Vaulted Memories and Inverted Me

Dreams 01.09.13
I was staying as a guest in JM’s mom’s basement. Her sister was on the computer and JM was hovering over. I joined them to see what they were looking at. They were going through a bunch of wedding party photos from JM’s wedding to someone.

All the bridesmaids had light and airy purple tulle/chiffon dresses. The pictures were refreshing and beautiful. I turned to JM and said, “You did good! Looked like a beautiful day!” I also pointed out one picture where her sister, the maid of honor was featured among the group and said, “You look SO hot there!”

Then she and her sister wrestled over the mouse a little fighting to show me another set of pictures or videos. As they flipped through the windows, I saw a video file name of interest. It had husband’s name in it and I wanted to see as it was dated from before or just after I met him almost 9 years ago. I instinctively and easily commandeered the mouse and went click click. The video started playing right away.

I could feel JM tensing up a little beside me so I got nervous as well. What is going to be in this video? Then it played and it showed someone stomping, wildly and irrationally, a little plastic moving thing on the tile floor, some sort of toy. I thought the person stomping was throwing a temper tantrum. Naturally in my mind, because the video file name included his name, I assumed it was husband.

The camera tilted up and it was husband. I was somewhat relieved because well, at least it wasn’t something I really did not want to see. Then on closer look, he wasn’t angry at all in the video. Whatever he was stomping on, this toy, was supposed to be chsse-stomped. It was part of the game. Anyway, then JM’s daughter entered the video. She was only about 3-4 here, younger than I’ve ever seen her. She ran up to husband of 9 years past and gave him a big hug. He picked her up, held her close and showed her off to the camera. It was a tender moment.

In my head/heart, I felt slight pangs of jealousy. Jealous of a tender familial moment I am never going to have with him. Even though I knew it was my doing, my choice that stops this from ever happening, a part of me still longed for it. I didn’t know if I just longed for it in general or with him specifically. There was just a wanting hole in my heart and its presence made me a jealous. At the same time I felt ashamed. I felt like I just exposed a private memory that shouldn’t have been shared with me. Worse, it was a private memory that wasn’t meant to be remembered. It was locked away, stored, specifically for the owner to retrieve at a later time. It was hers and maybe his. I knew I had no right to have any feeling on it but alas it was there.

Thankfully JM’s mother and her friend came downstairs. Then somehow I encouraged them to get all enthusiastic about finding a martial arts gym and we were all going to take a class, right now. The 5 of us all jumped into a beat-up light blue car and headed out. We drove past and around many strip malls until we found one. It looked open and clean.

Next I found myself inside one of the rooms in this gym. It was located in the basement. The whole room was painted a light teal and the room was sunken in, with polished linoleum. There were gym mats here and there. From the ceiling were hooks where Trx systems were hung. The light were dimmed and relaxing and I had the room all to myself. I was using holding the Trx rings with my hands, then trying to use my torso to bring myself into an upright inverted position, head to the ground. I tried this many times, unable to balance. But I knew this was practice and it was just part of the process.

There was a last chunk to the dream that I had all the details of at one point. But I snoozed many times today so when I tried to hold on to the memories of everything I just wrote, the last chunk disappeared.

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Attack from Plastic Space Fish

There were definitely two dreams. One, before I woke up in the middle of the night. I forgot all of that. The second one I am writing about almost 2 days later so a lot of details are missing but the fantastical nature of the dream I think I can still recall so here it is.

Dreams 10.20.12
I was walking into a village that looked like a medieval diorama or a plastic christmas village sans snow. There was a calm, winding river running through the middle of town with cobblestone streets on each side, lined with toweing evergreens of all sorts. Brick houses of various colors stood along both sides of the streets and there was a stone arch bridge that connected the riverbank.

I stood and took it all in, in awe of the beautiful town before me, not really believing my eyes. Then a silvery blue bubbley space craft hovered down from nowhere, just above the river closer to the opposite bank. The outline of a door traced itself out of the side in light and became an opening. Then a giant green, plasticy fish with huge eyeballs that looked like a massive fishing bait popped out of thin air in front of the opening. It floated in the air, slowly descending upon the river. It continued to float along, above the river’s surface as if it was inside a soap bubble. A couple of other giant plastic fish appeared and did the same along the part of the river flowing away from me. I knew that they were somehow feasting on everything below the surface.

I had a glimpse, a vision of being under the water, watching as all the regular fish and life literally disappearing, just vanishing as the shadow of fish in the bubble drifted past. I ran across the stone bridge towards one particular building. It must’ve been the town office. There was a waiting area with three windows, only one of which was attended. I went up to the attendant and started babbling, warning and complaining that something must be done about the giant fish or else this town will be ruined. The attendant was joined by another officious looking person but instad of hearing what I was saying, they just seemed to be trying to calm me down, as if I was hysterical. I felt frustrated and angry, that they did not care enough about their wonderful little town to heed my warning or even look out the window to see that I was telling the truth.

Dark Mirrors and Vomit in the Corner

Today’s recall is pretty bad. My dog must have some kind of bug so she woke me up three times between 1 to 7am to go do her business. I may need to take her to the vet tomorrow…

Dreams 08.28.12
This one, I remembering wandering around in a dark house. There really isn’t much detail. I think I was aware that other people should be in this house as well but I did not see them. I remember walking up to a mirror, seeing my own image but something in me automatically said out loud, “You are dreaming, you are dreaming, do a reality check!” I can’t remember what reality check I actually did, usually I look at my hands. So for a very short period I was lucid, semi in control of this dream. It wasn’t even like last time where there were things happening, changing, shifting constantly. It wasn’t like grasping a handful of sand at all.

This time was more like being teleported into a solid rock where you are fully aware of being there yet nothing is happening and probably nothing else is going to happen. I was in a dark grey room, in front of a mirror. That was all. I was once again unprepared to do what I want to achieve with lucid dreaming. I totally forgot my objective, just kind of blanked out. So then I tried to summon a familiar, safe thing (ie. df) but it’s been so long, guess he isn’t so familiar anymore. The thought was so intangible, absolutely nothing happened. Then I don’t know what came next and I woke up for the first time in the night.

In the second dream, I kind of had a false awakening except I was obviously not in my room at my mom’s house, not in the basement. It was brighter. I looked down to the left side of the bed, in the corner. I could see one of the dog’s rope toys and bits of doggy vomit. Then I vaguely recall the whiney guy from work cursing about the vomit…and in the dream I was just about to get up to clean it up. Then woke up to the dog’s whining in real life and let her outside again. Also somewhere in this dream, I saw a blue, rubbery hollowed out cube with shapes cut out on the sides. It was either a dog’s or kid’s toy.

After that there was only an hour and a half left before I was supposed to get up for work. I thought maybe I could try to chain myself back into that first dream with the dark room, since for some reason, it was somewhat fresh in my mind. But it didn’t really work and I don’t think I dreamed at all this third cycle because the dog woke me half an hour before alarm time.

Boardwalks and Simulated Driving

Dreams 08.26.12
It was night time a and I was walking along a boardwalk/piers/docks (when is it which? I’m talking about a pedestrian area by water but right in the middle of boats and docks). It was a beautiful night. It seemed clear though I didn’t really look at the sky. Maybe it was just clear with purpose. The torches and lights were reflected in the dark water. As I walked briskly following the sound of jazzy rocky piano music, all I heard was the slight breeze and the waves gently rolling over each other beneath the boardwalk. I was heading to a restaurant pub to meet husband and friends (our best man and his gf). The restaurant was built right on the boardwalk, just extending out from one side. Before the entrance was a patio area with tables and dark blue umbrellas. The patio and first floor were for coffees and drinks. The upper level and the stairs leading up had a dark blue painted facade.

I kept following the music upstairs to the restaurant and waited for my eyes to adjust to the darker lights inside. A couple of musicians were playing on the mini stage while some patrons had gathered. Beside them the dining tables were full of people. I saw our friends and husband and approached the table. Just as I got there I realized that I forgot something in the car. I told them I had to go back.

When I got back to the car I noticed that it was not parked properly. I decided to move it. After reparking it, I did something with the middle pedal (why was there a middle pedal!?). I actually unhinged it somehow. The car suddenly locked up, the windows became black, the dashboard and all other indicator lights started to glow more intensely with a neon brightness. Then the front windshield which was now black started to have 2 sets of glowing blurry lines that looked like it was a road stretching into the horizon. The engine came on, much more powerful then I’ve ever felt it to be. It growled and shuddered, waiting for me. I didn’t know what was going on but I didn’t know how I could reverse out of this situation and unlock myself out of this crazy car. So I did the only logical thing and stepped on the gas pedal.

The neon green lines moving, vibrating. Curves appeared and it actually felt like the car was moving, driving along an invisible landscape somehow intertwined with the real world. The car shook violently because I think in the real world I was crashing it into parked cars nearby. I continued driving along the ghostly neon highway at incredible speeds until somehow, it slowed to a stop on its own and the doors unlocked. When I got out, I saw no damage to the cars around me but many hours had passed.
I went home, back to the hotel/place we were staying to find my friends and husband. When I got there, our friends came up to me asking what had happened. I tried to recount the story to them. Past them, I could see husband eavesdropping but refusing to come into the same room. He wasn’t buying my story. Funnily, when I was telling my friends the tale, I had a distinct feeling as if I was recalling a dream like I do every morning, and bits and pieces of memory were threatening to slip away.

Red Carpet Berry Tasting

08.09.12
Today’s recall isn’t long at all. I remember very little. I was attending some type of gala or outdoor red carpet type event with an old old friend from elementary school whom I have not seen since elementary school. He appeared in a previous dream of mine. I guess we were dressed pretty formally but I didn’t really catch the details.

They were serving us appetizers and fruits. Someone came by with a platter of blueberries and I grabbed some. Then another platter went by my friend AH and they were also blueberries, except they were shaped like gigantic blackberries, as in the individual globules of blueberries smaller and they were in clusters, making up a larger berry. AH insisted that those were “better” than the ones I grabbed even though I didn’t think so because they were not as deep or rich a blue. I grabbed a cluster anyways, broke off a globule to taste. I was right. The cluster berry had a light watery sugary taste. Where the normal deep dark blueberry’s taste was tart and sweet at the same time. its taste was so rich it’s like you could taste its color.

The Blue Room

Dreams 07.09.12

There were four of us: me, bff, ED and roommate. We just walked into a party, weaving through the crowd, walking hand in hand in a dank underground club. All walls were painted a deep blue like the color of roommate’s room. The place was packed and everyone were definitely crazy high on something. We wove around one group of people and just as I was passing them, a girl collapsed on the floor. I paused and looked back, wanting to help. ED was in front of me and he squeezed by my hand tugging at it. I looked at him and without saying a work he was telling me to just keep going. I hesitated and looked back again. Some people had crouched around her and she was just pushing herself off the ground. Seeing her awake, I felt relieved so moved on.

Then we walked into another room from the hallway, it’s still all blue. There was a small bar counter in the middle of the room. There were crows of people all around. We walked up to the bar. ED asked the bartender for a mixed drink. The bartender started to put ice and in drink, then got distracted and walked away to go get/fix something behind up. Then ED hurried behind the bar and started free pouring into his glass. I knew we were basically stealing and I shot him a panicked look. He didn’t seem to notice as he worked quickly, unscrewing a tonic water bottle with his other hand, almost spilling it. bff lent a hand and held the bottle down for him. The bartender was returning.  I looked back towards where he was. He passed under a TV mounted in the ceiling playing some show or movie that had Christopher Lloyd and Hayden Pannetiere. My eyes darted to the TV briefly and saw that it was some horror/slasher movie. I turned back towards the bar and gave my friends a look to alert them. They quickly tried to put everything back the way it was but ED dropped a bottle cap into anther bottle.

The bartender returned, back to his position behind the bar as if he’d never left at all and continued mixing a drink. I just turned away from the situation and looked at the ceiling mounted TV. I became engrossed in the action on TV. There was a lot of blood.  I just remember a scene where Hayden Pannetiere was all bloody, she was crouching then struggling to push herself up. There was a close-up of her face as she got up, she was looking upwards, at something. There was a shot of Christopher Lloyd watching her and whatever she was looking at. Then back to Hayden still watching this thing, not quite terrified at this thing but definitely stopped in her tracks as if she didn’t know whether to run or fight.

The CB Experience

Got only about 4 hours sleep last night with one wakeup around 5am. So I manages to remember parts of the last dream. I am a big fan of JRE podcasts and the talks about tonight’s big UFC fight and some of his very entertaining guests like BK (one of my favourites) seeped into my brain.

Dreams 07.07.12

I was on a plane with JR and a few of his comedian buddies on our way to the city where the next UFC fight was being held. BK is one I distinctly remember. They were doing a podcast on the plane in first class while I videotaped their shananigans. One particular shot I remember doing was from below BK face while he held some random phallic shaped object and he was making faces down at the camera pretending to be giving it a blowjob. Not much else I can remember other than everyone was laughing having a good time and at some point the flight attendants had drawn back the blue curtains seperating first class and coach so I saw on a tilted angle the coach passengers peeking up at the commotion up front.

Then we were at the fight. I was shooting JR as he was on stage in front of the octagon. A spot light was on him and the octagon was lit, everything else, the crowd, etc. were pitch black. He was very young here, more hair and zero gut. He was doing more of a standup routine warming up the crowd. At one point I went from him, just after he finished a very dirty joke, fly pan to someone who was supposed to be his wife, dressed all prim and proper on stage. She did not look impressed, in fact, she had quite the disapproving look on her face.

That’s all I can remember.

A Concert Mission

I did NOT become lucid or aware or even remember anything during the long sleep last night. But my morning 8-9:30am nap resulted in a successful dream-chaining and a very detailed account. I guess that’s something to be happy about.

I downloaded Sleep Cycle for my iPod Touch. My friend told me it wouldn’t work because I sleep on a memory foam bed with the dog and another person but it seemed to register things well and I’d say fairly accurately from last night. Maybe I can work out my REM cycles and setup some timed audio cues while I sleep in the future.

Dreams 07.06.12
I am inside a large resort (kind of like a ski lodge) with some friends, not very close. They were all sitting in the cafeteria area having a laugh. I felt isolated as I walked past them and nobody noticed but in truth I was withdrawing anyway.

I carried a bag of clothes and other personal items down the stairs and went inside a long room with high ceilings. It was a big room where all the walls were covered with those small pay lockers you get at the pool. I shoved my things into one without paying and went outside.

The outside of the resort was a large concrete yard with a sloped-up grass lawn at the edge. At the top of the slope were mesh fences. If you looked at this “resort” from an aerial view it would probably look more like a compound or a prison. I went up to the fence and started throwing things onto it. It felt like I was doing some kind of work. For whom? I don’t know.

On the other side of the fence, a huge concert event was happening and Halestorm was playing one of their awesome songs. I started belting it out along with the music. Then I noticed someone else close by was doing it too. I looked down the slope to my right and saw another girl sitting on the lawn belting it out. She was just lying their on a towel. There was a guy next to her sleeping with something over his face.

She was younger than me, maybe in her late teens or early twenties. I would say that I feel like if my teen years had been slightly different, she’s who I would’ve been in that age. In reality I became more like that in my mid twenties after university – individual and free-spirited. She looked up at me in acknowledgment. I turned back towards the fence to do my “work”, still singing loudly, now in unison with the girl. I observed the tents and field where the concert was happening wishing I was there. Then the girl asked me, “So are we gonna go or what?”

I stopped working, turned around and started walking back towards the building and without looking at her, said, “Hells yes!” I knew she got up at that point to follow me. Then I said, “If you don’t mind I’m just gonna find the locker I didn’t pay for and put my tools in there so we could go. I don’t want to be carrying this stuff with me.” I’m not sure if she voiced this next concern out loud but there was a concensus and worry that since I hadn’t paid for the locker, the establishmebt may confiscate my belongings.

We went back into the long room which now had different areas, shelves, racks full of books, videotapes and records. I was walking and searching fast, literally jumping from shelf to shelf looking for a large tan leather bag. I knew I would recognize it from far away but after much hopping around like a ninja on the shelves, we found nothing. I wasn’t panicking or anything. The reality that my stuff is now gone didn’t really phase me. I knew that it was probably safe with the authorities. All I would have to do is go to them to ask for it and likely pay a large fine. I was prepared to do so. For a moment a visual montage of locker doors and the coin inserting mechanism of the lockers flashed before my eyes. I realized then that THAT was how I could’ve paid for the lockers. I didn’t realize it then, when I first put my things in.

I actually woke up from the dream at this point and took a few moments to remember. Then quickly drifted back in and chained the dream. No lucidity though, just continued with the flow.

I felt slightly stupid. The coin inserting mechanism obviously said how much they cost: “$4 for 2hr”. Relatively cheap compared to the fine which I was expecting to be $800. I figured I would tell the authorities the truth, that I figured there was a price but it wasn’t clear to me at the time where the coin mechanism was when I went up to a locker so I just used it and walked away. I can only hope the fine isn’t too big.

I said to the girl, “Let’s just go and we’ll come back for my stuff later.” She said, “If that’s what you want.”

We arrived at the concert ground, just outside the entrance. There were lots of people milling about and you can see just past the entrance to the tent that it was packed inside. Outside, amongst the people there was a gap, in the middle the members of Halestorm were chilling out, taking a break. The girl exclaimed, “Ooh! There’s” She said a name of one of the male bandmembers. I don’t even know if it was true. I considered asking her if she wanted to run up to the band and just scream like prepubescent girls but decided against it. It would be silly fun but I wasn’t really up for it.

We got past the entrance. The bouncer stopped us for a few seconds and waved a couple of other people in. Then he waved us in. When we got in, we followed some others which took us upstairs, across a bridge, etc. The building had a lot of rooms and hallways divided by aluminum frames with glass windows. A lot of the frames also had no glass. With each turn I felt like we were getting further from the concert, our destination. I knew we were getting lost.

Finally the hallway ended and we arrived at the edge of the building. The whole wall had been blasted through. It looked over a beautiful otherworldly scene. It was as if the building sat on the edge of a cliff, overlooking a bay below with blueish-purple water. I had a quick telescopic view of the ultra blue waves in the bay crashing against the shores. The mountainside in the distance looked normal, black and brown but before us and on the slopes down in front of us, it was just mounds of course white something shimmering in the light. The sun was setting in deep shades of oranges, reds and pinks. It was alien and beautiful.

I knelt down in front of the white mounds in front of us and dug my arms into the white stuff, elbows deep. It was coarse white salt. I looked at the girl who had dug her arms in too. We were both excited and ecstatic, in awe of the landscape before us. After some moments, we came to our senses and decided to find our way back to the concert again. We turned back the way we came and there was a man, a janitor, custodian type draggin something heavy behind him. It was partly invisible, the part that actually touched the ground. When we passed him I got a better look. It was a gental L-shaped glass thing, rimmed on one side by brushed aluminum. The glass must’ve been 2 inches thick but clearer than any glass could be. I can’t imagine what it was for but it was heavy.

Then we were back downstairs, in the tent where the concert was. The band was back on stage playing and it was dark with flashing lights. I lead the way, weaving through the crowds looking for openings and opportunites to get closer. I’d look behind me every so often to check on the girl, if she was keeping up. Then I found a spot to settle in about 40 feet from the stage. It looked like a good spot to enjoy the rest of the concert. I reached my right arm back to find the girl’s hand, to pull her in behind me.

Instead, when I pulled and looked back, it was a man. Nobody I knew but in the dream I was receptive. He was slightly taller than me, well built, head shaved close. He felt like he was a boyfriend in the dream, not someone I’m totally in love with but just enjoying each other, revelling still in the beginnings of connection. He came up close behind me and we just swayed and enjoyed the concert with our bodies close, warm. It felt really good.

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