Tickets, Fire, Impressions

Today’s recall has seemingly unrelated bits…

Dreams 08.07.12
I was in a line up to buy some event tickets with husband, my friend SB and his old gf/baby mama. We are having a conversation and husband is only marginally participating. We were talking about somebody in particular and husband chimed in and said she’s part black. We moved forward the zig-zaggy line and I said uh, no I don’t think so. Then SB and LL caught up and said the same thing to him to see if he was really serious. Husband just didn’t respond and moved up to the ticket counter.

Another part of dream: I was in a house with some people. Memory is fuzzy here…but we hear from someone that the house is on fire somewhere upstairs. We don’t seem too concerned and make our way out of the house very slowly.

I am sitting in a kitchen making a great impression on my boyfriend’s (in dream) family. His lovely Christian family was welcoming me with open arms and eating up every story I tell them. We’re all having a good laugh. Some of my boyfriend’s buddies are there too. Then somehow his mom started talking about Twitter and about whether I used it. I must have lots of little random opinions or thoughts that I feel the need to shout out. Since they’ve been so open with me, my first instinct was to not lie but I was reluctant because I talk a lot of shit, swear and say many inappropriate things on Twitter. But since I hesitated, everyone in the room knew I did use it and only trying to hide my name. Then everyone in the room began to goad me into telling them my Twitter name. I don’t recall saying it but they got it and started looking at my page on a phone. My boyfriend’s buddies looked closely at the name and were like, “No way! That’s your name? Shiiit!” I couldn’t tell if his mother disapproved. She was just reading my tweets intently. I was embarrassed and worried but I guess the cat’s out of the bag. I am what I am, ridiculous & uncouth. It makes for some good entertainment at least some of the time.

There was another bit of last night’s dreams that I forgot. Oh well…

A Goopy Bloody Mess

Disclaimer!
Today’s dream recall is not recommended for male readers. It is sort of graphic in nature, in the lady cycles kind of way. Please be advised.

I tried to dream good memories with husband again, hoping it would be a more mutually connected type of memory. I was pretty tired though, actually slept a lot earlier than usual and maybe my auto-suggestion wasn’t quite so successful.

Dreams 08.03.12
I was at a black tie event with my husband. It was very glamourous, held in a building that looked part museum, part courthouse. It had very high ceilings, marble columns, square staircases, etc. I was wearing a black, floor length, deep-v, super slinky dress with a fine gold dangly chain sew just under the boobs. It was cut so there was a high middle slit at the front that came just shy of crotch. If an evil goddess took a bath and stepped out of the water, that’s the kind of dress she would step out in. She would slowly surface and with each step, it would appear that the surface of the water was wrapping around her head, then her body, to form this dress until she stepped all the way out fully clothed. I digress.

It was beautiful and elegant but very daring, much more so than anything I’d wear in real life. I felt taller in it. But I suppose even the dream-me had a bit of modesty. Draped around my neck was some kind of fur robe or stole that went all the way to my calves . I don’t even know what animal it was, just that it was the softest thing in the world against my arms. It also helped to hide the extra skin flashing from the dress’ frontal design.

I don’t remember much of the interaction with husband at this event. Honestly I don’t think there was much of it at all. I know I told him I had to go to the washroom but I didn’t at that point. I just wanted to leave his side and go explore the building.

His buddy from work who I also know, I’ve gone on many fishing trips with the two of them, saw me walking with purpose and he joined me in my stride. I must’ve looked upset because he asked me how are things and what’s wrong. From that I took it that he had some knowledge of husband and my current situation and I let my tongue loose just a little.

I said things are not great and I feel guilty, trapped and that I don’t want to be here. To my surprise he said to me, then just split your money and go. I don’t think I really responded to that. I was shocked to hear him say it. Then I suddenly had a terrible cramp, a shooting pain in my abdomen. Then I felt as if something were going to trickle down my legs like during my period. I needed to get to a bathroom right away.

While we were talking, we had walked upstairs and pretty far from the main party. I saw a women’s restroom door down the hall, on the side of the building that was dimly lit, probably closed off. I said excuse me to his work buddy and ran off towards to the restroom in a panic.

When I opened the door, it was a very small washroom. With only 2 stalls and one sink. The first stall was immediately to the left of the entrance door. To explain this better, imagine 4 units of space arranged in a square. The entrance door took up the bottom right. The sink & trash can took up the top right and the 2 stalls were on the left. That was it! There was even a restroom attendant jammed into the corner where the sink was. It was super cramped. I could tell that the stall further in was occupied so I quickly twirled myself into the first stall. Why twirl? Because I needed to in order to maneuver around the tight space.

Then I finally took a look at the surroundings. The fluorescent light flickered annoyingly, the floor was wet and filthy with tiny chunks of wet toilet paper, streaks of something and oh it’s gross just to think about it. I immediately picked up my skirts a little to keep it off the floor. Then I had to use the other hand to try and reach into my dress through the middle slit to maneuver my underwear, without dropping the fur stole or touching the walls too much, not touching whatever was leaking out of me, AND keep balance. It was difficult to say the least. The only thing I could think of was, what is that attendant doing here? Why is she not doing her job and what is the other person in the other stall doing?

When I reached between my legs, I found that I wasn’t actually wearing any underwear and I felt whatever was leaking out of me. I took my hand out to look and it was blood…but it wasn’t blood. It was supposed to be blood in the dream but the coloring was honestly more like goopy buffalo wing sauce. I looked from my hand to the floor and apparently I had leaked all over the place. I was disgusted with myself and panicking. Then I thought I was accidentally wiping what I had on my hands onto the fur stole, the dress. I was freaking out!

Then there was a knock on the restroom door and my husband’s work buddy asked if I was okay. He tried to open the door just a gap. The attendant dashed to the door and tried to block him out and I just didn’t know what to say. I was horrified by the mess I had made, embarrassed and felt disgusted with myself. I was basically covered in my mess and there was no way to clean it up. How could I walk out that door? How could I face my husband’s friend or ANYONE out there. How can I make my escape and still save my face?

Embarrassing My Mom

Dreams 07.01.12

This one is fuzzy again. I remember there was a lot of water and I was possibly drowning, swimming or at least overwhelmed by water. There was something akin to water breaking or a dam bursting. How things happened or in what context or if it is related to the next bit, I couldn’t say.

My mom and her bf were having a party. It was an informal gathering with plastic bups and thin white plastic table cloths. It was held inside a brightly sunlit room. It had an elementary school classroom, almost kindergarten room feel to it. It had open areas where groups of tables with food and drinks were set up.

I arrived at the party with several other people and I think I was supposed to bring something. I’m not sure why but I was purposely not brining it into the party to make my mom embarrassed. I think it was a shotgun (not that THAT is the reason why I didn’t bring it). I think I felt bad about sabotaging her party but I think her insistence on using something to elevate herself in some way, that didn’t belong to her physically or spiritually (coz guns aren’t “her”) really bothered me. I was trying to teach her a lesson.

I avoided her for most of the party. Just kept circulating so I didn’t stay in one place at a time. Then I went into another room to grab something to bring out front and she came in to ask me directly where the “thing” was. I lied to her face. She seemed to know I was lying but did not make a big deal about it because she couldn’t understand why I would lie. She also didn’t want to fight with me at her party so she just walked out with a semi angry, frustrated and disappointed look on her face. I felt really bad about it.

A Birthday Party Zombie Maze

Dreams 06.30.12

There were no memories of the night time dream. This one happened and It was from falling asleep at a failed WILD attempt.

I was inside a big gymnasium/hall. It was L-shaped. On one side of the L was a stage setup. On the other side of the L there were 5-6 long bench tables. It was covered with festive tablecloths, food, cutlery, drinks, etc. The place was setup for a birthday party of someone I knew and I helped to organize it.

In the middle big area between the stage and tables, something else was being setup but I didn’t really know what it was. Guests were starting to arrive and I saw many familar faces from highschool, elementary school. People I have never been close with but have known since I was 13. Thanks to Facebook I now have pretty concrete images of their adult forms.

Skip past some time and the party is in full swing. I was getting up from one of the tables, shuffling along to get to the end. I saw SW (“rich” daddy’s girl from elementary school), CM (a girl who hung with SW and used to always be purposely outspoken), VW (also part of their old clique but turned out way cooler as a person, smart and beautiful). I must’ve seen others but it is strange that I only remember them now. They were the 3 who were “popular” in our class during junior high. But it’s not like that status lingered on into highschool, they became like everyone else. Not unpopular but just normal.

Anyways, I wanted to make my way towards the stage area but the “thing” they were setting up before is now up. It’s a gigantic maze that took up the entire space. You either had to go through the maze to get to the stage and dancefloor or there was a tiny little gap between the maze and the inner corner of the L. I squeezed through the gap.

Then I stood there watching 4 people dance and sing on stage. 2 of them were VN and AY (I ran into at the bus stop a few years back). I wanted to go up to joij in on the fun but was afraid. Finally I said fuck it and climbed up. The people on stage barely ackowledged me except VN. I joined in on their song and dance clumsily, twirling and lip-syncing. A few times during the twirls I almost fell off stage right.

I started to feel embarrassed so I jumped off the stage. The song and dance continued on without me. I walked towards the entrance of the maze from this side of the room and entered. There were other people in the maze playing a game of zombies chasing/attacking humans. I passed by a few people pretending to be zombies, nobody I knew, so they ignored me because I didn’t seem like I wanted to participate.

Then I walked into MK, an old friend of my highschool ex. He wasn’t really playing either but we exchanged smiles in recognition. Then he pretended to be a zombie and attacked me. I laughed at first. Then his pretend zombie act continued and he pinned me to the ground. It was still all in good fun but as I was on the ground pretending to be ravaged by a zombie, playing along, I started to feel like I was being molested. Yet I continued to play along anyway.

A Lesson in Unexpected Fame

Recall is quite horrible this morning I kept self snoozing and missed the bus I intended to catch again. What little I remember of my dream was mostly flushed out with adrenaline. I will try…

Dreams 04.10.12

There was a lot of introspection within the dream, with my dream self, I wasn’t lucid. I think I was introspecting about how to do something but was silent and my husband was just beside me.

Mind you, before the I went to bed I was reading up on oxytocin and vasopressins, on how and when they are released to aid in human pair bonding. I also think I had a hard time falling asleep and had woken up several times in the night.

In a later part of the dream, I was in an elementary school but I was an adult, as a student. The main classroom had desks setup in 3 long rows facing the front blackboard. There were another 4-5 students, mine included, whose permanent desks were setup in an L-shape in an open area just outside the classroom. I started here at my desk. The teacher (unknown and unseen) calls us in as the lesson was about to begin. I went into the classroom and sat my self in the second row.

I was saying hello and being friendly to my fellow classmates, who all seemed to be teenaged or adult when my phone rang. I picked up and it was my mom. She was very excited and kept saying, “Did you hear the news from anyone? Did you hear?” At first I wasn’t sure what she was talking about but I saw to the right, in the first row, the cameraman O.L. from the TV station I worked at. Then I realized she was saying the drama they worked on where I had a small role, somehow received news coverage in the mainstream stations and they showed the clip that I was in. Apparently everyone was talking about it.

She continued to try to congratulate me and I kept trying to stop and interrupt her. Then I noticed the teacher (who I still didn’t see, just felt) was impatient with me receiving a call when class was about to start, so I just said, “Mom mom! I’m in class! Bye!” I could feel her a little hurt on the other end but she stopped and hung up. I looked around at my classmates, a little embarrassed, lingered on O.L. to see if he had anything to say. He did not. Then we all turned towards our own space, notebooks, etc. and the lesson began.