Finally! Better recall today.
It was Halloween day. I was at the house that I grew up in. My friend Zan was there too. My mom was milling about in the kitchen, tidying up the big breakfast we had. I was already about 2 hours past when I wanted to be at school. Then I knew I wasn’t late for class because Zan and I had spares in the morning. My mom said to me, “Let me know when you are ready and I will drive you to school.”
I was fiddling around with the contents of my everyday purse, a brown weathered authentic Coach vintage leather satchel, trying to move everything into a similarly shaped, sized, lighter brown pleather satchel from some no name store. The only advantage I could see of the pleather purse was that it has more pockets, it should’ve been “better” in a utilitarian sense. I guess that and it didn’t require killing animals. However, t was definitely not as nice nor will it last as long or have that “of all time” quality to it. I also kept finding it difficult to jam the contents of my existing purse into the new one. It was taking me a long time.
I should also mention that since it was Halloween day, Zan and I were both in costume. Zan was in some black slinky velveteen number. Semi gothy, not really a costume. I was in a…let’s imagine a Mexicanized, lengthened version of Super Sailormoon’s costume with more frillly edges, more pouf and swap the pinks with orange. My hair was just normal, long, let out not tied up. That was my costume. I knew it wasn’t really anything but my mom and I worked on it together. It was colorful, well constructed and fantastical. I was proud of it but also somewhat embarrassed because all day long people would ask me what I was supposed to be. So as I was fiddling around with my purse, this was going through my head. I thought I would tell people that I was a fairy, the blue fairy. Which blue fairy? The only one I knew was the one David wanted to meet in A.I.
Anyway, I think because I was taking so long, Zan had left without me. It was now almost noon so I was definitely late for something. I thought to myself, “I am a senior! No I am a grown woman! I’ll just march into that school, right to the principal’s office and nobody can or will say anything.” I played this out it my head as I thought it in the dream.
Then for whatever reason, I was riding on a little bmx bike in full costume (I think the bike had a dark blue frame), no car ride to school. There was no explanation why my mom wasn’t driving me anymore. I was so low on the bike, my knees were constantly bent as I peddled. I was very worried the dress would be ruined and kept imagining the folds of my skirts catching on the bike chain, tangling into the back wheel. Then, to calm my thoughts, I imagined seeing myself on the bike in the distance, the breeze from the ride took the extra material of the poufy skirt behind the bike, causing it to billow gently in the breeze, all the wonderful colors of the dress visible.
After peddling into a somewhat bad part of time, I realized I wasn’t trying to go to school anymore. I was trying to find someone, somewhere. I went across some back streets and arrived at one recognizable street. Unexpectedly, the place that should be there wasn’t. So I peddled along two streets over and realized I made a mistake. I thought the previous street was this street.
The next part is a bit fuzzy. I don’t know if I went inside a building but I basically went through some sort of portal intentionally so I could go to a parallel world because that was the only way to get to where I needed. What I was trying to do was find my husband and he was in a house or building in this neighbourhood I biked to, but in the parallel universe.
I remember that within moments of “crossing”, everything in the world looked bloomy, fuzzy and dream-like. I saw 3 hobbit-like people jump high onto a giant elephant’s back. I was completely startled because they seemed to come out of nowhere. They looked back and down at me, put their fingers to their lips as if to hush me and then they and the elephant slowly walked away. Then I ran around the neighbourhood not quite knowing which house I was searching for.
I busted through the front door (SWAT team style) of a shoddy looking motel/low-rent apartment complex. There was a old man superintendent standing behind the counter, smoking away, dressed in boxers and a loose-fitted, stain covered tank. I yelled at him, asking him if he knew where my husband was, all the while thinking why should he know? He gestured the way without making a sound. I followed the direction that he pointed and found another house. I knocked and opened the front door, taking each step carefully. I yelled out a helloooo, announcing my entrance.
Then 3 people, 2 men and a woman, covered in blankets ran past me in the hallway into another room. I followed them and found the 3 of them piled up, passed out in a dirty, un-sheeted mattress, in a heap of blankets wrapped around various body parts. The women was lying face down, smothered in the blanket. She was topless, just wearing panties. I recognized who it was, it was my husband’s ex who at one point had come to live with us irl. She was passed out. My husband was curled up in the blankets in the middle, only his head sticking out. He had his eyes closed with a stupid grin on his face. He was on something, probably drunk. The third body, some random dude was also wrapped in blankets, with his legs hanging off the bed.
I can’t remember if I actually said anything out loud but I communicated that he should get up now and go home. He had crawled out of the bed and was just kind of rolling around on the floor. Except I remember not really being mad specifically at him, just exasperated and did not want to deal with it. I remember walking away from him so I didn’t have to look at his face. On the floor I saw my bff lying there with a look on her face that said, I’m here with you. Just tell him what you need to say. Then I looked back at my husband and still couldn’t.
What was it that I wanted to say? I knew he wasn’t hurt, just drunk. Whatever. Just like in real life, I didn’t know if I had no words for him or just didn’t want to say it. I felt like I was wasting my bff’s support, wasting this encounter that gave me cause to say what was needed.