A Not-So-Cleansing Flood

Yesterday’s dream recall was a bust.  Not sure why because I had a full night’s sleep.  Maybe it was because I was determined to wake up to go to the gym. I wasn’t rushed or anything but maybe my mind was occupied.

This morning is a bit better but I literally had to claw at my memories to get it back. Like I woke up know a tiny vague nugget and I had to lie there thinking, “There was more, remember remember remember!” Anyway, here’s what I have. The order is probably a bit jumbled.

Dreams 03-31-13

I was the house that I grew up in. Everyone (meaning my mom, sister, some friends and possibly husband) were all leaving to go somewhere – towards the city I think. I followed them out the door to the end of the driveway, watching them go. The sky was a vibrant blue that faded into the distance with just a few large fluffy clouds. It looked idyllic but  I had a bad feeling.

Then I was in the basement but it didn’t look like the basement of the house I grew up in. It was the basement to a much smaller house. The stairs were plain white, leading down to a small area with bare concrete floor. There were a couple of closed doors. As I walked down the stairs I felt like the whole house shook, or maybe I just lost my balance. It felt like I was thrown to one side, much like when a ship hitting a wave causes you to lose your balance. I could see the pathetic decorations (tiny cheaply framed prints) falling off the walls. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I found myself standing in waist high water and it still seemed to be coming in more.  I stood there hands up, holding onto the wood beams under the stairs for support.  Then I saw myself from a third person perspective.  I had tears rolling down my eyes. The world was ending and everyone who had left earlier is probably gone. At this point I couldn’t even go out to check.

Later I was in one of the upstairs bedroom, looking out the window to check if the water had receded. It had mostly but it looked like a ghost town outside. I could not see a single a sign of life. It just looked like the streets had been swept clean by the flood and there was some debris gathered around the sewers. In the distance, over the neighbourhood, I could see the city looming on the horizon. I thought to myself that it was time to venture out but did I really want to go? Was I ready? I decided I should take a shower and think on it. That’s step one to getting myself ready.

When I came out of the shower, I was naked with a towel drying my hair. I opened the door and while standing in the hallway saw my reflection on 3 mirrors on all the other bedroom doors. Except one, which was wide open.  I went up to it and found another full length mirror on it and closed it. Then I went back to the bathroom and walked back out several times, observing the effect of my naked reflection times four. I liked what I saw, I was proud. Especially since I was alone in the house, probably in this whole neighbourhood, I kind of stood there admiring my female form. By the way this was no longer my old house. This is now a fictional house I shared with 3 other roommates.

Then I heard the front door and voices coming from downstairs and I dove back into the bathroom, afraid of getting caught naked. It sounded like two of my roommates returning from getting groceries. But after I had put all my clothes back on, I found the house empty once again and I wondered if I imagined it. Am I really the only one here?

Then I was in the city. I remember walking along a glass covered walkway and there were many people there, busy, going about their day. The glass walkway looked out over the river and I saw a walkway with big concrete slabs right by the water. It was inviting and I wanted to go down there. I did just that and when I stood there, a familiar voice approached me from my left but it wasn’t a welcomed person. I cannot remember who it was now but basically this person told me certain people that I thought were gone had survived and were all gathered at this one place. She offered to take me there. I could not refuse so I let her lead the way.

When I got there, I saw a bunch of people that I was glad had survived. My husband was there too but when I saw him my heart sank. I didn’t know how much time had passed since the flood but I instantly felt trapped again. Am I expected now by all these people who had survived to continue this charade? I literally felt as if the modern decor in this place was caving in around me. All I could think at that moment, looking at these people was how do I escape?

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Stripper Boots Across a Snowy Field

Dream 05.20.12

Flying over a snow covered field. It is dusk. There is a house on the field, behind it the field dips into a small valley. A lone person struggles to walk up the hill towards the “top”, towards the direction of the sun slowly rising. I am that person and I enter into my own POV.

I am making my way to the bus stop at the top of the hill to go to work. I think to myself, I wonder if it would be easier if I had stilts or tall platform stripper boots. In a flash, I am transported back to the house. I stand in fron of a mirror. The floor I stand on is a dark brownish red hardwood. In the mirror image, I see that I am about a foot and a half taller than normal, wearing dark green platform stripper boots. I am so tall that my head is actually cut off in the image and I cannot see my face. Then I think about walking up the snowy hill again.

Later, I am sitting with JM. I tell her about my experience on the hill and the stripper boots.
After that I cannot remember. There was a lot more to the dream but it’s all gone from my memory.

Weddings, Engagements and Zoning Out

Dream 05.02.12
My sister/bestie is visiting. They were kind of blended into one character, I’m not sure if it was both of them or sometimes one or the other. We were busy planning activities to do while she was here. My husband seemed to also be around but I never saw him once in the dream. Anyway I was trying to plan all possible activities while avoiding df on purpose. I was feeling a bit sad about it having to do that.

In a parking lot, I confess that fact to sister/bestie. They said they knew what I was trying to do and had considered breaking “us” up (not sure if she meant me+df since we were not together or me+husband) but had decided against it so I would make my own decision.

I was upset that they stood by and did nothing (even though it was my own fault). I ran away from her and it started pouring rain Sister/bestie came running after me.

Then it was bestie n her fiancee’s wedding reception. They are engaged IRL. I was there either with or without husband. I thought he might be there but didn’t really know in the dream. I didn’t see him and felt like I was there alone and was wondering if other people noticed.

Bestie called me over to where she was and she showed me the special dress she picked out for the occasion. I remember thinking it was kind of loud, not necessarily ugly but too much for my tastes. Also, I didn’t know what specific occasion she meant. Then there was an announcement that it was the couple’s first dance. I was feeling very happy for her as she went over to the “front” but then I couldn’t see her anymore over the crowd.

Then I was kind of zoned out at the party and realized bestie needed help with something but I was spaced out and did not come to her aid right away and there was nothing I could do at that point.

I was sitting on a couch just people watching at the reception. Music was playing. I overhear a conversation where they were discussing someone’s sketch and they actually had it in front of them. When I rolled/turned to them to try to join and and catch a glimpse of the sketch, they just kind of turned away and started talking about something else.

Dinner started. Someone down the bench table said something about a store that I regularly go to, that they sell full collections of a particularly geeky comic. I didn’t read the comic but knew of it and was interested but I was too embarassed and didn’t want people to know I went to this store.

Then I overhear another conversation where my old highschool friend Zann’s friends (Zann was not there) were talking about something I knew about. I can’t quite remember what happened here but I don’t think I joined in.

Later on way home on the subway, I run into Zann and we decide to go out and meet up with other people. We went to an underground lounge/bar/drink n draw / karaoke place. Just before we went down the stairs, we both texted people who were already there for the room #. She got the response. When we went in, turns out it was P+K (the two just got engaged IRL recently after being together for many years and at one point things got rocky and had broken up for about 6 months). I was happy to see two friends who I wasn’t close to but have known for a long time. When I saw them and how happy they were together, I felt alone again that I was married but “on my own”. I don’t know if lonely is the right word to describe the feeling. It’s more like I’m not actually “on my own” but it felt that way anyway and I knew it wasn’t the “right” feeling to have.

Then I was riding the subway again. This time I was with my cousin C (who has broken off her own engagement because she knew they were about to get married for the wrong reasons) and another friend who I can’t put a name to now. I was lost in my own thoughts and suddenly realized that they had gotten off the train at their stop. That’s what I deduced anyway since they were no longer on the train with me. I looked out the doors to see if I could still see them but found a very empty platform. I wondered where they were and finally came to the realization that I had zoned out. I felt bad and stupid.