Impossible Tests, Goldfish and Closets

Dream 1 – 04.29.12
I was walking with a group of students through a doorway into a small school gymnasium. There was loud, catchy, music playing, warming up the crowd for an event. The stage was to the right of the entrance and the crowd was to the left. By the look of it, the crowd was excited for what was coming, it was some kind of surprise concert or something. Seeing this, I was excited to see what was in store as well.

The group I was with was being herded to the back of the room where a bunch of long cafeteria benches were laid out. There were sheets of papers and pens set out along the tables for each person. I looked in disbelief at my colleagues. The event on stage had just begun, it was louder than before now. They were going to have us take a exam in the midst of this cacophony? I was upset.

I sat in my place and flipped the test paper over to skim the questions. They were all worded in ways that didn’t even make sense. There was no way anyone could answer these questions. I looked around to get a consensus from the group, who were all shaking there heads in disgust, wondering how they could do this to us.

Dream 2 – 04.29.12
There is something I cannot remember at the start of this dream. It was time to move so I was cleaning out the closet. Most of it is empty now and I discover a light fixture at the back of the closet with no bulb. I wondered why I never put a bulb in there but it’s too late now. I also thought that even with a bulb it, all the stuff in the closet would’ve blocked the light so it wouldn’t have made much difference.

I go out of the room and I was in my mom’s apartment which was nothing like the real one she lived in. This one had dark hardwood floors and it was just an empty living room. There was a standing lamp with shade and a small circular glass table. On the table was a porcelain figure and a small glass globular fish bowl with a bunch of fish inside. It was so crowded in there but I just knew there were 7 fish and I was horrified that they were all in such a small space.

I crouched down beside the bowl to get a good look and suddenly they all jumped out of the bowl. I panicked and looked around the floor so I could put them back in. I found the first 4 easily. They were all of the small, skinny orange variety. I scooped them up into my palms and plopped them back into the little bowl. The last 3: one was a slug, the next was a fat grub, and the last I cannot remember (I am writing this part in the afternoon so memory of it has gone).

I was pretty grossed out when I found the grub and just told someone about it. I did not pick it up myself. I may have told my mother that it was not right to keep 7 fish in a tiny bowl because the bowl changed into a larger tank, about the size of the crab terrarium that we owned. We may also have manually moved the fish there, I can’t remember exactly. What happened after this is uncertain.

Dream 3 – 04.29.12
I believe this dream happened during or after I had woken up from Dream 2. I was trying to recall it and must’ve drifted back to sleep.

I was writing Dream 2 events in my paper dream journal (the one I used to record dreams while on vacation) with a red ink pen. Although the dream journal was not anywhere near my bed in real life and I also no longer had a red ink pen. In the dream, I was just seeing my hand with this old red pen I used to like writing with, writing things down and kind of talking to myself as I recalled the dream.

When I looked up, I was reenacting the part of the dream where I was looking in the closet while cleaning up except this time it was different. This time I looked in the closet right after my husband had made custom shelves for it. He asked me if I liked the design. I stared at it for a while and thought, is this all there is to this closet? I also thought the custom shelf design (can’t remember actual layout) seemed a bit impractical. I didn’t communicate this verbally but I think he understood that I was concerned about the closet’s size because he said, “There’s another closet over there, I put shelves in there for you too.” I walked over to the other closet.

The layout of this master bedroom, which was empty at the moment didn’t make much sense. There was this main closet but then the other closet was on the perpendicular wall of the room and it was only the size of a linen closet. I thought this can’t be right, it wasn’t designed to be a second closet. This first, small closet was IT. Anyway, I opened the door to see what custom solution my husband had put in. There were 4-5 slanted shoe shelves. The shelves didn’t even fit end to end. It left about 12 inches of space to the right of them for hanging clothes.

I was speechless. Is this what he thought I needed? Just a lot of shoe space and no space for actual clothes? Again, this seemed very impractical.

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Rapping Biebs

Dream 04.06.12

I was sitting at my old cubicle in the area near the Events team. I hear loud music/rapping coming from their area but couldn’t tell where. It wasn’t particularly good nor was it bad but it was so loud and the audio quality amazing. I walked over to my boss’ desk by the window except it wasn’t him that sat there. It was one of the loudest female sales reps with a braying voice.

I asked her, “What is that? Where is it coming from?” She gestured to where the Events Accountant was sitting. I stood up on my tippy toes to look over the cubicle wall and see her staring at her screen intently. Then comes a montage of realization of what she is listening to.

The montage went something like this:
– I hear singing/rapping by a 20 year old Bieber
– layered by the sound of radio announcers discussing the impact it is having on his career, the negative feedback not because the lyrics were controversial
– me, walking out the washroom at Finch subway, grabbing a free newspaper along the way, skimming an article, seeing it in ultra-large print word for word (though fuzzy) that details the types of drugs he is into, that he was high as shit when he recorded the track and released it online

Skip to a scene where I am on my way out the apartment, walking by the main hallway washroom. I hear voices in there and poke my head in. The cleaning lady was showing the other woman in there with her the new toilet caddies she bought.

They just looked like a stack of plastic bin lids, molded in such a way that they stacked over the tank cover, but did not cover the flush handle and they provided a flat area with a lip so you could put stuff on top of the tank and stuff wouldn’t get knocked over easily. The stack of 4 she placed on the toilet were blue. I remember thinking, why is this invention so great or necessary?

Dreams 04.03.12 (and more)

We watched Warrior last night with roommate. It was a good movie. Roommate and I made many silly comments and observations throughout and I had moments of missing df in these exchanges. I wish very much that he could have his chance to speak to my husband and that my husband could forgive him. Things would never be exactly as they were but I wish I and husband could have df back in our lives.

I also thought about the gift from my husband and about how I can’t take a good thing from him for what it is.

The movie was long. By the time it was over and I had showered and gone to bed it was 1am. I didn’t think I would dream but I asked myself about what meaning I took from the gift.

Dream:
I was sitting on an armchair to the side of a classroom, observing a teacher and his class. To the right was the blackboard and teacher’s desk. To the left were the students’ desks. The teacher was more to the left, addressing the children who were about 10-12 years old.

Then they all looked toward me and I looked toward the teacher’s desk where Liquid Stranger, dressed in a robot suit was fiddling with a laptop. He kept his eye on me waiting for a cue. I nodded my head and he pressed a button. All around the classroom, the start of some Excision dubstep track came on with the signature bassy robot voice. A smile spread across my face and the students went berserk.

“Fire up the bass cannon!” The students started to stand up and respond to the song, nodding their heads and convulsing their bodies to the music. The teacher looked a little nervous but he wasn’t trying to contain their reaction. I just sat there enjoying the sounds and gave Liquid Stranger the robot props from across the room.

This next part should be part of the same dream but I don’t remember if anything happened in between. I was sitting in a workbench area in a swivelly chair. The workbench had small electronic parts, soldering iron, screws, bits all over. Stephen Chows as he looked in Kung Fu Hustle was in the chair next to me.

I knew distinctly that we were on a spaceship, travelling slowly on course to an unknown destination. Stephen Chow was the captain. I was just sitting beside him, tinkering when another crew member had come along just to chill with us. Then the captain turned to me and handed me a gadget. Apparently it’s something I’ve always wanted. I was super excited and turned the gadget over in my hands, inspecting it, all the while thanking him.

Then some of the parts came loose in my hands but the gadget wasn’t necessarily broken, just missing a few small parts that held it all together. I was a little disappointed because while it didn’t look brand new, I hadn’t expect it to fall to several pieces when I first laid hands on it. I looked at the captain and asked, “Did you know when you got it?”

He replied, “I knew but it just takes a little bit of work. I’ll fix it up for you. Don’t worry.” I was still happy and kept looking at the gadget, checking out what bits were missing and how it could be put back together.

I realized something else as well after my Honor and Pretense post. My husband is very honorable with the few people he considers trustworthy, people he considers close friends. He’s never there for anybody on an emotional level so it’s hard to tell who he thinks of as important to him. However, because he is honorable in that respect, that’s why he is so shocked and disgusted by our actions to him. This includes my betrayal, df’s disloyalty and roomie doing things behind his back.

Dreams 03.29.12

We were moving and I was packing. I’m not sure who “we” involved but we were moving out of what kind of looked like our old house.
The place was pretty much empty with a few boxes and old furniture scattered here and there. I know I had packed up all of my own shit. That was all sitting in the moving van outside but I couldn’t go for good yet.

The entire master bedroom ful of my mom’s stuff was still there. I kept wanting to go pack it up but someone (could have been my husband) kept saying don’t do it, just wait for her to come pack it all up. I recall feeling an urgency to leave the house. I wanted so much to go pack up all my mom’s stuff anyways because somebody was after us because I/we had done something bad. That was why we had to pack and move secretly.

Then there are chunks of the dream I cannot recall in detail. This part may still be in the old house. Husband and I were standing, waiting in an empty room and he asked me something. It could be related to whether I was staying or going, not sure. It might’ve been part of the whole context of moving, am I staying to wait for my mom’s stuff to be packed or going with moving truck?

Anyway, in response to his question, I just looked at him from across the empty room with a couple boxes between us, turned up my invisible headphones (I wasn’t carrying any music player) and started rocking out to Rockshow by Halestorm. It’s a great song but I had no idea that I liked it enough to remember it in my dream. I mean the actual music could’ve been way off but it definitely evoked the same feeling as the song does so that I could identify it as that. Funny how that works.

Then my husband and I were sitting on a ratty, greyish couch in an indistinct, nondescript place, watching an old antenna TV set. We were not really paying attention to TV. I think we were chatting. Again, we were discussing something about whether I wanted to stay or go. I don’t really know what happened after that.

Before I fell asleep last night, I attempted to incubate my thoughts so I would dream of meeting my unconscious to answer my questions. I would say that I wasn’t too successful at doing so because I made the attempt about 5 times: to visualize an image of myself as my subconscious, then to go through the questions I had for me, how much I needed to know the answer, etc. Each time I tried this, I only got through the first question and was distracted because my husband was trying to cuddle with me.

This makes me sound mean. I honestly am trying to be more open to him but he asked if it was okay to cuddle for 5 minutes before we tried to sleep. This was after we finished an episode of Spartacus. It’s preposterous that he needs to ask and although I wasn’t feeling the desire to cuddle, I do want to “try” so I said ok.

Except he just wouldn’t stop! He starts off just hugging me but would try to feel me, not in an overt and aggressively sexual way but in what he perceives to be gentle caresses. I suppose that’s what they are, except I wasn’t feeling it much. What’s more annoying is that he kept on saying, just a few minutes of cuddling and then I’ll let you sleep but then he doesn’t stop talking, “caressing”, breathing in my ear, tickling me when he brushes past my legs “accidentally” or grabbing my arm or elbow. He even said sorry in advance because he had too many coffees and cannot sleep so he knew he would be bothering me. Really? You have so little self control or concern for my sleep that you can’t keep your mouth shut when you are “trying to let me sleep”?

Maybe I am just being bitchy. Anyway, I tried many times to incubate the thoughts, only got through the first question multiple times. Maybe that’s why only that question appeared in my dream a few times. I don’t think it was answered in a straight forward way in the way I wanted but more practice should do.

What’s really stupid is that finally when he got the hint that I was annoyed with him and made himself shut up, he fell asleep almost instantly. Meanwhile I had a goal in my dreams and was trying so hard to incubate thoughts while he was distracting me that I suddenly realized a whole hour had gone by and I still wasn’t asleep. It was 1:30am by this point! Then I heard the dog whining to be let outside. After I did that, settled down, I probably didn’t really sleep until 2am.