In Search of Perfection but Let’s Throw Caution to the Wind

Dreams 03.24.13
I was walking through crowded highschool hallways and I could hear music around the area where my locker was. It was some dance music. Generic and not really bass heavy enough for my tastes. I figured people who weren’t my friends hung around my locker so I turned around. I walked by a classroom door with a list of courses starting soon. They interested me so I decided to to to the guidance counsellor. I wanted to see if I could take them, sit through without doing the assignments on top of my already full load.

I go outside to the super green school field. I walked around the whole building surveying the grounds and find an area with a gate. Suddenly I saw the gate and field beyond it in perfect sideways isometric view in full color. I was able to see it in relation to the field, the forest and the main road in neighbourhood. It was perfectly located for the starting line of the kids play race. Then I was standing in the field looking back at the gate with a long lense. Then i saw the group of kids round the building and run through the gate in a hoard, in slow-mo.

Next, I was a passenger in a car with my mom, her bf and husband going west on the 401. We pass by a big amusement park / mall. Then we were inside this complex and I realized the mall was owned by a Chinese mall management corporation called “Galleria”. Everywhere I looked there were Chinese stores. I found myself loudly discussing the fact that I had no idea this place was out in the middle of nowhere and I was flabbergasted as to why they built it here since no one would get to use it. But when I looked around it was just the right amount of busy.

Then I was going out into a small yard from the back door of a house. It was a small garden with barely a path, surrounded by vines and shrubs. I looked down the narrow walking dirt path and found that it was perfectly covered in my dog’s shit for the net two feet in front of me. Carefully I stepped over it to look at a bunch of pots stacked in different levels at the end of the dirt path about 6 feet ahead. Upon looking closely I saw some growth that were probably herbs and others that may have been weeds. Overall though it seemed like the garden was just growing wild and uncared for. I asked openly at no one in particular what plants were these and someone from behind me answered that there was basil, some thyme, some unknown name, etc.

I turned to the left and back to face the house. The house was not big and neither was the yard but where from where I stood there was a little sand pit with a giant yellow metal swing set that looked way too big to be functional. Estimating the swing’s pendulous peak, it looked at though the user would probably smash right into the brick of the house. But it was a swing so I had to try anyway.

I felt a little silly because the tall drink of water I met on vacation was inside the house and might see me make a fool of myself. But I said in my head, fuck it swings are awesome, so I turned around, sat down in the rubber seat and pushed off. Then a little blond girl resembling the one I met in UK came running out of the house wanting to play on the swing as well. I was happy to see her wanting to share this swinging experience together. Then the tall drink came out of the house just behind the girl, ducking below the crowded archway of vines. He was smiling at us both. It was comforting to see.

I remembered this later in the day when I passed by some paintings. At one point I was standing beside another person, looking down on wet paint on a canvas, the person was to my left I was on the right. The colors of paint on the canvas resembled Starry Night by Van Gogh with deep blue and purplelish hues with some yellow highlights. The color ratios were very similar to the famous painting and it was painted in wavey horizontal lines more or less. I remember liking it fine the way it was but at the same time felt the need to stick my index fingers right onto the wet paint and pushed the yellow areas around.

Dreams 03.23.12

I know there was more before but this is all I can remember. Baby steps…

My boss boss, dear friend and I were hanging out at home in the living room. It was actually what it looks like now. Boss boss was on the far side, dear friend sat in the middle of the side facing tv. There was music playing and I was dancing, pacing around the kitchen table area while they were prepping something. I think they were prepping weed for a bong or pipe although I didn’t actually see it. It had that familiar ritualistic feel to it. By ritualistic, I don’t mean it was silent and solemn. There was chatting and laughing but it is still part of THAT ritual.

Finally I approached the couch, sat on the far right, turned to face them, leaned back on the armrest and put my feet up on dear friend’s lap. I think he felt uncomfortable that I did that in front of boss boss.

Cut through the stuff I can’t quite remember. My old friend Zann from highschool and I were either skipping class or had just come out of a class. We were walking through a highschool and I think she was my girlfriend. Not in a highly sexual catholic lesbian schoolgirl way but more of a teenage girlfriends who are too close who have feelings for each other that have not been explored or discussed fully kind of way.

Anyway, we roamed about the school’s hallways. Several times I glanced at open classroom doors that we passed, searching for a familiar face. Whose? I do not know. Then we came to the end of the hall, which led to staircases that went up to somewhere unknown or into the basement, somewhere we knew would be unpleasant.

At this point I think Zann knew I was looking for someone, perhaps even who, even though I did not. We decided to go into the basement to look for this someone. After a few turns down narrow and grey corridors we arrived at a place that is typical of how Hell or Hades is depicted in movies and cartoons.

The ground was hard and cracked as far as the eye can see. It was dark everywhere although we could see about 250 feet or so before us clearly. The horizon in the distance just looked black, red and hazy, like something dangerous was out there. From where we stood, there was a slight slope down, leading to black iron gates. We knew we had to pass the gates to get to where we need in order to find this someone, so we ran towards the gate to have a look.

The bottom of the gates actually did not touch the ground. There was a large enough gap for us to roll under, had there not been barbed wire strung all across underneath the gate. We looked through the barbed wire in despair but could see a figure in the distance. It was a large, hulking human-like monster, sitting on a rock with his face down as if in thought.

As soon as we looked at him, he turned and saw us. He sprang to his feet and charged towards the gate at full speed. Just before he reached the gate he jumped high into the air, over the gates and landed on our side. Fortunately he landed on his side and his blacksmith’s hammer (although it was small because I could comfortably hold it in my small hands) fell to the floor and rolled towards me. I picked it up.

When I looked up Zann was already on top of him, trying to pin him to the ground. He was about twice the size of one of us. I rushed over and tried multiple times to knock him out with the hammer by swinging at the back of his head. I made contact everytime but each time the blow landed it just felt like a hard thud, nowhere near knock out power. A few times I just sat there on top of this monster of a man, perplexed and wondering. Do I just hit him again? How can I knock him down in a different way? All this while my friend was beside me, struggling to keep his legs and body still.

Finally Zann snatched the hammer from my hands and showed me that at the connection where handle met head, there was an ornamental part that had a really sharp tip. I took the hammer back and jammed the pointed end right into the monster’s left jugular. He was dead instantly, with a blacksmith’s hammer against his face. Surprisingly, there wasn’t much blood.

Then we were in the “desired” place. I don’t remember how we went from the hellish basement to here. “Here” was actually the top floor of the school where there was a large irregularly shaped pool that seemed to be everywhere on the floor. There was a tube slide that looked like it just wrapped around the entire floor but I couldn’t tell where it started. Here we ran into Bilbo (not the Hobbit, but my friend from highschool that bestie and I codenamed Bilbo). He was there with kids but I didn’t see them. This pool was super busy. There were kids all around. I’m not sure if Zann was still with me at this point but I remember the feeling that this place was not at all like I expected and felt disappointment.

Then I remember turning to leave and the exit was decorated in such a way that it reminded me of a carnival tent. So I felt a little excited, bit scared but also a little sad because this place, while fun for kids, was definitely no carnival.

Okay I know that doesn’t make much sense but that’s what I felt in the dream.

Dreams 03.08.12

Dream 1:
My mom was throwing a party at her classy apartment. Dear friend was my bf in the dream, he was also invited. I ended up schmoozing w my mom’s friends and didn’t get the chance to spend much time with him but I really wanted to. I felt bad but he mingled with guests well and we would just look at each other across the room with knowing smiles.

Dream 2:
First part of the dream I can’t seem to recall.

I was walking through a street full of ratty children mostly boys playing. The alleyway was so packed with kids it was body against body, moving against the tide. Finally found and made way to the entrance to a subway station. I didn’t really know how to get to where I was going but I was travelling with another girl (who I think was going to same place I was). I was going somewhere important anyways and following her seemed like it would be the right direction.

At arrival, turns out I was going “home” to take back all my stuff so I can leave and be with dear friend.

I went in through the basement entrance. There were a couple of ratty kids in the playing with toys as weapons, playing, hiding behind furniture. I picked up a couple long sticks (kinda like misshapen kendo swords) as weapons. I played with the kids with the sticks for a bit before I went upstairs.

At the middle landing at the stairs, a woman who I expected to run into but hoped to avoid was waiting for me. I stopped her with the long sticks before she could approach me. Then I jumped and wrestled her to the floor, straddled her chest and gave her punches to the face. When I stopped, she looked up at me with the black eyes I gave her but I could feel that she wasn’t fighting back with full strength. Then I just left her there on the floor. I grabbed whatever I came to get, something small (didn’t even see it).

I left the house and walked out quickly and tried to be inconspicuous, walked down a slope and there were two guys behind me talking, walking the same direction. They were talking about some guy saying that he had insulted his gf because she wouldn’t do something or whatever and the guy with the gf described the bad experience as it was like the bad taste of licking brown nuts. I whipped around and said jokingly but defensively, how would he know?! The guy behind laughed in surprise.

We came up against a mid-height mesh fence and I hopped over it sooo effortlessly, then started to jog up along the path. I remember being very proud for hopping over so easily.

That is all.

Dreams 03.02.2012

Dream 1:

I do not remember a whole lot about this one. I was looking at one of those sleep analysis graphs on an app that my dear friend has on his iPhone. So apparently I had tracked my own sleep pattern for a couple days. The curve of the graph was like a steady descending staircase for the first 4 hours of sleep, dropping to a low curve dip then shot right back to a peak to wakeup. Then in the dream I remembered what I had dreamt about and it was all about a client who always gives us a headache at work: H—. Not much else that I can recall after that.

Dream 2:

This 2nd dream was a false awakening dream. I think (very fuzzy) I dreamt that I woke up in bed and had gone to the washroom in the middle of the night for a cigarette. But while smoking I realized that I was not wearing a robe because in the dream I knew I had rolled out of bed and put it on. Also, I couldn’t remember how I went from the bedroom to the washroom. That’s when I determined that I must be dreaming and opened my eyes (woke up from the dream) to find myself lying in bed.

I spent a bit of time after Dream 2 in these wakeful dreams where I controlled everything that was happening but the flow of action was very random, almost like my mind was just free associating. But I knew I was actually awake so they were more like semi lucid daydreams – if there is such a thing.

Dream 3:

This one started off with me and 3 “friends”, one of them possibly my husband, the other 2 were not identifiable, in a van or tall car driving on our way to a large outdoor concert at night. It felt more like going to what I imagine as the parking lot of a movie theatre.

The show had not started yet but the stage was lit and you can hear music coming from it. I think it was some old country/folk band’s concert. They were sound checking with a song which I can’t recall now but did recognize in the dream.

We parked the car quite a ways to the right and back from the main stage and I wondered how this was going to work. Like a drive-in would we just listen to the broadcast through the radio? Or do I lounge out on top of the car?

Finally the group of us decided to just walk towards the stage area to check it out, see the main grounds. When we got closer, there was a lot of hustle and bustle but somehow it had become an indoor place. I want to say that it was like a hall, and there was one main event everyone was preparing for with some other side events. So our group just wandered a bit. By the way now my sister is with the group. We overhear people preparing for the event and realize the main show is actually a big beauty pageant.

We walk by some display cases where they has the jewelry worn by past contestants on display and my sister just fell in love with this necklace that looked very much like the cross my godmother gave me as a baptism gift. Except this one was an inverted cross with crazy sparky diamonds and in place of the gem was a greyish pearl. She was basically drooling over it and I announced loudly “Don’t worry, it’s done!” Meaning that by her next birthday she would receive it as a gift from me.

Then we kept wandering and peered into an area where we could see little 6-7 year old girls waiting in line with their parents. The girls were all dressed in colorful tull dresses, some were blinged out, etc. They were waiting to go on a small stage one by one where a microphone was setup. A judge stood on the side.

From this, we figured it was the talent audition for a toddler beauty pageant so we figured we would keep watching through the door/window. As the first girl was escorted on stage, suddenly the walls of the audition room was being rolled out by stage hands. Turns out they were all fake walls. Whatever, our group continued to watch.

The first girl approaches the microphone, turns around to face the audience and turned out to be a hideous midget woman. Someone in our group gasped in surprise and all the everybody in line turned around to look at us. They were all hideous midgets. (Not that little people are hideous, they just were in my dream) Our group was so embarrassed we just left.

After that I somehow departed from the group. I was roaming outside the building. There was a water channel, very nice green and white cottages, hotels, etc. lined this water way. Ornamental bridges, well groomed trees, parks, etc. This “village” or resort was just relaxing. I had one of those moments where I walked by a couple buildings and realized I had to retrace my steps and try to capture the feeling/moment on camera. So I tried to do just that.

Except in doing so, I had someone become part of a chase by John Goodman and this kid who stole something from him. He was climbing trellises, jumping across the river, overall being very nimble. But here I was trying to catch up and film the action and I actually get caught trying to follow him over this trellis bridge. He stops and comes back to see if I can keep shooting. I remember still being stuck before I woke up.