Breathing in New Old Memories

Dreams 05.05.17
I walked up the stairs at our first house in Canada. My sister lives there now in my dream and I was there for a visit. I went upstairs just to take a trip down memory lane but was surprised to find my step dad’s son living in my sister’s old room. He seemed surprised to see me too and he seemed hesitant to say hello. There’s a history of drama with this guy and he’s always blamed my mother for splitting up his family but while we’ve always been sorta cool, he’s just a little “troubled” in his handling of that whole situation, which I suppose includes me.

I walked into his room and tried to make nice. I can’t remember what I said exactly. Recalling now, I feel like there were some general apologies and me being sympathetic at how he felt about everything, that things happen sometimes in ways we don’t want or expect but we are adults now and we should try to take it in stride and stay positive. I think it was real what I said but more for his benefit. I wasn’t sure if it affected him but he was at least warmer to me afterwards. He joined me in going back downstairs.

Downstairs I went to the kitchen, whoch no longer looked like my old house. There were people waiting for something. I thought I was going to see my old roommate for some reason and I might’ve seen him or something occurred in the dream that involved him but I cannot recall.

Anyways the group I. The kitchen we’re waiting for my mother, who came out from a closed door and herded us to another part of the house where there was an really with metal hand rails like the line up for rides at an amusement park. About 10 of us arranged ourselves the line-up. We took my mother’s cue and began to do some type of breathing exercises. I remember closing my eyes, really trying to breathe in the calm and listening intently, trying to “feel” around me as if the breathe empowered me and heightened my senses. I wasn’t sure if it did but I did it anyway. I could feel the collective breath around me. Inhale. Exhale.


Late for a Farm-dez-Vous

Dreams 11.15.12
I had an appointment at 7pm with a guy who owns a farm in the middle of nowhere. I think the official purpose of the appointment was for me to interview him but the secret purpose was really that I would seduce him and he would fuck me all over his dirty farm. I was very excited about the idea.

However, I had also made plans before the appointment to go shopping at an ikea type store, just browsing furniture. At the store, a few of us walked into an area where the demo space was setup like a big, maybe 15×15 one room apartment. There were wooden shelves and wardrobe built right into the walls. It was a darker wood with an obvious grain pattern. On the “cubby” shelves near the bed there were white plastic containers that were divided into 3 compartments places for books. When I saw them, I pointed them out to my friend, who is moving into the city soon irl. He looked at them and started to imagine his new place out loud. He took a couple of steps back as he did this and being a tall guy, he had basically put his ass into another female coworker’s face. She was sitting on the bed talking on the phone.

I started to laugh out loud, cackling. My boss who was on a ladder, checking out the higher shelves, asked what I was laughing at. I told him but he looked like he didn’t really understand why I found it so funny. The friend who was moving soon said to him, she just enjoys humorous situations fully and freely. That wasn’t exactly what he said but it was something to that effect.

Then I was in a clothing store with my mother, browsing but I wasn’t directly beside her. I was flipping through the hangers of clothes, checking out all the stuff on sale. A lot of the clothes had a retro feel feel to it with color blocked designs or geographic patterns.

Then I realized the time was getting close to my appointment with the farmer. I began to get anxious. I knew there was a group of school kids visiting the farm on a field trip that would be leaving soon. In my head I was making up stories and reasons why I shouldn’t go there on time. For example, the field trip is running late, if I showed up early it would be disruptive. Or, if I left now my mother would be all alone, let’s just wait until she is done with this store.

Eventually 8pm came around and I was just making my way to the farm then. I remember walking up towards the barn at dusk, up the dirt path from the main road, just nervous and anxious as hell because I was so late. I wondered if the farmer has lost all interest in me.

Game Convention and A Model Suite

Dreams 11.04.12
I was travellig with my mother, tagging along on her business travels. We stayed at the same hotel, same room. There wasn’t much happening in town during the day so I just slept a lot and surfed the net.

Then I found out there was a gaming convention happening not too far from the hotel. Just then, she returned to our hotel room from work. She saw me all excited, getting ready to go out so she asked where I was going. When I told her, she invited herself along as well. I felt annoyed but no way to say no so I thought to myself that there would be cutesy character stuff that would really interest her. If anything she could buy little trinkets and keychains.

We arrived at the convention hall which was filled with moving throngs of people. It wasn’t a large convention and it wasn’t very “nice”. The displays and vendor booths had lots of good merchandise though so it all looked worthwhile. We went into a large booth selling anime and character plushies and stickers and spent a good bit of time there. My eyes were drawn to many of the video game displays and longed to run off to play all the demos. I didn’t get a chance to though. My mother kept talking to vendors about stuff as if she wanted to purchase but ended up moving to the next booth.

Attached to the same convention hall was another exhibit, I wandered on my own into a condo showroom, which also had a model suite setup right on the convention hall. A bit of time had passed and I realized that I had purchased a condo they were selling and I was mock living at the model suite, making the bed, washing my hands, looking through the empty fridge.

I was biding my time, wishing I did not have to go back to the hotel room, waiting until the purchased condo was built, imagining life on my own.

Busy Station and a Pantsless Time

Dreams 11.03.12
I was inside a big mall or train station, could also be a mall connected to an airport. It was super crowded. I jumped onto a people mover, shuttle train thing. It started to move and I looked around and saw signs to the north west wing, knowing I need to go to the north east exit. The packed people mover was turning around.

With me was my midget jewish buddy (completely fictitious person from my dream) who is loudmouthed and abrasive. He was freaking out because he really wanted to get to the destination but also paranoid that there would be “racist fucks”, in his words, hidden amongst the other passengers. One big black guy sitting right in front of me started to get suspicious and turned in our direction. My little buddy snuck around to hide behind me and another passenger when he realized this.

The people mover went down one level, smoothly, as if we were going down an escalator then went up another track to the same level. That took us to the right wing. We arrived in a lounge area designed for gathering of passengers, a place to wait until the flight/train was ready for boarding. There was an elevator that would take us down to another shuttle which would drive us straight to the plane/train. I removed my one big suitcase from the people mover and dragged it across the lounge. I saw some familiar faces, one was df’s roommate. I mistakenly stepped into the elevator but knowing I’d come right back up, I didn’t try to rush out.

The elevator went down one floor and stopped. The stewardess/elevator operator said I had to put money in the coin slot or we wouldn’t be moving. What a scam, I thought. I fished out a handful of Thai coins and scrambled to find the right amount but all my coins were of a larger denomination than required. There was another person on the elevator, they pitched in and dropped in a coin and expected me to put in the rest. I had no choice but to put in a larger than needed amount. As soon as my coin dropped in, the elevator began to move up but the display on the panel showed that the excess amount had been transferred directory to the elevator company. Then the displayed went back to zero. Scam! But I just thought whatever and got out of the elevator back to the lounge.

Then I saw the arrival of all my mother’s luggage. There was a pile, a couple of suitcases, 3 multi-packs of paper towels, 2 big jugs of water and 4 6-packs of mustard. People started to gather round quietly commenting that it was too much luggage. I agreed with them and mentioned that I told her not to buy and bring all that.

Another dream
I just finished having sex with someone, not sure who, wasn’t even part of the dream. I went to my desk to sit down, with only underwear and a long button down shirt. I leaned back in the chair, a game controller in hand, legs up on the table and starred at the computer screen which was running what looked like Win95.

Then someone tapped my shoulder from behind. When I turned around to see that it was my cousin, the setting had changed into an office. I quickly sat up and rolled my chair close to the desk to hide my pantslessness.

My cousin said I know what happened with your parents, alluding to the fact that they had just gotten divorced. She walked back over to the opposite side of the bank of desks to sit down in her spot. She said we should get together and catch up. I agreed and suggested we invite more family friends so we could all chat.

Another Happy New Year’s Eve

Dreams 07.05.12

I just arrived at a house party with someone. I think it was my husband. It was New Year’s Eve and the house was a small mansion. Actually we were in a neighbourhood of small mansions and there were parties going on all down the street. We had just party hopped from a few houses before.

I didn’t NOT want to be at the NYE party but I wasn’t too happy because hopping from place to place meant not having the chance to really talk to people, not getting to “know” them. It was just a lot of woo-woo s and rah-rahs and while that is fun at times, I didn’t want to spend my whole night (wow I just wrote “life” instead of “night” there) doing that.

Also we had left my car with skis or some sport equipment cargo strapped on the roof haphazardly on some other mansion’s lot much further down the street. I was also worrying that maybe I didn’t lock the car. I mentioned to husband my worries, that I wanted to go check and come back, which meant walking a long way. He kept saying don’t worry about it, it’s fine. I probably mentioned I could just go on my own, at least I would in real life. And he would probably respond by saying stop worrying about it, we’ll check when we leave. Which…really isn’t checking because my car could be gone by then.

Anyway, I’m not entirely sure this last bit happened. I just know I spent the rest of the time at the party worrying about my car but also fearing that if I went to check on it, husband might be upset with me. I started to feel isolated despite being surrounded by all the party-goers and I definitely wasn’t enjoying the festivities. I didn’t want to be the lonely sad sap amidst the fun so I withdrew, not sure where husband disappeared to at this point. He was just not there anymore.

I was relieved when I ran into my friend AT. We chatted a bit, stayed topical in our subjects. He could tell something was bothering me but didn’t ask/push. He had a look of interest while we interacted but underneath there was a quiet concern.

Then I was talking to my mom on the phone for some reason, not sure who called who. I must’ve let her know that I was “stranded” at a party, even though I wasn’t. We were arguing because she was saying that she would come get me and I told her it’s fine she didn’t need to. All the while AT was hanging out beside me in the corner, not sure what to do with himself. I was embarrassed. I remember specifically yelling to my mom over the phone, “I am not asking for your help. Do NOT come! I cannot believe this! Mom, I am 30 years old, why am I even asking?!”

And then I looked up and she was standing there, at the house party. I was furious.

The Purse Quest

Dream 05.22.12

I am at a mall with my mother and maybe my sister. We enter a deparment store from the mall entrance and look to the left where there were racks and shelves of leather purses. My mom was looking for her orange purse inside the store. What doesn’t make sense is she wasn’t looking to buy a brand new purse. She was looking for HER purse, with her stuff in it. I think my sistser and I, including the store employees knew that sounded a bit crazy. The employees actually thought she was a little senile and when they saw us approach the purse section, turned off the lights there.

I just wanted to help my mom and was going to assist her search even though I knew it would be fruitless. So when I saw the lights go off, I got a little beligerent and started questioning the employees telling them we need to go look. They told me we are more than welcome to look at the shelves but there was nothing they could do about the lights. So we headed over to the section anyways.

Then I remember that a family friend, a big tall dude was supposed to get driven to the airport. He had been living in our front bedroom for a while and it was finally his time to go. I remember running up to him like a little girl and giving him a big bear hug. When I hugged him actually, it was Malcolm Ingram. I don’t know him at all IRL but when I hugged him, that’s who it was. I didn’t want Malcolm to leave. He has been such good company and comforting to have around, to have a friend. He was so much bigger than me that he was walking to the basement and I was still holding on to him. I remember seeing small toys sprawled out on the ground from the corner of my eyes and the basement had wood panelling. Someone else was in the basement, when they saw me holding Malcolm they just kind of laughed at me.

I also remember driving around in a parking garage from the basement level up to the ground level seeing sunlight coming through. The lanes were narrow and I was driving a wide car. A few times I had to make 2, sometimes 3 point turns but eventually I made it up and out of the garage.

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