Training For What Now?

I did not have exact recall yesterday so things were a little disjointed. Plus I didn’t finish writing down what I remembered, now it’s all gone and I did not remember dreams today either.

Dreams 05.07.17
I was in the house I grew up in, not the one we first lived in when we first came to Canada. I do remember being in the upstairs bathroom of that house, about to take a shower, getting ready for a training run.

Combatting Misogyny Even In Dreams

Dreams 05.06.17
I was attending some kind of multi day conference. It was dinner time and I made my way to the dining hall where about 10 round tables were jam-packed into a slightly too small room. The room had wood paneling all around. It felt like I was inside a boat when I looked out the windows which were just blown out with white light that I really couldn’t see what was out there.

I went to my assigned table and found two other people already seated. One was a woman I had already met earlier during the event but didn’t have a chance to talk to yet. The other was a man, I believe he was Asian, possibly Chinese. I can’t remember exactly. He was dressed in a grey suit jacket, white shirt, no tie. He might even be a man I met years ago at the coffee shop where I worked during my first couple years of university. He was a professor of some sort at another local university who chatted me up, at least 15-20 years my elder while I was about 21. This person in later years emailed me again to try to get in touch but by then I had felt a bit creeped out by the circumstances of continuing a non-existent “friendship” which had basically no commonalities beyond the fact that he loved movies and I was attending film school. We probably spoke in person for a whole 90 minutes total over a few days when he went to the coffee shop. It was just weird.

Anyways something was being discussed or debated the the table. I don’t remember what it was. I said something which the man obviously disagreed with because he then said passive-aggressively that my mistake could be understood or tolerated because of my condition. The implication was that I had “baby-brain”. I didn’t even realize I was pregnant in the dream but I looked down at my belly and I was indeed just starting to show, about 3 months pregnant in had deduced in the moment. Nevertheless, whatever my point was, was not a mistake nor does baby-brain affect a person that early in a pregnancy, as far as I knew. I was very angry instantly and I could see that the other woman at the table was as well, though she was showing more discomfort than anger on her face. I responded almost instantly with something that called out this man for his misogyny, for his dismissal of a woman’s valid opinions. I’m pretty sure that I ended up yelling at him, told him he should not sit at this table or attend this conference which had a clear mandate to have a respectful and open exchange of ideas. That’s when I noticed others in the room staring. I saw other looks of discomfort but also other looks which encouraged or agreed with me, all from both men and women.

Then I “woke up” in the dream to my bf as per day our usual Saturday mornings. We started fooling around and he showed me his which was ridiculously‚Äč larger than normal. I started to but had to pee n also was a bit intimidated. I rolled out of bed to go to the washroom, turned around n saw a little dog jump off the bed. It was one of our old family dogs, the toy poodle Baby. She had some crazy bedhead going on. Then another larger dog jumped off the bed a d it was a Juju colored dog (my dog now) also with crazy bed head. After going to the washroom and crawling under the covers, I woke up for real.

Breathing in New Old Memories

Dreams 05.05.17
I walked up the stairs at our first house in Canada. My sister lives there now in my dream and I was there for a visit. I went upstairs just to take a trip down memory lane but was surprised to find my step dad’s son living in my sister’s old room. He seemed surprised to see me too and he seemed hesitant to say hello. There’s a history of drama with this guy and he’s always blamed my mother for splitting up his family but while we’ve always been sorta cool, he’s just a little “troubled” in his handling of that whole situation, which I suppose includes me.

I walked into his room and tried to make nice. I can’t remember what I said exactly. Recalling now, I feel like there were some general apologies and me being sympathetic at how he felt about everything, that things happen sometimes in ways we don’t want or expect but we are adults now and we should try to take it in stride and stay positive. I think it was real what I said but more for his benefit. I wasn’t sure if it affected him but he was at least warmer to me afterwards. He joined me in going back downstairs.

Downstairs I went to the kitchen, whoch no longer looked like my old house. There were people waiting for something. I thought I was going to see my old roommate for some reason and I might’ve seen him or something occurred in the dream that involved him but I cannot recall.

Anyways the group I. The kitchen we’re waiting for my mother, who came out from a closed door and herded us to another part of the house where there was an really with metal hand rails like the line up for rides at an amusement park. About 10 of us arranged ourselves the line-up. We took my mother’s cue and began to do some type of breathing exercises. I remember closing my eyes, really trying to breathe in the calm and listening intently, trying to “feel” around me as if the breathe empowered me and heightened my senses. I wasn’t sure if it did but I did it anyway. I could feel the collective breath around me. Inhale. Exhale.

Stepped Through the Looking Glass

Dreams 05.04.17
I was in a house, maybe my mom’s house. It didn’t look anything like her actual house. I might’ve just done some physical activity and needed a shower so she offered me to use hers. When I went in there I looked at the shower/tub floor and it looked like there were thousands cut or ripped off finger nails, it looked gross.

I walked through a door into the “next” room but it was another similar room, a mirror image of the first as of I walkEd through the looking glass to a mirror world. In this other world I looked closer at the fingernails but it wasn’t that at all. It was peeling paint or wallpaper of the shower stall, which was fake and non functional. I didn’t know how to process this information so I just left the way I came.

I go downstairs to get ready for work which I knew involved helping out friends. A man who was supposed to be my Dad and SFS rolled into one being, was laying on the couch looking at his phone. I could see dishes and a blender in the sink. I got mad at self because I saw that the blender had fizzy dark pop at the bottom with mango puree floating on top. It was all wasted because there was no way I could blend this without making a huge mess. The dad/SFS man said that he tried to clean it, barely looking up from his phone. I was annoyed that I wasn’t going to get my delicious blended mango drink.

Then I walked to meet my friend downtown to go work or volunteer. We went into a building and took the elevator up to an office. Turns out I was helping someone else with a small film shoot. They put me in the camera department like I used to do but I was unfamiliar after so many years from that type of work. I had no idea how to help so I just hung back and watched. I also realized late that I forgot to turn off my phone too. As I took it out and pushed buttons to shut it down, I felt like people stared. Everyone elsewere go-getters, knowing their place and role on set. I felt like a complete tourist.

Lesson learned: Save Drafts

I had 3 other days recall notes sitting in Drafts on my phone for my Hotmail account. I even thought last night just before be that I would finish all of them and post it with today’s as one post called Dreams Dump For The Week.

“Dump” is right – it is nowhere to be found. I keep thinking I can make out in my mind’s eye the keywords I had put in but all of it escapes me. The lesson: email drafts on my phone is like dream recall. If you don’t commit it to words and publish/save it, it’s like they never happened! From now on even my draft notes will be email-sent to WordPress draft status for later publishing.

Dreams 05.03.17
There was a gathering of people at the office, though it didn’t look like my actual office. I had a desk which was right at the corner and all the office party goes had to get past it to get to another party area. People were rubbing against my cubicle wall, knocking shit down. I was mildly annoyed but just moved stuff out of the way and joined the party.

I overheard the ops manager say something about a colleague in Montreal still sticking around the office, not wanting to leave. I asked her if the office was getting shut down over there and she said no. That made me confused. Then I saw a person, who wasn’t the colleague from Montreal but in my dream he had become the person I was thinking is the Montreal colleague (even though he is an adult version of a childhood school mate and the Montreal colleague is a grown woman I’ve only met through video conferencing).

He was leaning over my cubicle wall listening to me talk to the ops manager as she walked away. I thought to myself, I wonder if I need to lift the one binding spell I cast on him years ago because he used to bully me. In hindsight as an adult it was probably more extreme annoyance type of bullying, nothing physical but I had always believed deep down that magic rituals could be real and that the binding spell worked because the day after he stopped doing it completely.

I was lying on a desk for some reason. I looked to my left and amongst legs of huddled party goers I saw three dogs, one of them was black, shaggy curly furred. When it saw me it came over and attacked me with kisses which made me giggle and laugh uncontrollably. Then I walked around the corner to the other party area where there were people hanging out on and around couches. Now it was no longer an office party but a college student party that I had infiltrated as an adult.

I sat down on the couch between two “friends”. The one to my left was crying into the couch back, just bawling. My instinct was to hold him and let him cry, which I did. Then I asked what was wrong. He looked up at me and said, “I don’t know how you could…We’re over here…” Then he said something I forget right now but it implied that something horrible had happened to one of the friends over here that is hanging on the couch. “But you’re over there…” Then he went back to bawling into the couch, he meant that I was getting kissed by dogs having the time of my life.

I was taken a back and calmly, hoping not to offend, “I am sorry for what happened but I don’t really know any of you, well.” He just ignored me and I could feel the eyes of other nearby watching me with disapproval. I got up and went to the shelf where drinks were placed. Before I grabbed one, some bubbly girl walked by and announced, “Let’s to!” Everyone seemed to understand where and followed her lead, so did I.

We walked through what looked like parts of old school/university hallways until we finally reached an area that seemed like a balcony. It was night time, there were neon lights, noises from a bar close by. I looked over the balcony and it wasn’t that high but it overlooked other parts of the university grounds. There were lights of other gatherings further on campus.

I turned around and followed my group through gates which were supposed to lead to a destination. I remember catching a glimpse of a dark ski slope, snow covered, non-operating ski lifts and all. I wondered where we were but knowing that I will be at a new location, with new people to meet, other sights to see.

Vandals

Dreams 04.28.17 I don’t really remember the part before this but what preceded led me down a wide resdential street at night, bathed in orange street lamp light. I believe I was walking with a couple other people, more faceless "friends". We had just come out from under a bridge or concrete tunnel to arrive in this neighborhood. I heard some banging noises and looked back, that’s how I saw that we walked out the bridge/tunnel arch.

Near the exit arch was an old run-down looking house, where the noises were coming from. I looked at my friends and without speaking we all concluded that there was a break-in in progress. Yet, somehow we had concluded it was not dangerous to is, that it was not for the purpose of stealing but rather an act of vandalism. That was also when I noticed that further down the street we’re other people just hanging out in the night on the street, loitering around a few flares which had been dropped on the ground, it’s light flickering with small green flames.

Later, maybe with more dream action missing, I found that I had broken‚Äč into someone’s house or lab. I had gone upstairs and found a storage room. I knocked over little things like papers, small gidgets, pens, etc. – nothing too damaging or messy. I climbed up on boxes to look above shelves, as if I was looking for something specific to vandalize but in the dream I did not know that I was looking for something. I had bumped into what looked like a white radio or phone on a tall shelf. When I got down something up there started to make sounds which sounded like static and music.

I climbed back up multiple times to figure out the exact source but it wasn’t the radio, yet I knew it must be connected, maybe an alternate handset or speaker could be located. Whatever I kept climbing up onto to check the shelf again got more ticket with each try. Finally I overturned some papers next to the radio and found a phone handset which was making the noise. I clicked a button on it and the radio/phone. Then the noise stopped.

After getting my feet back on solid ground I looked around. The place was messy enough but I didn’t have what I came for. Then I heard he noise of someone entering the front door from downstairs. I panicked. I had 3 options: hide, escape or face the music. I frantically searched for a light switch and around the room for something to duck behind. I found a light switch but there was absolutely no way to hide here. Then I quickly tried to figure out my escape route if I left this room. The only way out that I knew of was to the right and down the stairs which would force me to come face to face with whoever entered, assuming it was the owner of the property.

I realized there was nothing left to do than to face the owner and confess. I had not done anything too damaging. I could come back from this if I got caught. Next, the door to the room I was in opened. I lowered my head and began to confess and apologize to the owner.

That’s all I remember…

Impossible Building

Dreams 04.24.17
The only thing I can remember is visiting a building and I was given a tour. While inside I looked up through a skylight or archway and saw that the building stretched up very high to an Escher like structure where arches, columns and staircases overlapped impossibly.

Dreams 04.25.17
I wish I remembered last night’s dream. I feel like there was something really cool o important in it but bah – I’ve got nothing.