Finding What’s Mine

Dreams 03.22.18

I was an “old” student, my age now, enrolled into some program for college/university students. With duffle bag and pillow in tow, I attended what can only be described as a massive house party in a giant mansion. Everyone else there were twenty somethings also attending this program’s kick-off sleepover party.

Lights were off in general and everywhere it was dimly lit by low lamps, candlelight or fire pits. As I walked through the garden towards the house, I recall seeing a long dark haired man or woman spinning poi or meteors.

Inside the party, people and luggage were sprawled out all over. It looked like everyone simply placed their belongings in a spot to “claim” as theirs, which presumably would also be their spot to crash for the night. I had people that I sort of knew at the party so I hung around their little circle and placed my duffle bag, pillow and crazy galaxy color print hoodie near their stuff.

Whatever I was on, drinks or maybe drugs, although I never once imbibed in the dream, my mental state was definitely elevated. Perhaps it was just from the atmospheric fervor of the party. I recall walking around, on tables and counters, super confident, surveying the crowds and looking down to see things I wouldn’t otherwise have seen if I stayed at ground level, being physically short as I am. I felt on top of the world, older and wiser than the young’uns that surrounded me and I was having a blast just being.

Then I suddenly noticed that my duffle bag, pillow and hoodie were not where I left them. I walked around everywhere but could not see any trace of them. Returning to the group of people I had befriended that night, I waited for an opportunity to insert myself into the drunken conversation.

One of the people in the group was a pretty tall man who hunched over slightly. I had not met him yet. When I asked the group if they had seen my stuff, specifically describing the coloring of my hoodie, this tall man stood up taller (he was probably 7 feet tall) and then looked right into my eyes, took my hand, crouched down to my level and whispered into my ear. Whatever he said I do not remember but it was flirtatious and possibly even salacious. He indicated that he either knew where my things were or that he could help me find them. It wasn’t exactly clear what he said honestly but in the dream, I was titilated at the attention he directed at me but I was also weary of it, not really wanting it at the same time. The prospect of going off into dark, unknown territories of this mansion with a strange giant of a man was intimidating but I did really want to find my stuff.

I think I indicated or gestured that I would accept his help but instead of allowing him to lead me through the mansion, I took his hand instead and took the lead. I remember walking into different parts of the house, places that looked like a giant warehouse, the pool area and other parts that I cannot recall now. At no point in any of these rooms did I notice the giant man with me so perhaps I “lost” him but it didn’t matter to me at all. I was now on a mission to find what was mine.


Just Keep On Moving

Dreams 01.27.18

I had travelled somewhere by plane and I was at the airport waiting for my return flight. I was maybe a couple hours from when I needed to be at the gate so I sat around outside, somewhere kind of quiet to chill out and enjoy the sun. It was windy out and I was so confident because I was early that I used my boarding pass as a bookmark. I set my book down briefly to take something else out of my bag and the wind took my boarding pass with it. I…freaked…out.

Immediately I started heading inside towards the gate, fumbling through my bag to look for a passport to show them at the counter, hoping they will print me another pass. However, I realized it must’ve been a domestic flight because I did not bring my passport. Aaah!!!

Nevertheless I headed towards the gates or counter as fast as I could, walking through the large concourse of the flight terminal. I remember I was on the second floor, looking over the ground floor, seeing all kinds of people weaving around each other as I tried to do the same. It just seemed like absolutely everything was getting in my way though.

I panicked some more, exhausted and frustrated. It was as if every big stride I took meant nothing. I was moving the distance I should’ve been but I felt no closer to where I should be. I was ready to just give up…but I kept on going.

Dreams 01.28.18

I remembered the dream earlier today and for most of the day too. But something happened tonight and I am angry though not so much anymore…so I forgot…

Bike Parts at the Flea Market

Dreams 12.12.12
I don’t remember all of it. I know I was with two friends who were a couple. There may have been another person, possibly husband. The couple brought us to a market / flea market. We seemed to be in a foreign country.

I remember going up to the girlfriend and remarking that this place was amazing. There were so many things to see. I was loving the experience. Then after some walking and bumping into the crowds, I realize with the fourth person that we lost the couple. We then tried to search for them and cover all the grounds in the market.

Finally we came upon a narrow back alley. It was “blocked’ by a long square tube of a rack, filled with miscellaneous bicycle parts. Looking closer, I realized this was an actual shop. The parts were laid out on the rack in a way that people could walk through the tunnel of parts and find little bits and pieces in every nook and cranny of the store.

We decided to go through the tunnel to see if our friends were there. Lo and behold, they were! They were excitedly grabbing and examining various parts in the shop, yelling out, asking the owner for prices. When I was close to one of them, I exclaimed, “I KNEW we would fine you here!” They barely noticed us and continued with their rummaging.

There’s another part of the dream I’m not quite remembering. I am just getting the feeling of it. It may have involved a laptop and then someone saying “I told you so” to me.

The Car Search

Had no to low level recalls for a few days. Today is the 2nd day after the start of the “moonblood” flood and I had a pretty easy and perfect recall despite the same amount of little sleep. I haven’t looked back at my records that clearly but I think it’s safe to say that THAT theory stands.

Dreams 09.27.12
I was attending a sit-down annual company dinner for the ethnic tv station I used to work for. They still invite me every year and I am still on the payroll despite not having actually worked in over two years. I guess that’s good? Anyways, it’s usually awkward going to these things. I want to see all the old camera men, see that they’re all still healthy and happy. Only a few of the old assistants are still there but it’s nice to see whoever I know.

The weird thing is that I no longer work with them and also I feel like I have become such a different person that I am out of touch. It’s not like we were ever great friends but when I was there, we all really gelled. Anyway, in the dream it felt exactly like that. I showed up to the event feeling like an outsider. I was also late as usual and not sure where to sit. So I just walked amongst the tables looking for the camera department table hoping there was an empty seat. When I found it, I mostly just sat there like a freshly adopted kid, listening and observing the conversation with no contribution at all.

The dream skipped ahead to the end of dinner. Some of the early leavers were starting to get up to go. One of the older camera men Kit, asked me if I’d go get his car for him. He had just hurt his knee or something and would really appreciate the help. He already had his arm out, keys dangling in my direction before I had said yes. I grabbed them naturally even though I was hesitant because I had no idea what his car looked like. Then I sat down and started to voice my concerns. I said, “I’m not sure what your car looks like. From what I remember it was this boxy silvery grey thing, may or may not be a Honda.” In my mind I had a very functional and robust looking compact vehicle in mind – practical. Then Kit just said, “Oh don’t worry you’ll find it. It’s easy. It’s yellow.” I was still doubtful but now I was aware of everyone around the table looking at me. So I joked and said, “Okay…but YOU,” and I pointed to another old assistant who also no longer works there Freddy, “I need you to come with me. Please? You’ll know how to find Kit’s car.” I said this in a mock bossy tone. Somehow all these guys got all highschool on me and went oooooh, insinuating that I had a thing for Freddy. FAR from the truth. Anyway Freddy took the teasing graciously and said, “No you go, it’s easy. His car is a ____ (fill in a letter + number combo meaning a car model).” I had a vague idea of what the car looked like and a yellow one was indeed rare so I figured I should be fine. I got up to make my way outside.

The doors leading outside were like kitchen service doors, brushed chrome finish and they swung in and out with little round porthole windows. Through the round windows I saw that it was dusk and the sun was setting, orange and red in the horizon. It cast a golden glow over the hoods of the cars in the parking lot. It was kind of difficult to see color because of the bright sun shining in my direction but I walked on.

The parking lot did not look that big at first but it was. I walked around for a long time searching for a yellow whatever model of this car. Mind you, I only had a vague idea of what it looked like. I walked on for a long time, turning down different lanes with no luck. Not even once did I see a car that I thought might have been it.

Then I realized I had been walking around for close to an hour because the sun had completely set by now. It was dark, freshly night time with just a few street lamps in the lot. I thought to myself, “Shit! Kit must be waiting still and by now more people will be leaving and he’ll wonder where the hell I went.” I felt like such an idiot but didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to go back an hour later and say I couldn’t find his car. Then I saw Freddy walking my way. He saw me too so we walked towards each other. I told him I walked forever and couldn’t find the car. He was surprised but then he looked over my shoulder and said, “No it’s over here. You walked right past it.” Then he led me back about 50 car widths back in the other direction. Behind 2 other cars was a black looking Mazda 3 looking car. It was shaped differently than what I envisioned in my mind and a totally different color!

I was shocked and frustrated but thankful to Freddy for helping me find it. Then I wondered why yellow was ever mentioned at all because the car did not have a speck of yellow on it. As I was walking up to the car, I took out Kit’s keys in my pocket. The remote control’s plastic was yellow on one side, black on the other. Then I realized that maybe Kit had a slip of the tongue and described the car the wrong color by mistake.

Mountain Lakeside Roadtrip plus Newsroom Interns

Dreams 08.25.12
Today’s dream came in two parts. I am pretty sure the connected in some way but through my real world eyes, the connection seems awkward.

I was on a road trip with a bunch of women. There was a convoy of 4 compact cars. Fairly certain my sister drove another car while I was in the passenger seat of the car that my mom drove. The entire group did have men but the ratio was definitely skewed. In our car there was 1 man out of 5 passengers. I think we brought the men along to use as emergency pack mules.

Our driving route took us through forest and past mountain ranges and lakes. The reason I knew I wasn’t riving was because I was sitting n the rear driver seat, focused on the scenery outside. We were passing trees and fields but then this giant mountain pure rock was in the horizon. The scenery around it was normal but this mountain, which looked like it was part of a range was reddish brown all along on almost straight edge down from the peak. It was more like a super mountainous but weathered pyramid was plopped down in the forest and abandoned to the elements for thousands and thousands of years. I was fascinated but no else seemed to be.

As I tried to identify or road, the mountain on my GPS phone, through the camera GPS watch (in my dream my iPod nano “watch” was also Google Glasses equipped, with a camera – next generation Apple!), the semi effeminate dude who sat beside me in the middle rear passenger seat was totally molesting me. He was grabbing me from behind, squeezing my breasts, pushing his face and lips against my ears. All the while, I felt uncomfortable that he did that but I just used my hands to kind of push him away and focused on my fascination with the mountain. In the end, I did find the name of the mountain but no one else cared at all, not one bit.

Next the convoy passed a lakeside village. We slowly weaved through the narrow paths between the houses and it didn’t seem like we knew where we were going. Finally we stopped and my mom asked me to look between two houses, which should give me a view of where another path we just passed would end. I got out of the car, walked 50 feet in between the houses and saw that the path dropped down to an interlocked deck, level with the lake. It was beautiful and welcoming, but a dead end. I reported this back to everyone but they still wanted to go despite the dead end. They said that there will be a path out, just wait and see. I was frustrated that no one was listening to me.

Next I was about to cross a busy downtown street. In the middle of the road there were a group of police officers. I couldn’t tell if they were blocking traffic or blocking the way across the street to my work building. I decided to cross anyways, if anything at least I could get a closer look of what’s going on. As I crossed a couple of big end luxury cars whooshed past me, past the police, almost hitting the group. As I was approaching them, a few of them tried to stop me, saying “miss, it would best if you didn’t come this way.” I just kept walking and said, it’s aright because I work here.

When I walked in the door, I saw a bunch of interns sitting two by two at their desks, set up like a classroom, facing the floor to ceiling glass windows. They were all looking out the windows at the commotion with the cops outside and now there were some real reporters outside. I am writing this at dinner time now so I’ve forgotten lots. I think I went to my usual seat to sit beside my internship partner, a guy who was always sort of hitting on me but not really. We exchanged some words and another one of the female interns came over to gossip about what was going on outside. The male intern dismissed whatever she was saying. Then I forget the rest now.

A Concert Mission

I did NOT become lucid or aware or even remember anything during the long sleep last night. But my morning 8-9:30am nap resulted in a successful dream-chaining and a very detailed account. I guess that’s something to be happy about.

I downloaded Sleep Cycle for my iPod Touch. My friend told me it wouldn’t work because I sleep on a memory foam bed with the dog and another person but it seemed to register things well and I’d say fairly accurately from last night. Maybe I can work out my REM cycles and setup some timed audio cues while I sleep in the future.

Dreams 07.06.12
I am inside a large resort (kind of like a ski lodge) with some friends, not very close. They were all sitting in the cafeteria area having a laugh. I felt isolated as I walked past them and nobody noticed but in truth I was withdrawing anyway.

I carried a bag of clothes and other personal items down the stairs and went inside a long room with high ceilings. It was a big room where all the walls were covered with those small pay lockers you get at the pool. I shoved my things into one without paying and went outside.

The outside of the resort was a large concrete yard with a sloped-up grass lawn at the edge. At the top of the slope were mesh fences. If you looked at this “resort” from an aerial view it would probably look more like a compound or a prison. I went up to the fence and started throwing things onto it. It felt like I was doing some kind of work. For whom? I don’t know.

On the other side of the fence, a huge concert event was happening and Halestorm was playing one of their awesome songs. I started belting it out along with the music. Then I noticed someone else close by was doing it too. I looked down the slope to my right and saw another girl sitting on the lawn belting it out. She was just lying their on a towel. There was a guy next to her sleeping with something over his face.

She was younger than me, maybe in her late teens or early twenties. I would say that I feel like if my teen years had been slightly different, she’s who I would’ve been in that age. In reality I became more like that in my mid twenties after university – individual and free-spirited. She looked up at me in acknowledgment. I turned back towards the fence to do my “work”, still singing loudly, now in unison with the girl. I observed the tents and field where the concert was happening wishing I was there. Then the girl asked me, “So are we gonna go or what?”

I stopped working, turned around and started walking back towards the building and without looking at her, said, “Hells yes!” I knew she got up at that point to follow me. Then I said, “If you don’t mind I’m just gonna find the locker I didn’t pay for and put my tools in there so we could go. I don’t want to be carrying this stuff with me.” I’m not sure if she voiced this next concern out loud but there was a concensus and worry that since I hadn’t paid for the locker, the establishmebt may confiscate my belongings.

We went back into the long room which now had different areas, shelves, racks full of books, videotapes and records. I was walking and searching fast, literally jumping from shelf to shelf looking for a large tan leather bag. I knew I would recognize it from far away but after much hopping around like a ninja on the shelves, we found nothing. I wasn’t panicking or anything. The reality that my stuff is now gone didn’t really phase me. I knew that it was probably safe with the authorities. All I would have to do is go to them to ask for it and likely pay a large fine. I was prepared to do so. For a moment a visual montage of locker doors and the coin inserting mechanism of the lockers flashed before my eyes. I realized then that THAT was how I could’ve paid for the lockers. I didn’t realize it then, when I first put my things in.

I actually woke up from the dream at this point and took a few moments to remember. Then quickly drifted back in and chained the dream. No lucidity though, just continued with the flow.

I felt slightly stupid. The coin inserting mechanism obviously said how much they cost: “$4 for 2hr”. Relatively cheap compared to the fine which I was expecting to be $800. I figured I would tell the authorities the truth, that I figured there was a price but it wasn’t clear to me at the time where the coin mechanism was when I went up to a locker so I just used it and walked away. I can only hope the fine isn’t too big.

I said to the girl, “Let’s just go and we’ll come back for my stuff later.” She said, “If that’s what you want.”

We arrived at the concert ground, just outside the entrance. There were lots of people milling about and you can see just past the entrance to the tent that it was packed inside. Outside, amongst the people there was a gap, in the middle the members of Halestorm were chilling out, taking a break. The girl exclaimed, “Ooh! There’s” She said a name of one of the male bandmembers. I don’t even know if it was true. I considered asking her if she wanted to run up to the band and just scream like prepubescent girls but decided against it. It would be silly fun but I wasn’t really up for it.

We got past the entrance. The bouncer stopped us for a few seconds and waved a couple of other people in. Then he waved us in. When we got in, we followed some others which took us upstairs, across a bridge, etc. The building had a lot of rooms and hallways divided by aluminum frames with glass windows. A lot of the frames also had no glass. With each turn I felt like we were getting further from the concert, our destination. I knew we were getting lost.

Finally the hallway ended and we arrived at the edge of the building. The whole wall had been blasted through. It looked over a beautiful otherworldly scene. It was as if the building sat on the edge of a cliff, overlooking a bay below with blueish-purple water. I had a quick telescopic view of the ultra blue waves in the bay crashing against the shores. The mountainside in the distance looked normal, black and brown but before us and on the slopes down in front of us, it was just mounds of course white something shimmering in the light. The sun was setting in deep shades of oranges, reds and pinks. It was alien and beautiful.

I knelt down in front of the white mounds in front of us and dug my arms into the white stuff, elbows deep. It was coarse white salt. I looked at the girl who had dug her arms in too. We were both excited and ecstatic, in awe of the landscape before us. After some moments, we came to our senses and decided to find our way back to the concert again. We turned back the way we came and there was a man, a janitor, custodian type draggin something heavy behind him. It was partly invisible, the part that actually touched the ground. When we passed him I got a better look. It was a gental L-shaped glass thing, rimmed on one side by brushed aluminum. The glass must’ve been 2 inches thick but clearer than any glass could be. I can’t imagine what it was for but it was heavy.

Then we were back downstairs, in the tent where the concert was. The band was back on stage playing and it was dark with flashing lights. I lead the way, weaving through the crowds looking for openings and opportunites to get closer. I’d look behind me every so often to check on the girl, if she was keeping up. Then I found a spot to settle in about 40 feet from the stage. It looked like a good spot to enjoy the rest of the concert. I reached my right arm back to find the girl’s hand, to pull her in behind me.

Instead, when I pulled and looked back, it was a man. Nobody I knew but in the dream I was receptive. He was slightly taller than me, well built, head shaved close. He felt like he was a boyfriend in the dream, not someone I’m totally in love with but just enjoying each other, revelling still in the beginnings of connection. He came up close behind me and we just swayed and enjoyed the concert with our bodies close, warm. It felt really good.

The Unexpected Image of the Perfect Man

Dreams 05.19.12

Dream 1
I was looking for ways to be drunk/high.

Dream 2
There was a new year’s eve party. I grabbed bottles of champagne off a table. Staggered drunkenly over to co-workers and offered them to my boss and boss’ boss. They politely declined because they were sufficiently sauced themselves. I think I stumbled off somewhere to down the two bottles myself.

Dream 3
I was looking for something running down a busy downtown street, through a similar scenario at least 3 times. The first 2 times was during the day and the 3rd was at night. Each time I had to run through a building to a back alley area. The time at night I ran past the door I should’ve entered and got lost. Then I ran back and found the revolving door to go through.

There was a shack in the back area. Sometimes when I approached the shack’s entrance, I would be held at gun point or be in danger of being sniped by some redneck who hung out at a distance, beside a long abandoned 18 wheeler container truck.

Here’s what happened the 3 times I entered the shack.

1st time: A younger JR with more hair than he does now IRL greeted me. He was the perfect mixture of aggressive masculinity paired with a sensitive but caring nature. He held me by the waist with a look that said he wanted me, asked me how everything was, held me close. I opened myself up to him and we fucked like animals.

2nd time: I entered and had the feeling of “coming home”, JR was watching TV with a bunch of dude friends, my real life friend big E was amongst them, sitting next to JR on the sofa. JR said hello to me but didn’t want to seem too “whipped” in front of a bunch of dudes. I was cool with it. I walked up behind JR and big E, kneeled down close to the sofa, the backs of their heads at chest level and hugged them both deeply against my breasts. I kissed JR on the neck and whispered hello to big E. And I’m pretty sure there was some sex after that too, may or may not be a threesome with JR, me and another man. Or it may just have been implied.

3rd time: I came back and entered the house. I felt kind of like a disembodied spirit just watching. I went up to a door and opened to enter it, it lead into a bedroom where I found JR doggy-styling Jen A. He was naked and hairy, a bit of a gut sticking out and slightly balder and older than I remember in the previous parts of the dream. After they were done, he held her and said something jokingly but semi offensive. It was really tame and mild but she just looked too tired to take it or be amused.


I was playing a top down video game, an action-rpg but I felt directly connected to main character. it was 8 bit. I was a spearwife/huntress against a all green grass area, roaming and looking for animals to hunt. The object of the game was to hunt either dinosaur or lions, big game. I was wandering for some time and couldn’t find anything. Then my game playmate who was sitting beside me in a car suggested that I drive elsewhere.

We were at the top floor of a parking garage. I drove and turned many tight corners. I didn’t know where I was going so was lost. I kept driving down the levels while wandering in the car.
We almost turned down a ramp going the wrong way and I had to back up and turn around. Finally, we made our way back to the top level.

Then it was back to the top down mode of the game. This time I got lucky and I slayed a bear or some other big game.
Then I went on and killed everything in sight: rabbits, fish, cats, stuff that was small and weren’t worth a lot of points or gold.

Next I was in a building all made of concrete on the second or third floor. the building had no walls so going to the edge of a floor meant you could just fall off. I approached a cart covered in a white plastic sheet that was wavering by the breeze. In front of it on the floor were Legos or some other small toys. I either yanked the sheet or kicked the cart to try to reveal what was hidden from sight.

I don’t remember what happened after that.

Dreams 03.23.12

Dream 1:

A bunch of my friends from highschool were going to somewhere as a group, maybe a party. M (my ex), big E, J (my once arch nemesis) and my bestie were there for sure. The rest I’m not sure of.

We came upon a maze with 5 super narrow paths. Each of us went through one path.
When it didn’t seem to lead anywhere I jumped and climbed up to sit on a wall to look over the maze. My suspicions were confirmed, the maze had no exit. Somehow we made our way out and kept heading towards our destination.

One weird thing, it’s like everywhere we went was a set in a studio.

We came to an area with 2 circular stairways going up to landing with doors that led to other rooms. Some guy was up there hurling glass vases, globes at us. It was shattering everywhere and the ground was already covered with broken glass.

Then each of us ran past the arean dodging the glass objects bombing down around us. We all made it past but I don’t know if we made it to our destination.

Dream 2:
There may have been more to this dream but I just remember this scene. I am volunteering at an old folk’s home and I was cooking something in a pot on a hot pot stove and soup pot. I was fishing out bok choy out of of the boiling pot of water with long wooden chopsticks into a big bowl with noodles.

Dream 3:
This one happened in the morning when I had woken up about 8 in the morning then drifted back to sleep. I was making out on a balcony with df. It was bright, the sky was just white. It was very windy and my hair was down, whipping around our faces as we kissed. I was wearing a light linen dress that went down to my knees. Then he lifted me up onto the ledge and lowered me onto him. I remember being scared of falling off the balcony but he held on tightly as we continued with the makeout fuck.

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