Ice Cream Bars and Cougaring

Caught up on sleep on the night before but also going into the forgetful parts of the month now. I distinctly and intently told myself “I will be lucid tonight.” If it happened I do not remember. The night before I kind of said the same suggestion to myself too but was distracted. Maybe the suggestion only works if it’s a semi subconscious.

Dreams 08.29.12
I was sitting on the floor with another guy. To one side of the large classroom were 4 to 5 school desks. Some people sat in them. They were adults and so was I. A lady (the teacher) walked by and gave the guy beside me a chocolate dipped ice cream bar. I reached out for one too but she kept walking away.

I leaned back to prop myself up with my elbows and watched this guy crunching and licking away at his treat, wishing I had one too. He is not really a slob but when he takes a bite out of one side and a drop of cream falls on his shirt, I think to myself, that’s not how you eat an ice cream bar you slob. Then he looks at me, his bar only half eaten and offers to give me the rest of the bar. I am only reluctant in my mind. Outwardly I am happy and pretty much snatch the rest of the bar out of his hand.

I licked away at the now sloppy, drippy ice cream which was getting all over my hand. The guy just watched me. When the ice cream bar was done, I started licking the cream off my fingers. Aware that the guy next to me and some of the males sitting at the desk were ogling my semi-sexual hand licking, I leaned back to lie flat on the floor to avoid theit gaze, still licking slowly at the cream and chocolate on my fingers, savouring the taste.

Then I was doing a walk and talk with my bff through a highschool hallway. It was busy and the hallways were pretty full, the classes must be switching. I see a young guy who looked exactly like Heather Graham come down a set of stairs and merge into our pathway. I stop him and started talking to him, asking if his sister was Heather Graham. He was startled at first but he must’ve thought I was only a year older than him. He was two heads taller than me, adorable with beautiful blond hair and bright blue eyes. From his height, looking down at me, his instinct kicked in and he kind of started to flirt with me as we talked about his much older sister. Then he walked away to another set of stairs that led up.

I yelled out to the kid, “I’m two times older than you by the way!” But he did not hear, neither did anyone else but bff. Under my breath I said to myself, “But if I was younger, I’d go for it.” Bff laughed.

Post-Tripping and Cunty Highschool Bitches

04.15.12

Dream 1:
Woke up in a day bed by a window. I think I was Just coming back up from a p. cube trip. Something I have never experienced but been considering lately in real life. I don’t remember much after that but there was probably more.

Dream 2:
I was in my old house getting ready in the morning. I took out and set the makeup I’d use on my old white vanity table then went to get dressed in the washroom. When I come back to the room and it had turned into a classroom but vanity was still in the corner. I looked around but there were no seats near the vanity so I took a seat in the next island of tables anyway.

The teacher started the lesson. She was going through slides on a projector and she kept going too fast. Myself and a few other students requested her to slow down but the bitch just kept on going, with a smirk on her face! In fact, she deliberately quickened her pace.

I was so mad after the class was over I was storming through the halls n locker-rooms searching for something. I think I was searching for something to destroy. In a narrow hall, 2 male classmates behind were snickering about something. They were not laughing at me specifically but just making fun in general. I considered backing kicking them in the face. Instead I just turned around and charged my way past them.

Down another hallway, I see the teacher’s slides just sitting there on a sitting ledge. As I approach them, in my head thinking of good ways to destroy them, the teacher’s pet cunt blocks my way. She smugly starts to set up a perimeter around the slides with mini cones and tape. The ridiculousness really upset me and I try to go forward but her thugs stopped me.

I was really pissed off so I just turn to leave. Fuming, I climb a square pillar and stand on its ledge hugging the column. I could see the escalator go by, with many people going up it, looking up to find me in an awkward position. I was hoping that I could step off the ledge and just get carried away by it.

Someone pulls my leg and tried to coerce me to get down. Apparently I was making a scene and it’s not good for the department store business.

Sugar daddy drops me off

Dream 04.14.12

I was at a shoe sale with a guy I was seeing and a female relative. She isn’t someone real but her presence was a mix between my sister and my bestie – someone who wants me to be cautious, will watch over me but won’t be too judgemental. I think the guy was being a sugar daddy and paying for all the shoes I chose.

After the sale, we were in his chauffeured car, which was going to take him to work and us to training. We were athletes of some sort and he was a higher-up in that athletic organization. My relative was in the left rear passenger seat. The guy was in the middle and I was on the right.

I was beside him leaning on him and we were “talking” with our eyes somehow. We were getting closer and in my comfort I was slouching on the seat, sliding further and further down. I looked up at his face and he looked down, our eyes never leaving each other. The sunlight was strong outside, it silhouetted his face and cast shadows on it so it wasn’t clear. He wasn’t recognizable as anyone I know in real life. From what I could make out, he had dark curly hair, at least wavy. Anyway, the aura of this person felt like Kevin Pollak. How? He was intelligent, charming but not outstandingly good looking, gentle and emotional, confident and powerful. He was someone who could easily use these resources to manipulate but did not.

Anyway, us locking eyes in that position was a beautiful and intense moment. I reached my right hand from his chest up to his cheek. I pulled/he lowered himself down to kiss me. I get shivers just remembering this part of the dream again. After the kiss, he whispered while smiling, “What’s up with this coupledom?”

I wasn’t “put off” by the statement, more like I was processing how to respond. I climbed up from my slouched position, sat on the edge of his knees, facing him. I looked him in the eyes and hesitantly said, “I can…slow down, pull back…see each other less…” He smiled like I said something silly. His hands were around my waist feeling the small of my back, reassuring me (it felt so good!). He said right into me, to my silly soul, “No no sexy.” We stared into each other’s eyes like this for a while, letting the tension build, just wanting to jump each other right there. Then suddenly the car stopped, we had arrived at our destination. I quickly got off his lap and he either zipped up or checked his fly.

He opened the door with one hand and I kind of rolled out the door intentionally, some stuff fell out with me. The car pulled forward so I could see what rolled out. I picked up a pair of my new shoes, his shoes and my relative picked up hers. When I looked up, he and the car were gone – a busy man.

I hurried inside the building because I was already late for practice/class. It was some kind of mixed setting of sit-down theory and physical martial arts class. I walked in to a gym, the floor had blue mats, the rafters were tall and steep but they were also covered in blue mats. The “seats” were more like standing seats.

I climbed up one step and tried to get by one person to find my seat and this bitch would not let me pass. In the end I made it pass her and found my place. Then as the instructor spoke, in my mind I was seeing the practice rounds. It was like an obstacle course set upon a round running track. One portion of it involved a 2 person basketball game. As long as you scored some technical points with a few baskets you can move on to the next obstacle. That’s all I remember.

A Lesson in Unexpected Fame

Recall is quite horrible this morning I kept self snoozing and missed the bus I intended to catch again. What little I remember of my dream was mostly flushed out with adrenaline. I will try…

Dreams 04.10.12

There was a lot of introspection within the dream, with my dream self, I wasn’t lucid. I think I was introspecting about how to do something but was silent and my husband was just beside me.

Mind you, before the I went to bed I was reading up on oxytocin and vasopressins, on how and when they are released to aid in human pair bonding. I also think I had a hard time falling asleep and had woken up several times in the night.

In a later part of the dream, I was in an elementary school but I was an adult, as a student. The main classroom had desks setup in 3 long rows facing the front blackboard. There were another 4-5 students, mine included, whose permanent desks were setup in an L-shape in an open area just outside the classroom. I started here at my desk. The teacher (unknown and unseen) calls us in as the lesson was about to begin. I went into the classroom and sat my self in the second row.

I was saying hello and being friendly to my fellow classmates, who all seemed to be teenaged or adult when my phone rang. I picked up and it was my mom. She was very excited and kept saying, “Did you hear the news from anyone? Did you hear?” At first I wasn’t sure what she was talking about but I saw to the right, in the first row, the cameraman O.L. from the TV station I worked at. Then I realized she was saying the drama they worked on where I had a small role, somehow received news coverage in the mainstream stations and they showed the clip that I was in. Apparently everyone was talking about it.

She continued to try to congratulate me and I kept trying to stop and interrupt her. Then I noticed the teacher (who I still didn’t see, just felt) was impatient with me receiving a call when class was about to start, so I just said, “Mom mom! I’m in class! Bye!” I could feel her a little hurt on the other end but she stopped and hung up. I looked around at my classmates, a little embarrassed, lingered on O.L. to see if he had anything to say. He did not. Then we all turned towards our own space, notebooks, etc. and the lesson began.

Dreams 04.03.12 (and more)

We watched Warrior last night with roommate. It was a good movie. Roommate and I made many silly comments and observations throughout and I had moments of missing df in these exchanges. I wish very much that he could have his chance to speak to my husband and that my husband could forgive him. Things would never be exactly as they were but I wish I and husband could have df back in our lives.

I also thought about the gift from my husband and about how I can’t take a good thing from him for what it is.

The movie was long. By the time it was over and I had showered and gone to bed it was 1am. I didn’t think I would dream but I asked myself about what meaning I took from the gift.

Dream:
I was sitting on an armchair to the side of a classroom, observing a teacher and his class. To the right was the blackboard and teacher’s desk. To the left were the students’ desks. The teacher was more to the left, addressing the children who were about 10-12 years old.

Then they all looked toward me and I looked toward the teacher’s desk where Liquid Stranger, dressed in a robot suit was fiddling with a laptop. He kept his eye on me waiting for a cue. I nodded my head and he pressed a button. All around the classroom, the start of some Excision dubstep track came on with the signature bassy robot voice. A smile spread across my face and the students went berserk.

“Fire up the bass cannon!” The students started to stand up and respond to the song, nodding their heads and convulsing their bodies to the music. The teacher looked a little nervous but he wasn’t trying to contain their reaction. I just sat there enjoying the sounds and gave Liquid Stranger the robot props from across the room.

This next part should be part of the same dream but I don’t remember if anything happened in between. I was sitting in a workbench area in a swivelly chair. The workbench had small electronic parts, soldering iron, screws, bits all over. Stephen Chows as he looked in Kung Fu Hustle was in the chair next to me.

I knew distinctly that we were on a spaceship, travelling slowly on course to an unknown destination. Stephen Chow was the captain. I was just sitting beside him, tinkering when another crew member had come along just to chill with us. Then the captain turned to me and handed me a gadget. Apparently it’s something I’ve always wanted. I was super excited and turned the gadget over in my hands, inspecting it, all the while thanking him.

Then some of the parts came loose in my hands but the gadget wasn’t necessarily broken, just missing a few small parts that held it all together. I was a little disappointed because while it didn’t look brand new, I hadn’t expect it to fall to several pieces when I first laid hands on it. I looked at the captain and asked, “Did you know when you got it?”

He replied, “I knew but it just takes a little bit of work. I’ll fix it up for you. Don’t worry.” I was still happy and kept looking at the gadget, checking out what bits were missing and how it could be put back together.

I realized something else as well after my Honor and Pretense post. My husband is very honorable with the few people he considers trustworthy, people he considers close friends. He’s never there for anybody on an emotional level so it’s hard to tell who he thinks of as important to him. However, because he is honorable in that respect, that’s why he is so shocked and disgusted by our actions to him. This includes my betrayal, df’s disloyalty and roomie doing things behind his back.