Still fuzzy…

Recall is definitely still fuzzy but I am remembering more feelings and shapes without specific effort. Maybe the trick is not to force the memories and they will come on their own.

Dreams 04.21.17
There was something that I did, something that felt like some kind of ritual, which I didn’t think worked in the dream at first. I remember rushing into a little sunken corner used bookstore of some sort. Maybe I was running away from something or just dodging. It didn’t feel like there was imminent danger.

The bookstore itself was extremely messy. There were a few bookshelves against the walls full of books but they were inaccessible because there were stacks and stacks of books just pulled up at different heights, not neatly, just all at different angles on the floor. I think the carpet was a gross dingy dark red, ripped at places, just really worn like it hasn’t been cleaned in thirty years. I can’t remember if there was someone in the store or not. I don’t think I was looking in particular but I expected a shop keeper I suppose. There might’ve been a backroom that I discovered which I may or may not have gone through. It was also around this backroom door that I got the feeling that whatever ritual I had performed earlier on the dream may actually have worked. Something, a being or an energy, maybe just a feeling, had been summoned and it was “coming for me”.

Then I remember walking with a couple friends (no faces that I can recall, just people in my dream that I was hanging with) through this underground area. It reminded me of the large, Bauhaus styled, monstrous grey structures in the beginning of the old Total Recall movie. We were headed down, further underground, rushed as of we were attempting to catch a train. We were just having fun running around this big building though. I got a sense that if we missed whatever we were supposed to catch, it did not really matter. Everywhere we went there were no other people, just empty grey walls and floors, a gloomy playground of dead concrete. While running down a flight of stairs, we encountered 2 other people running the opposite way. When they rounded the corner of the stairs and saw us, they split and went around us on opposite sides of the stairs. As they passed I felt that feeling again like the thing I may have summoned by ritual was there, following me but not quite with me.

I had a mild fear of this thing that I did not know but at the same time I wanted to meet it, reluctantly.


Ice Cream Bars and Cougaring

Caught up on sleep on the night before but also going into the forgetful parts of the month now. I distinctly and intently told myself “I will be lucid tonight.” If it happened I do not remember. The night before I kind of said the same suggestion to myself too but was distracted. Maybe the suggestion only works if it’s a semi subconscious.

Dreams 08.29.12
I was sitting on the floor with another guy. To one side of the large classroom were 4 to 5 school desks. Some people sat in them. They were adults and so was I. A lady (the teacher) walked by and gave the guy beside me a chocolate dipped ice cream bar. I reached out for one too but she kept walking away.

I leaned back to prop myself up with my elbows and watched this guy crunching and licking away at his treat, wishing I had one too. He is not really a slob but when he takes a bite out of one side and a drop of cream falls on his shirt, I think to myself, that’s not how you eat an ice cream bar you slob. Then he looks at me, his bar only half eaten and offers to give me the rest of the bar. I am only reluctant in my mind. Outwardly I am happy and pretty much snatch the rest of the bar out of his hand.

I licked away at the now sloppy, drippy ice cream which was getting all over my hand. The guy just watched me. When the ice cream bar was done, I started licking the cream off my fingers. Aware that the guy next to me and some of the males sitting at the desk were ogling my semi-sexual hand licking, I leaned back to lie flat on the floor to avoid theit gaze, still licking slowly at the cream and chocolate on my fingers, savouring the taste.

Then I was doing a walk and talk with my bff through a highschool hallway. It was busy and the hallways were pretty full, the classes must be switching. I see a young guy who looked exactly like Heather Graham come down a set of stairs and merge into our pathway. I stop him and started talking to him, asking if his sister was Heather Graham. He was startled at first but he must’ve thought I was only a year older than him. He was two heads taller than me, adorable with beautiful blond hair and bright blue eyes. From his height, looking down at me, his instinct kicked in and he kind of started to flirt with me as we talked about his much older sister. Then he walked away to another set of stairs that led up.

I yelled out to the kid, “I’m two times older than you by the way!” But he did not hear, neither did anyone else but bff. Under my breath I said to myself, “But if I was younger, I’d go for it.” Bff laughed.

A Goopy Bloody Mess

Today’s dream recall is not recommended for male readers. It is sort of graphic in nature, in the lady cycles kind of way. Please be advised.

I tried to dream good memories with husband again, hoping it would be a more mutually connected type of memory. I was pretty tired though, actually slept a lot earlier than usual and maybe my auto-suggestion wasn’t quite so successful.

Dreams 08.03.12
I was at a black tie event with my husband. It was very glamourous, held in a building that looked part museum, part courthouse. It had very high ceilings, marble columns, square staircases, etc. I was wearing a black, floor length, deep-v, super slinky dress with a fine gold dangly chain sew just under the boobs. It was cut so there was a high middle slit at the front that came just shy of crotch. If an evil goddess took a bath and stepped out of the water, that’s the kind of dress she would step out in. She would slowly surface and with each step, it would appear that the surface of the water was wrapping around her head, then her body, to form this dress until she stepped all the way out fully clothed. I digress.

It was beautiful and elegant but very daring, much more so than anything I’d wear in real life. I felt taller in it. But I suppose even the dream-me had a bit of modesty. Draped around my neck was some kind of fur robe or stole that went all the way to my calves . I don’t even know what animal it was, just that it was the softest thing in the world against my arms. It also helped to hide the extra skin flashing from the dress’ frontal design.

I don’t remember much of the interaction with husband at this event. Honestly I don’t think there was much of it at all. I know I told him I had to go to the washroom but I didn’t at that point. I just wanted to leave his side and go explore the building.

His buddy from work who I also know, I’ve gone on many fishing trips with the two of them, saw me walking with purpose and he joined me in my stride. I must’ve looked upset because he asked me how are things and what’s wrong. From that I took it that he had some knowledge of husband and my current situation and I let my tongue loose just a little.

I said things are not great and I feel guilty, trapped and that I don’t want to be here. To my surprise he said to me, then just split your money and go. I don’t think I really responded to that. I was shocked to hear him say it. Then I suddenly had a terrible cramp, a shooting pain in my abdomen. Then I felt as if something were going to trickle down my legs like during my period. I needed to get to a bathroom right away.

While we were talking, we had walked upstairs and pretty far from the main party. I saw a women’s restroom door down the hall, on the side of the building that was dimly lit, probably closed off. I said excuse me to his work buddy and ran off towards to the restroom in a panic.

When I opened the door, it was a very small washroom. With only 2 stalls and one sink. The first stall was immediately to the left of the entrance door. To explain this better, imagine 4 units of space arranged in a square. The entrance door took up the bottom right. The sink & trash can took up the top right and the 2 stalls were on the left. That was it! There was even a restroom attendant jammed into the corner where the sink was. It was super cramped. I could tell that the stall further in was occupied so I quickly twirled myself into the first stall. Why twirl? Because I needed to in order to maneuver around the tight space.

Then I finally took a look at the surroundings. The fluorescent light flickered annoyingly, the floor was wet and filthy with tiny chunks of wet toilet paper, streaks of something and oh it’s gross just to think about it. I immediately picked up my skirts a little to keep it off the floor. Then I had to use the other hand to try and reach into my dress through the middle slit to maneuver my underwear, without dropping the fur stole or touching the walls too much, not touching whatever was leaking out of me, AND keep balance. It was difficult to say the least. The only thing I could think of was, what is that attendant doing here? Why is she not doing her job and what is the other person in the other stall doing?

When I reached between my legs, I found that I wasn’t actually wearing any underwear and I felt whatever was leaking out of me. I took my hand out to look and it was blood…but it wasn’t blood. It was supposed to be blood in the dream but the coloring was honestly more like goopy buffalo wing sauce. I looked from my hand to the floor and apparently I had leaked all over the place. I was disgusted with myself and panicking. Then I thought I was accidentally wiping what I had on my hands onto the fur stole, the dress. I was freaking out!

Then there was a knock on the restroom door and my husband’s work buddy asked if I was okay. He tried to open the door just a gap. The attendant dashed to the door and tried to block him out and I just didn’t know what to say. I was horrified by the mess I had made, embarrassed and felt disgusted with myself. I was basically covered in my mess and there was no way to clean it up. How could I walk out that door? How could I face my husband’s friend or ANYONE out there. How can I make my escape and still save my face?

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