Lesson learned: Save Drafts

I had 3 other days recall notes sitting in Drafts on my phone for my Hotmail account. I even thought last night just before be that I would finish all of them and post it with today’s as one post called Dreams Dump For The Week.

“Dump” is right – it is nowhere to be found. I keep thinking I can make out in my mind’s eye the keywords I had put in but all of it escapes me. The lesson: email drafts on my phone is like dream recall. If you don’t commit it to words and publish/save it, it’s like they never happened! From now on even my draft notes will be email-sent to WordPress draft status for later publishing.

Dreams 05.03.17
There was a gathering of people at the office, though it didn’t look like my actual office. I had a desk which was right at the corner and all the office party goes had to get past it to get to another party area. People were rubbing against my cubicle wall, knocking shit down. I was mildly annoyed but just moved stuff out of the way and joined the party.

I overheard the ops manager say something about a colleague in Montreal still sticking around the office, not wanting to leave. I asked her if the office was getting shut down over there and she said no. That made me confused. Then I saw a person, who wasn’t the colleague from Montreal but in my dream he had become the person I was thinking is the Montreal colleague (even though he is an adult version of a childhood school mate and the Montreal colleague is a grown woman I’ve only met through video conferencing).

He was leaning over my cubicle wall listening to me talk to the ops manager as she walked away. I thought to myself, I wonder if I need to lift the one binding spell I cast on him years ago because he used to bully me. In hindsight as an adult it was probably more extreme annoyance type of bullying, nothing physical but I had always believed deep down that magic rituals could be real and that the binding spell worked because the day after he stopped doing it completely.

I was lying on a desk for some reason. I looked to my left and amongst legs of huddled party goers I saw three dogs, one of them was black, shaggy curly furred. When it saw me it came over and attacked me with kisses which made me giggle and laugh uncontrollably. Then I walked around the corner to the other party area where there were people hanging out on and around couches. Now it was no longer an office party but a college student party that I had infiltrated as an adult.

I sat down on the couch between two “friends”. The one to my left was crying into the couch back, just bawling. My instinct was to hold him and let him cry, which I did. Then I asked what was wrong. He looked up at me and said, “I don’t know how you could…We’re over here…” Then he said something I forget right now but it implied that something horrible had happened to one of the friends over here that is hanging on the couch. “But you’re over there…” Then he went back to bawling into the couch, he meant that I was getting kissed by dogs having the time of my life.

I was taken a back and calmly, hoping not to offend, “I am sorry for what happened but I don’t really know any of you, well.” He just ignored me and I could feel the eyes of other nearby watching me with disapproval. I got up and went to the shelf where drinks were placed. Before I grabbed one, some bubbly girl walked by and announced, “Let’s to!” Everyone seemed to understand where and followed her lead, so did I.

We walked through what looked like parts of old school/university hallways until we finally reached an area that seemed like a balcony. It was night time, there were neon lights, noises from a bar close by. I looked over the balcony and it wasn’t that high but it overlooked other parts of the university grounds. There were lights of other gatherings further on campus.

I turned around and followed my group through gates which were supposed to lead to a destination. I remember catching a glimpse of a dark ski slope, snow covered, non-operating ski lifts and all. I wondered where we were but knowing that I will be at a new location, with new people to meet, other sights to see.

Vandals

Dreams 04.28.17 I don’t really remember the part before this but what preceded led me down a wide resdential street at night, bathed in orange street lamp light. I believe I was walking with a couple other people, more faceless "friends". We had just come out from under a bridge or concrete tunnel to arrive in this neighborhood. I heard some banging noises and looked back, that’s how I saw that we walked out the bridge/tunnel arch.

Near the exit arch was an old run-down looking house, where the noises were coming from. I looked at my friends and without speaking we all concluded that there was a break-in in progress. Yet, somehow we had concluded it was not dangerous to is, that it was not for the purpose of stealing but rather an act of vandalism. That was also when I noticed that further down the street we’re other people just hanging out in the night on the street, loitering around a few flares which had been dropped on the ground, it’s light flickering with small green flames.

Later, maybe with more dream action missing, I found that I had broken​ into someone’s house or lab. I had gone upstairs and found a storage room. I knocked over little things like papers, small gidgets, pens, etc. – nothing too damaging or messy. I climbed up on boxes to look above shelves, as if I was looking for something specific to vandalize but in the dream I did not know that I was looking for something. I had bumped into what looked like a white radio or phone on a tall shelf. When I got down something up there started to make sounds which sounded like static and music.

I climbed back up multiple times to figure out the exact source but it wasn’t the radio, yet I knew it must be connected, maybe an alternate handset or speaker could be located. Whatever I kept climbing up onto to check the shelf again got more ticket with each try. Finally I overturned some papers next to the radio and found a phone handset which was making the noise. I clicked a button on it and the radio/phone. Then the noise stopped.

After getting my feet back on solid ground I looked around. The place was messy enough but I didn’t have what I came for. Then I heard he noise of someone entering the front door from downstairs. I panicked. I had 3 options: hide, escape or face the music. I frantically searched for a light switch and around the room for something to duck behind. I found a light switch but there was absolutely no way to hide here. Then I quickly tried to figure out my escape route if I left this room. The only way out that I knew of was to the right and down the stairs which would force me to come face to face with whoever entered, assuming it was the owner of the property.

I realized there was nothing left to do than to face the owner and confess. I had not done anything too damaging. I could come back from this if I got caught. Next, the door to the room I was in opened. I lowered my head and began to confess and apologize to the owner.

That’s all I remember…

Lighting Display and Sweet Flute Music

Dreams 10.28.12
It was the middle of the night. I was walking outside in a big field away from a mansion towards a fountain / halloween / christmas display. The fountain was a semi circle, with a back wall. The wrong edge of the circle had posts with lights wrapped around it, trees and bushes and other decorations. The lights were on, a dim white color at the moment. I jumped into the into the pit of a fountain and started fiddling with some controls that were in one corner, hidden from plain view. I looked up out of the pit and there was someone up there helping me as I adjusted lighted decorations, cycling through different colors. I asked the person if it looked alright each time I changed it to a different color scheme and he/she gave me feedback. Finally I settled on a configuration and I think I climbed back out.

Later in the dream, I made an order to buy steel flute over the phone. Then I am walking down a street that went pretty steeply downhill. I was pulling a TV on a trolley, the kind they used to roll out in school to show an educational video in class. I see a shop up ahead and pulled over quickly to park the tv cart. I did a bad job because as I was going downhill, it gained momentum behind me and I had to turn it abruptly, then stop it, without having the tv flop over on the pavement.

I go inside the store to find the guy who I ordered the steel flute from. There were lots of people bargaining for small items. It was pretty hectic. I see a friend/cousin/sister also trying to bargain for something. The guy behind the counter was walking around with a furrow in his brow, annoyed and generally pretty inattentive to the customers trying to get his attention, haggling with him even whilst he did not respond. He walked over to my friend and ended up giving her a plastic flute. My friend opened it as I watched and it looked to have a pretty bad build quality. The guy was already slowly walking away. I was upset for my friend and upset for myself, knowing that I’d probably get a bum deal as well.

I hesitated for a moment then I dove across the counter and grabbed him by the collar to get his attention. I asked him where my steel flute was. Was it gonna be a piece of shit like the plastic one he just gave my friend? Then my friend/cousin plays the plastic flute and the music that came out of it was the sweetest sound I’ve heard. I let go of the guy embarrassed by my actions. He reaches to a shelf behind him and shoves a box with the steel flute in it into my hands. I reflexively palmed him the money that was promised over the phone – a small amount, like $10. I opened the box to see two halves of a flute packed in styrofoam that needed to be put together. Although it was packed in such a cheap way, I could somehow tell that the flute would still play wonderful music. The guy told me to leave right away, wthout giving me the “bundle” of extras we had agreed to on the phone. I felt it somewhat unfair but considering my horribly rude manner toward him, I conceded and left the store.

Boardwalks and Simulated Driving

Dreams 08.26.12
It was night time a and I was walking along a boardwalk/piers/docks (when is it which? I’m talking about a pedestrian area by water but right in the middle of boats and docks). It was a beautiful night. It seemed clear though I didn’t really look at the sky. Maybe it was just clear with purpose. The torches and lights were reflected in the dark water. As I walked briskly following the sound of jazzy rocky piano music, all I heard was the slight breeze and the waves gently rolling over each other beneath the boardwalk. I was heading to a restaurant pub to meet husband and friends (our best man and his gf). The restaurant was built right on the boardwalk, just extending out from one side. Before the entrance was a patio area with tables and dark blue umbrellas. The patio and first floor were for coffees and drinks. The upper level and the stairs leading up had a dark blue painted facade.

I kept following the music upstairs to the restaurant and waited for my eyes to adjust to the darker lights inside. A couple of musicians were playing on the mini stage while some patrons had gathered. Beside them the dining tables were full of people. I saw our friends and husband and approached the table. Just as I got there I realized that I forgot something in the car. I told them I had to go back.

When I got back to the car I noticed that it was not parked properly. I decided to move it. After reparking it, I did something with the middle pedal (why was there a middle pedal!?). I actually unhinged it somehow. The car suddenly locked up, the windows became black, the dashboard and all other indicator lights started to glow more intensely with a neon brightness. Then the front windshield which was now black started to have 2 sets of glowing blurry lines that looked like it was a road stretching into the horizon. The engine came on, much more powerful then I’ve ever felt it to be. It growled and shuddered, waiting for me. I didn’t know what was going on but I didn’t know how I could reverse out of this situation and unlock myself out of this crazy car. So I did the only logical thing and stepped on the gas pedal.

The neon green lines moving, vibrating. Curves appeared and it actually felt like the car was moving, driving along an invisible landscape somehow intertwined with the real world. The car shook violently because I think in the real world I was crashing it into parked cars nearby. I continued driving along the ghostly neon highway at incredible speeds until somehow, it slowed to a stop on its own and the doors unlocked. When I got out, I saw no damage to the cars around me but many hours had passed.
I went home, back to the hotel/place we were staying to find my friends and husband. When I got there, our friends came up to me asking what had happened. I tried to recount the story to them. Past them, I could see husband eavesdropping but refusing to come into the same room. He wasn’t buying my story. Funnily, when I was telling my friends the tale, I had a distinct feeling as if I was recalling a dream like I do every morning, and bits and pieces of memory were threatening to slip away.

Refuge from Battle and Disaster

Dreams 07.02.12

I had a tiny nug of Mj before going to bed last night. I was fantasizing and my mind was all over. I told myself to remember my dreams or try to be lucid anyways knowing pretty much it wouldn’t work. Whatever it was fun. As I lay there trying to sleep with body relaxed, eyes closed I started to see swirling images behind my eyelids like during a WILD attempt. I was too excited and loose though, kept trying to wrestle with the images. I tried to conjure a face except it kept turning into a giant wrinkly eye.

Anyway I woke up a couple times during the long sleep. Here’s the last one, not too sure what happened in the first part of the dream though.

It was night. I was staying in a large cabin with about 15 other people and a girl who was either my sister in the dream or friend. Either way, she was someone I needed to protect. Everyone in the cabin had gone outside, we were watching a few men have an argument. it looked like the start of a fight. There was a thin layer of snow on the ground. The area was lit by bright stadium type lights in the distance, so bright that the sky only appeared black. It didn’t feel that cold but you could see everyone’s breath in the air.

The fight was starting to escalate and become more physical. The group around the fight kept shuffling around to get a better view. I turned to my protectee and said we should go inside.

Inside, I proceeded to walk back and forth throughout the wooden log cabin, packing thugs into a duffle bag. There were times when I could “see” myself pace back and forth as if from a camera and it’s like the cabin was the cabin on ship at sea. The camera angle seemed to be tilting back and forth. As I packed I kept shouting out to the protectee to see if he/she was packing. I never got a response but I kept yelling anyway. It felt like we were packing to leave this place forever.

As my camera pov tracked with me along the cabin, I could see outside, it had become day time. I saw glimpses of 4 burly armored men locked in a battle to the death with swords. In another “track” the window outside looked like fat moving blue water going over a waterfall, as if the cabin was a boat going over with the water. The final time I saw out the window, the water was calm and shimmering from a low hanging sun in the horizon. It was as if the cabin was floating on a freshly made lake. I saw barren trees with some new growth in the distance along the water’s edge and I had the distinct feeling that this area had just been flooded and wiped clean. Briefly I wondered if the remaining fighters who had bee outside were drowned.

Fireworks with Ramen

Dream 05.14.12

It is nighttime in winter and I am walking down a street with a group of people. I think they are coworkers. There are 2 guys, a very young girl and another old girl who was still younger than me. There were people behind us throwing single shots of fireworks in air. They were kind of taunting us in a way, not directly but still. We turned around, moved forward faster, but ultimately we threw snowballs back at them. It wasn’t a vicious thing, just a spur of the moment snowball / fireworks fight. It really makes no sense in real life. At the end when our rivals ran away. I turn to see my friends and the young girl was on one of the guy’s backs. We had a conversation, something about, “Sisters ruin everything!” To which the other guy agreed by nodding. I chimed in as if explaining to the other girl, “I’m a younger sister too.”

Then we went back to where we came from originally, which was at the back of a loading dock. We were apparently on break during a film gig and we were waiting for a big setup to be done. When we got back, setup was almost done but a lot of people were still hanging about outside.

Then I was in a loungey japanese restaurant. The seats were one long wooden seat that stretched right across the wall and wrapped around the corner. I was sitting in the L-shaped corner between my mom on the right and auntie B on my left. My friend VnH showed up too and they squeezed in between auntie B and me. We ate beef noodles in soup. I was pleasantly surprised to find 2 kinds of noodles in the brother: a thick yellow ramen nooden with a thin, transparent vermicelli. It looked so perfect, the combination of the sturdy noodle with the delicate. Auntie B tells us her old job tried to get her back after firing her a month ago. My mom was listening but her right hand was reaching behind the of the person to her right, she was pawing at my sister’s blue-green cable knit sweater. I swat her hand and she pays attention fully yo auntie B again. I ask auntie B, “What did you tell them?” And she said “Not unless you’ll hire me back with a big raise.”

Dream or Revelations?

Over the past couple weeks I have been making progress in my daily dream recall with the ultimate goal to become lucid. Apart from wanting to try certain activities while lucid, I was also hoping this journey into the dream world would allow me some much needed conversation with my subconscious.

I’ve been struggling with certain conflicts between my heart, body and mind for quite a long time now. It seems to have been a never ending struggle in the past 8 years where I often doubted if the final outcome was what I actually chose. Or perhaps my mind told me the logical steps to take even though my heart and body told me otherwise. Usually my heart has been caught somewhere in the middle and ultimately the mind won the battle.

Now, I am at a point where it seems the heart and body are mostly on one side but my mind is standing strong, trying to tug my heart to its side. Now more than ever, I feel the need to listen to my subconscious, who has perhaps known the truth all along but my mind just shielded me from it. Perhaps because the real truth would hurt, a lot.

Anyways, I will start logging what I recall from my dreams here. Here is a first entry for last night’s 2 dreams.

Dream 1:
My dear friend drives me to a bus stop located on the side of a deserted parking lot. It is late at night, only a few street lamps are on. It is windy, cold and snowy.

My husband appears at the bus stop. My friend sees that I am “safe” and drives off into the night. My husband asks me when the bus is arriving. I check the schedule and it says 11:20pm but I knew it was never going to come. He asks me a few more times and I repeat the time the bus should arrive. We just wait in the cold, standing a couple feet apart from each other.

Dream 2:
I am on a brand new luxury coach bus. My dear friend, roommate and Ginger are all on the bus but sitting separately. The bus is full of people. Everyone on the bus is going to Ginger’s house. Apparently his family is hosting some gathering.

We arrive outside the destination and Ginger tries to get off the bus first to lead the way. He is pissed drunk, slurring and stumbling his way out of the bus, tripping at times as he passes the seats.

When we are off the bus, we are somehow immediately inside. It’s supposed to be his family’s house (but not like the one irl), this one is huge. There are a lot of people here, much more than I had expected. I knew no one besides my dear friend and roommate.

We make our way to where food was supposed being served and encounter a super long line up into the basement where a huge buffet of sorts was setup. But there were so many people, the line moved slowly. We waited in line anyway just hanging out.

That’s all I remember from this dream.