilities. This is when I felt the most vulnerable, waiting.

No Hanky Panky

Dreams 06.09.17

I definitely dreamt last night but it is sooooo hazy after rolling out of bed. There was something about me and SFS being in my old house and old childhood bedroom which was now occupied simply by a box spring and mattress. Except it really wasn’t my old house or bedroom but in the dream that’s what it was supposed to be.

I’m missing a lot of details today, can’t even tell if this is correct. My mother might have been in the house too, downstairs. I think SFS and I were thinking of getting naughty in my old bedroom and we started to a little bit but I guess my mom being in the house deterred us a bit. At least there was some self consciousness. That feeling I remember clearly.

There were Dinosaurs

Dreams 06.07.17

I remember scenes and characters from this dream, possibly not in order.

I was on holiday in a resort or summer home type of house. It was all decorated in a very modern but also classic French countryside style. A lot of white or light colors paired with blue hues in the fabrics and linens. The beds were all king sized, fluffy and super comfortable.

My family, my mom and stepdad, my sister, brother in law and nephew, my dad, and SFS were there in the house. It was midday and we had arrived only a couple hours ago. We were spread out throughout the house, exploring, getting settled. It felt very relaxing. I felt excitement at settling in then going exploring myself to soak in the local sights.

I had laid on the fluffy bed for just a few minutes then I noticed a trapdoor in the ceiling and instantly became a kid, thinking “Cool! A door to an attic in an old house just like the movies!” I got up out of bed and found a way to climb up to reach the door and open it. I don’t really remember the details of this.

Next thing I remember, I had found a dinosaur. It was a raptor I think, although the face was fatter, sized of course just like the 2 who chased the kids in the original Jurassic Park in the final scenes, maybe even a little taller. It was not aggressive, yet. It must’ve been drugged. At one point I think I was holding it, like I was snuggling with it in bed. It acted like it liked me, interspersed with a few snarls and growls (if a raptor could growl). I knew though, that whatever spell this creature was under would soon wear off and we would all be in danger.

The next thing I did, I think, was drape a large white sheet over the raptor and managed to carry it down the stairs and towards the front door. I could hear members of my‚Äč family behind me asking me what’s going on. The raptor was beginning to stir under the sheet and I hurried as much as I could. It was heavy and it was surprising to me in the dream that I lifted it fully off the ground.

As soon as I was out the front door, bright sunlight hit my eyes and I was blinded for a moment. The sun felt so warm and inviting though that I completely forgot my worries about the raptor. When I could see again what I carried was still covered in a sheet but I don’t know if it was the raptor anymore. Around our house was a old town by the sea because I could hear the ocean not far away. The sky was clue with few clouds and the day was just beautiful.

I jumped into the car parked in front of our place. I know nothing about cars but this was a supercar. Inside the driver’s seat was sunken low and everything on the dash, the way the lines and silhouettes were designed, this car was meant to be fast. 

As soon as I started the engine and hit the gas the glass frosted up at the edges and the scene outside the car was still sunny but it now looked cold. I slammed on the gas pedal and the car went as if sliding on two inches of ice, swerving all over the road, which was now a residential neighborhood with surprisingly wide streets. I got out of the car to see what happened and luckily no one was hurt. I could see members of my family walking towards me in the distance, with concerned looks on their faces.