Combatting Misogyny Even In Dreams

Dreams 05.06.17
I was attending some kind of multi day conference. It was dinner time and I made my way to the dining hall where about 10 round tables were jam-packed into a slightly too small room. The room had wood paneling all around. It felt like I was inside a boat when I looked out the windows which were just blown out with white light that I really couldn’t see what was out there.

I went to my assigned table and found two other people already seated. One was a woman I had already met earlier during the event but didn’t have a chance to talk to yet. The other was a man, I believe he was Asian, possibly Chinese. I can’t remember exactly. He was dressed in a grey suit jacket, white shirt, no tie. He might even be a man I met years ago at the coffee shop where I worked during my first couple years of university. He was a professor of some sort at another local university who chatted me up, at least 15-20 years my elder while I was about 21. This person in later years emailed me again to try to get in touch but by then I had felt a bit creeped out by the circumstances of continuing a non-existent “friendship” which had basically no commonalities beyond the fact that he loved movies and I was attending film school. We probably spoke in person for a whole 90 minutes total over a few days when he went to the coffee shop. It was just weird.

Anyways something was being discussed or debated the the table. I don’t remember what it was. I said something which the man obviously disagreed with because he then said passive-aggressively that my mistake could be understood or tolerated because of my condition. The implication was that I had “baby-brain”. I didn’t even realize I was pregnant in the dream but I looked down at my belly and I was indeed just starting to show, about 3 months pregnant in had deduced in the moment. Nevertheless, whatever my point was, was not a mistake nor does baby-brain affect a person that early in a pregnancy, as far as I knew. I was very angry instantly and I could see that the other woman at the table was as well, though she was showing more discomfort than anger on her face. I responded almost instantly with something that called out this man for his misogyny, for his dismissal of a woman’s valid opinions. I’m pretty sure that I ended up yelling at him, told him he should not sit at this table or attend this conference which had a clear mandate to have a respectful and open exchange of ideas. That’s when I noticed others in the room staring. I saw other looks of discomfort but also other looks which encouraged or agreed with me, all from both men and women.

Then I “woke up” in the dream to my bf as per day our usual Saturday mornings. We started fooling around and he showed me his which was ridiculously​ larger than normal. I started to but had to pee n also was a bit intimidated. I rolled out of bed to go to the washroom, turned around n saw a little dog jump off the bed. It was one of our old family dogs, the toy poodle Baby. She had some crazy bedhead going on. Then another larger dog jumped off the bed a d it was a Juju colored dog (my dog now) also with crazy bed head. After going to the washroom and crawling under the covers, I woke up for real.

Unlawful Release and A Sniff n’ Rescue

Dreams 09.10.12
I entered the lobby of an institutional building. It had grey marble floors, walls, tall ceiling and it had large windows. It was completely lit by natural light but since the sun was not very strong at the moment it actually felt kind of dark. I am not sure what type of institutional building it was but it felt medical.

I remember running down stairs into the basement floor and unlocking a few doors in a sneaky fashion. I walked through areas that were renovated and unfinished, some parts I had to duck down and I remember distinctly walking through some cobwebs that were caught in my hair. I did not see them at first when I walked past but felt them when I walked through.

Then I walked past a person that I knew someone who was a relative, she looked like my aunt. When I walked by her we were in a hallway where there was only 1 door leading outside. So it was a Greg hallway with 2 it window/door at the end. I remember feeling as if I have done everything I needed to do in this building without anyone knowing, but this. She looked at me with expectation and I opened the door for her to let her out. Then I left the building.

After that, I walked back into the building through the front doors as if nothing had happened before, as if I had not just snuck in and snuck back out. Now the building had more people, they were running around panicked, as if they were trying to solve a mystery, to fix an emergency. I looked around pretending to be innocent because I knew that whatever problem they were trying to solve had to do with me letting the old lady out of the building. She was not supposed to be let go, she was supposed to be some sort of prisoner.

A person that was my friend, who also worked for the police or the people in charge of this institution came up to me to ask questions. I answered them as if I knew nothing but I felt slightly guilty.

The next dream that I had I was just rounding a corner to an alleyway. I turned around and behind me came running 3 to 4 big dogs, behind them came my friend JM. We were supposed to look for a lost dog that had run into a random building down into a subasement of a dirty, ratty looking place.

It turns out I have stopped just in front of the door. It was rusty creaky and disgusting. The old paint was all flaking off. The door was unlocked so I swung it open and JM’s big dogs ran inside, downstairs right away. It was dark down there with just a faint bit of light at the bottom of the stairs. We followed the dogs anyway.

When we were down there it was like an unfinished basement of a house. You can see plastic sheets draped over the fiberglass against the walls. In some areas the plastic was whole, covering the wall from ceiling to floor. In other areas the plastic and fiberglass was ripped. The dogs sniffed around the edges of the floor trying to sniff through the plastic at the fiberglass. I wondered how we would find this lost dog. There was nothing at all in this basement that i could see other than the walls and concrete floor.

I looked around anyway, walking with the dogs until we came to a torn piece of plastic. Now all the dogs were sniffing at this part of the wall. I crouched down to get a better look. Curled up, folded up in an impossible fashion was this dog, somehow in the wall. It was brown and white, kind of like a cow, like my real Bulldog in real life. But the shape of the dog was more like a basset hound. I called out the dog’s name and it just kind of fell off the wall onto the floor. Then it pushed itself up on its feet and started walking and playing with the other dogs. It was very strange to see.

Dreams 03.10.12 – W.I.L.D. part 2

I was so encouraged by the false awakening, the fact that the WILD technique actually worked, that I was determined to try again.  Forget leaving the house to go out and about!

I went back to try the WILD techniques again. It was much harder this time because I was excited and overly eager (if that is possible than before).

I ended up “waking” up in a bedroom, obviously not like the one in the real world. It was a queen bed, lots of blankets, kind of reminded me of the old bed in the master bedroom in the house I grew up.  Except this house was bigger.  The dog was sleeping with me here too and she jumped off the bed.  I thought she was disturbing me from focusing on lucidity.  At this point, I’m not really sure if I am awake or asleep. I did the hands reality check and my hands looked funny like they were blending into each other but I still wasn’t sure so I opened the door to let the dog out so I could be in peace.  I went back into bed and she had come running back somehow.  Turns out the room had 2 doors to 2 separate hallways.  I let her out again and closed both doors.

I went back to the bed to try again in this part of the “dream” and woke up in a completely different bed.  This time it was a dirty looking room, dark paint on the walls, chipped, creaky bed, etc. I roll out of it and there is another empty bed in there.  I check my hands again and once more they were blendy and penguin like.  I was becoming sure now that this was a dream.  There were footsteps coming down the hallway.  Someone “kicks” open the doors and 3 unsavoury looking men come in.  I can’t really remember what happened but they didn’t seem to want to do harm to me.  Again, in my always sexually charged mind, I think they just wanted to do something with me.  I didn’t think I was in the mood.  I just know in the end I had tied one of them down, shirtless, by the wrists and ankles.  The one that had punky stylings, a tattoo of some words across his chest.  He was strapped down to the bed by some belts or something.  I went up to him before leaving the room and told him I think I met him before, either he went home with my bestie ages ago at a club or at least made out with her.  Well, I couldn’t really remember.  The tall, burly and big guy was just observing in the corner of the room.  I just left the room.

I looked at my hands again I think, because I knew I was losing control of the dream so I really tried.  I tried to visualize a place, mould my dreamscape.  Ended up on the side of a road, kind of barren hill on one side, which had an opening to a big park or yard.  Again I checked my hands and confirmed another time they were being weird.  I think this time I really got confirmation that I knew I was dream.  I recall actually jumping up and down in my dream.  I also think I felt my real body inside my bed at that point responding to me jumping.  Fearing that I would wakeup, I calmed down a bit and walked towards the park.  There I saw these dog-like creatures doing tricks, walking backwards balancing on balls.  Their owners were cheering them on.  When I got closer they didn’t really seem to be dogs at all but they looked like fat shih tzus with puggy noses.

After that I was losing focus again and almost waking up.  The images and sounds were fading in and out.  I really wanted to stay in a lucid state inside the dream world longer.

I tried desperately to think about something that would keep me in the dream so I thought about my dear friend, the good feelings I have with him, the warmth, the mutual respect, connection, etc.  Just wishing I could see his face, feel his arms around me and just be able to stare into his eyes but everything kept slipping away.  I think something else had happened in the dream too but again in a way that wasn’t as vivid as people say lucid dreams are.  Everything was really slippery, control or memory wise.

Anyways, I guess I am happy because of the progress.  Surprised that it is not as vivid as described.  Maybe I don’t know what’s real or never thought “realness” meant anything in the real world because sometimes it feels as fleeting and dreamlike.  I need to either retain more control or at least remember to meet myself, or a guide in the dream.

More practice should do.  I’m not discouraged.