Late for a Date

07.31.12
I was in my artist/pottery workshop, getting ready to go out to meet someone. It may have been some sort of date. I can’t remember the meeting part at all.

The studio/workshop was open for business, located right on a busy street. It was decorated plainly and it was very clean. Again like most settings in my dreams, it was white and clinical. There were patrons in the studio, sitting, waiting for someone to bring their art pieces so they can continue their work.

I had a helper in the studio who was taking care of the patrons. In between her work she was kind of teasing me about my big important meeting. That’s why I thought it was a date. I was taking some time to get ready but partially because I didn’t want to leave my studio and patrons behind. I felt guilty, like I was abandoning something that I loved, a place that was comfortable and that I felt good about building.

Eventually I think I did go out but then I don’t remember the meeting at all.

Guitars and Debt Collectors

Dreams 07.19.12
I was living with another girl who was either my sister or bff. We were in our living room which had dark wood panel walls. Our couch was well worn, dark in color and the coffee table was a light creamy shade. We had a visitor, a tall man dressed in a hipster southwestern style. He brought out a guitar. It had sunburst body coloring and I didn’t know it in the dream but looking it up now, it is a Gretsch guitar, with that vintagy mandolin style to its body.

When he started plucking at it, I became super excited because I had one too! Not in real life but in the dream I did. I looked over my girl friend’s shoulder to the corner behind the couch. I could see the top of an acoustic guitar case but thought that was my regular Yamaha acoustic. Now where did I put the fancy one? The visitor continued strumming and I decided to take out the one in the corner anyway.

As it turns out, my Gretsch WAS in there. It had an original wood color and the neck had these weird gadgets on it. The visitor put down his guitar and reached for mine. He looked at the various gadgets on the neck and said, “This is nice but it doesn’t need all this.” To that, he proceeded to flip the gadgets out of the way and fiddle with knobs to reset the guitar to original condition. Then he handled it, playing it as if it was his own.

This next part of the dream I’m not entirely sure happened. I may have incorporated some real memories from real events from last night. Well, I still may have incorporated real events into the dream, in the dream…if that makes any sense. Whoa layers!

I was talking to husband. He tells me he has to be out for a few hours and will be back late. I said whatever it didn’t matter. If I needed to go out I would find a way. So then he left and another male friend came by to hang out with me. It wasn’t anyone I can name, may have been imaginary.

Then this guy, the Project Manager for a company my real life offie team works with regularly, he comes by. I was expecting him but totally forgot. He had come by to pick up some money for services he would provide. What service? I can’t tell but he seemed to work for a bank or finance company. I looked at my male friend and we both knew we had absolutely no cash. All I needed was like $80. It’s not really that much but I had to apologize to the guy and tell him that I will run to the ATM next door to get his money while my friend kept him occupied.

I ran next door. There was a glass windowed white room with 4+ ATMs spaced about 15 feet apart. There were a lot of people waiting in several non uniform lines but it should’ve been fast. When I was almost at the front of my line, I realized that people were willy nilly letting people into line, jumping lines, standing there not moving, etc. It was actually absolute chaos even though it looked like orderly line-ups at first.

I was getting impatient. Luckily when I got to the front, nothing weird happened to delay me so I ran right up to the machine. After inserting my cart and punching in some I.D. verification, I expected to machine to spit out the money I needed right away. Instead, the computerized voice announced that my request required additional approval from a bank manager. Please be patient while we send this through for processing. Then the screen showed a waiting icon, with a progress bar and turning hour glass, playing dull elevator waiting music. I looked around at the other people in disbelief, seeking confirmation of my frustration but no one seemed to notice.

I was starting to feel the eventual embarrassment and shame of going back late to the Project Manager. How long am I supposed to wait for? I could just abandon it and go back to apologize but then I would still not have his service fee for him and he had come all the way to my house. Plus I’d lose my convenience card and when the money did come out, someone else was sure to take it. There would be the hassle of applying for a new card too. And what if I stayed to wait? What could happen then?

I could wait a really long time, the request would go through and I’d have money in hand. Except I may have kept the PM waiting so long that he’d get fed up and leave. Would my friend be upset with me too? Then I decided that he wouldn’t but I did wish I could have a better explanation for him than the truth. Or worse, I could wait forever, the request would not be approved and the PM would get ged up and leave also.

I was thoroughly frustrated by the dilemma over a seemingly mall issue and I knew I would just have to make a decision one way or another, for better or for worse.

Embarrassing My Mom

Dreams 07.01.12

This one is fuzzy again. I remember there was a lot of water and I was possibly drowning, swimming or at least overwhelmed by water. There was something akin to water breaking or a dam bursting. How things happened or in what context or if it is related to the next bit, I couldn’t say.

My mom and her bf were having a party. It was an informal gathering with plastic bups and thin white plastic table cloths. It was held inside a brightly sunlit room. It had an elementary school classroom, almost kindergarten room feel to it. It had open areas where groups of tables with food and drinks were set up.

I arrived at the party with several other people and I think I was supposed to bring something. I’m not sure why but I was purposely not brining it into the party to make my mom embarrassed. I think it was a shotgun (not that THAT is the reason why I didn’t bring it). I think I felt bad about sabotaging her party but I think her insistence on using something to elevate herself in some way, that didn’t belong to her physically or spiritually (coz guns aren’t “her”) really bothered me. I was trying to teach her a lesson.

I avoided her for most of the party. Just kept circulating so I didn’t stay in one place at a time. Then I went into another room to grab something to bring out front and she came in to ask me directly where the “thing” was. I lied to her face. She seemed to know I was lying but did not make a big deal about it because she couldn’t understand why I would lie. She also didn’t want to fight with me at her party so she just walked out with a semi angry, frustrated and disappointed look on her face. I felt really bad about it.

A Drive Across Town

Dream 05.15.12
Bestie’s fiancé was visiting so I took him out for a drink. We went back home, in the house I grew up in and kept chatting. Then it was getting late and I’d told him I would drive him back to his hotel. On the way out, an old film colleague was on his way in. I guess he lived here too.

We exchanged a few words and he asked us where we were going. I told him I was driving bestie’s fiancé across town back to his hotel. The colleague quickly offered to drive him there because he was just heading that way himself. I did have something I had to prepare for after driving him back and the extra time would be a godsend so I took up the offer without much thought.

As bestie’s fiancé was coming out with his bags, I told him about the new arrangement. He got into my colleague’s car but looked a bit miffed. As they were about to drive off I reacted and jumped in the back of my colleague’s car also. I said, “Sorry I DID say I would take you back…so I’ll just come along for the ride.” My colleague looked back and shrugged his shoulders. He couldn’t care less.

Then bestie’s fiancé said in a sarcastic way, something like this, “So we get closer but somehow still farther apart…” Then he turns to my colleague, then back to me with “Sorry I don’t mean to bitch, just making an observation.”

I sat there in the back feeling guilty and unsure about myself.

A New House and Playing Hooky

Dream 05.09.12
I was living in a house with husband and roommate in the same arrangement we have now except we were in a different house. It was more modern in design and the spaces within were “lofty”.

Anyway the order of all this could be jumbled. I followed a female friend and her bf who had come by the house to the mall. He apparently had stuff to buy. After we had already walked about for a while, he led us into a sports clothing store and headed straight to the counter. I was just browsing around and saw a pair of slouchy pink thigh high boots with a low heel. I picked it up and contemplated how it would go with this pink Roxy tank I bought while in Florida. With a pair of denim cut-off shorts, it would look hot.

I set the boots back down on the shelf and I overheard some girl scoffing at me for even considering such a buy. I was mildly irked but whatever. Then I went up to the counter to see what the bf was buying and it was some small electronic thing. My reaction to finding out was definitely one of disapproval. I felt like we walked around forever and THIS was what we really came for? Anyways, I walked out of the store and didn’t wait for him to finish his transaction.

Back at the house: I just got home. Then roommate and husband just returned from some all-nighter party or mission. Roommate looked like shit. I never saw husband’s face in the dream by the way, he was just around. Anyways, they were supposed to go out again and I went into the garage, which had tall ceilings. It had rained earlier that day and water was dripping through the garage roof. I had put a large notebook sized piece of electronic equipment (some computer peripheral card) into a garbage bag for protection and husband or roommate was supposed to get it on their own to return/exchange. When I went to get it in the garage for them, there was water pooled on the plastic bag. I was annoyed that they never picked it up earlier thankful that I had the foresight to put it in a bag. I gave it to them and they were off.

Then for much of the dream, I was skipping work because I was partly sick and mostly just did not want to go. It was already 1pm in the afternoon and I still hadn’t called in to let anyone know. I felt bad and irresponsible but kept delaying the call because I just didn’t even want to talk to anyone there or have anything to do with work. Then it was 3pm, and still more time passes. I don’t know if I ever ended up calling.

I don’t remember much more. I think while I was skipping work, there were a few friends hanging out with me.

I was really tired last night and fell asleep fully dressed, no shower or brushing my teeth at 10pm. I woke up a bit a few times, thought maybe I would go clean myself up then crawl back into bed but always decided against it. When I actually woke up this morning, I felt rested but not enough but I was already singing Garbage’s You Look So Fine in my head.

I never really know the lyrics to songs but I listened to the Version 2.0 album so many times in my youth, I’m sure the lyrics were in my head. Here they are:

“You Look So Fine”

You look so fine

I want to break your heart
And give you mine
You’re taking me over

It’s so insane
You’ve got me tethered and chained
I hear your name
And I’m falling over

I’m not like all the other girls
I can’t take it like the other girls
I won’t share it like the other girls
That you used to know

You look so fine

Knocked down
Cried out
Been down just to find out
I’m through
Bleeding for you

I’m open wide
I want to take you home
We’ll waste some time
You’re the only one for me

You look so fine
I’m like the desert tonight
Leave her behind
If you want to show me

I’m not like all the other girls
I won’t take it like the other girls
I won’t fake it like the other girls
That you used to know

You’re taking me over
Over and over
I’m falling over
Over and over

You’re taking me over
Drown in me one more time
Hide inside me tonight
Do what you want to do
Just pretend happy end
Let me know let it show

Ending with letting go

Let’s pretend, happy end

Weddings, Engagements and Zoning Out

Dream 05.02.12
My sister/bestie is visiting. They were kind of blended into one character, I’m not sure if it was both of them or sometimes one or the other. We were busy planning activities to do while she was here. My husband seemed to also be around but I never saw him once in the dream. Anyway I was trying to plan all possible activities while avoiding df on purpose. I was feeling a bit sad about it having to do that.

In a parking lot, I confess that fact to sister/bestie. They said they knew what I was trying to do and had considered breaking “us” up (not sure if she meant me+df since we were not together or me+husband) but had decided against it so I would make my own decision.

I was upset that they stood by and did nothing (even though it was my own fault). I ran away from her and it started pouring rain Sister/bestie came running after me.

Then it was bestie n her fiancee’s wedding reception. They are engaged IRL. I was there either with or without husband. I thought he might be there but didn’t really know in the dream. I didn’t see him and felt like I was there alone and was wondering if other people noticed.

Bestie called me over to where she was and she showed me the special dress she picked out for the occasion. I remember thinking it was kind of loud, not necessarily ugly but too much for my tastes. Also, I didn’t know what specific occasion she meant. Then there was an announcement that it was the couple’s first dance. I was feeling very happy for her as she went over to the “front” but then I couldn’t see her anymore over the crowd.

Then I was kind of zoned out at the party and realized bestie needed help with something but I was spaced out and did not come to her aid right away and there was nothing I could do at that point.

I was sitting on a couch just people watching at the reception. Music was playing. I overhear a conversation where they were discussing someone’s sketch and they actually had it in front of them. When I rolled/turned to them to try to join and and catch a glimpse of the sketch, they just kind of turned away and started talking about something else.

Dinner started. Someone down the bench table said something about a store that I regularly go to, that they sell full collections of a particularly geeky comic. I didn’t read the comic but knew of it and was interested but I was too embarassed and didn’t want people to know I went to this store.

Then I overhear another conversation where my old highschool friend Zann’s friends (Zann was not there) were talking about something I knew about. I can’t quite remember what happened here but I don’t think I joined in.

Later on way home on the subway, I run into Zann and we decide to go out and meet up with other people. We went to an underground lounge/bar/drink n draw / karaoke place. Just before we went down the stairs, we both texted people who were already there for the room #. She got the response. When we went in, turns out it was P+K (the two just got engaged IRL recently after being together for many years and at one point things got rocky and had broken up for about 6 months). I was happy to see two friends who I wasn’t close to but have known for a long time. When I saw them and how happy they were together, I felt alone again that I was married but “on my own”. I don’t know if lonely is the right word to describe the feeling. It’s more like I’m not actually “on my own” but it felt that way anyway and I knew it wasn’t the “right” feeling to have.

Then I was riding the subway again. This time I was with my cousin C (who has broken off her own engagement because she knew they were about to get married for the wrong reasons) and another friend who I can’t put a name to now. I was lost in my own thoughts and suddenly realized that they had gotten off the train at their stop. That’s what I deduced anyway since they were no longer on the train with me. I looked out the doors to see if I could still see them but found a very empty platform. I wondered where they were and finally came to the realization that I had zoned out. I felt bad and stupid.