Dreams 03.31.12 (Night)

Before I fell asleep, husband was talking about zombies so much. So guess what I dreamt about?

Again I don’t have much detail from the first half of dream but I will recount as much as possible.

I was visiting a friend’s house with another friend (a guy – who I cannot remember). It was a gathering of about 10-12 people for a casual dinner party. Sometime during the walk-about dinner one of the guests turned into a zombie and had bit and infected several other guests. Thus the running for our lives portion begins.

Me and the guest I arrived with ended up hiding in the upstairs washroom. Through the door we could hear the zombies attack and infect the remaining guests. There were sounds of screaming, fighting and gurgling bloody flesh. We could hear the house become quiet and through the window, we heard the group zombies go outside in search of more human flesh.

We slowly emerged from the bathroom peering around each corner cautiously. Then one stray zombie came out of nowhere and attacked us both. I picked up a random bloody axe on the floor and hacked away at its torso. I remember my chops except the first were all clean and I had almost completely chopped it in half as it stood.

I felt a hand grab me to tell me to run and so I did. When I looked back to acknowledge my companion, I saw that he was being eaten alive and I would not be able to save him. I turned in shame and terror and just kept on running.

Then I was arriving late to the airport. It was 20 minutes before the scheduled flight time when I arrives at the gates. When I tried to pass, my passport, tickets and papers were presented from my hand to the flight attendant but they weren’t quite it order. This tal, snooty black bitch looked at them, scoffed at me and made me put them in order. Then when I handed them to her again, she let me pass but gave me two receipts then indicated with a simple turn of the head that I would need to use the info on the receipts on a machine over in the corner to properly finish the check-in process.

I kept looking at the time, I had 15 minutes left, and I didn’t even know exactly where the boarding gate was. I didn’t argue and tried to ninja it through the questions and responses on the machine. I don’t remember what kind of questions they were. Nothing made sense. Anyways, another 10 minutes had gone by before I realized that if I had looked at the back of the receipts, I would’ve been done in 2 minutes. Frustrated that I only have 5 minutes left, I sped through and finished.

Then it turns out I had to drive an electric car-pod thing (think Minority Report) between terminals to get to my actual departure gate so I just kept thinking “delay delay delay!” Then I had to find parking. And as I ran up escalators and towards my gate, I seemed to always be against the current of people. There was nothing holding me back or slowing me, just an observation.

I remember the airport, like most in real life, had many large windows so everywhere you looked, the floor was touched with sunlight from a cloudy grey sky. As I ran, I had images of large icebergs and winter storms crashing against the coast (somehow I thought I was in Vancouver), causing a blinding storm with zero visibility, winds hurling the snow at horizontal angles, nothing but a misty wall of white approaching the tarmac and terminal building.

I don’t know if I ever caught my plane.

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Dreams 03.10.12 – W.I.L.D. part 2

I was so encouraged by the false awakening, the fact that the WILD technique actually worked, that I was determined to try again.  Forget leaving the house to go out and about!

I went back to try the WILD techniques again. It was much harder this time because I was excited and overly eager (if that is possible than before).

I ended up “waking” up in a bedroom, obviously not like the one in the real world. It was a queen bed, lots of blankets, kind of reminded me of the old bed in the master bedroom in the house I grew up.  Except this house was bigger.  The dog was sleeping with me here too and she jumped off the bed.  I thought she was disturbing me from focusing on lucidity.  At this point, I’m not really sure if I am awake or asleep. I did the hands reality check and my hands looked funny like they were blending into each other but I still wasn’t sure so I opened the door to let the dog out so I could be in peace.  I went back into bed and she had come running back somehow.  Turns out the room had 2 doors to 2 separate hallways.  I let her out again and closed both doors.

I went back to the bed to try again in this part of the “dream” and woke up in a completely different bed.  This time it was a dirty looking room, dark paint on the walls, chipped, creaky bed, etc. I roll out of it and there is another empty bed in there.  I check my hands again and once more they were blendy and penguin like.  I was becoming sure now that this was a dream.  There were footsteps coming down the hallway.  Someone “kicks” open the doors and 3 unsavoury looking men come in.  I can’t really remember what happened but they didn’t seem to want to do harm to me.  Again, in my always sexually charged mind, I think they just wanted to do something with me.  I didn’t think I was in the mood.  I just know in the end I had tied one of them down, shirtless, by the wrists and ankles.  The one that had punky stylings, a tattoo of some words across his chest.  He was strapped down to the bed by some belts or something.  I went up to him before leaving the room and told him I think I met him before, either he went home with my bestie ages ago at a club or at least made out with her.  Well, I couldn’t really remember.  The tall, burly and big guy was just observing in the corner of the room.  I just left the room.

I looked at my hands again I think, because I knew I was losing control of the dream so I really tried.  I tried to visualize a place, mould my dreamscape.  Ended up on the side of a road, kind of barren hill on one side, which had an opening to a big park or yard.  Again I checked my hands and confirmed another time they were being weird.  I think this time I really got confirmation that I knew I was dream.  I recall actually jumping up and down in my dream.  I also think I felt my real body inside my bed at that point responding to me jumping.  Fearing that I would wakeup, I calmed down a bit and walked towards the park.  There I saw these dog-like creatures doing tricks, walking backwards balancing on balls.  Their owners were cheering them on.  When I got closer they didn’t really seem to be dogs at all but they looked like fat shih tzus with puggy noses.

After that I was losing focus again and almost waking up.  The images and sounds were fading in and out.  I really wanted to stay in a lucid state inside the dream world longer.

I tried desperately to think about something that would keep me in the dream so I thought about my dear friend, the good feelings I have with him, the warmth, the mutual respect, connection, etc.  Just wishing I could see his face, feel his arms around me and just be able to stare into his eyes but everything kept slipping away.  I think something else had happened in the dream too but again in a way that wasn’t as vivid as people say lucid dreams are.  Everything was really slippery, control or memory wise.

Anyways, I guess I am happy because of the progress.  Surprised that it is not as vivid as described.  Maybe I don’t know what’s real or never thought “realness” meant anything in the real world because sometimes it feels as fleeting and dreamlike.  I need to either retain more control or at least remember to meet myself, or a guide in the dream.

More practice should do.  I’m not discouraged.

Dream or Revelations?

Over the past couple weeks I have been making progress in my daily dream recall with the ultimate goal to become lucid. Apart from wanting to try certain activities while lucid, I was also hoping this journey into the dream world would allow me some much needed conversation with my subconscious.

I’ve been struggling with certain conflicts between my heart, body and mind for quite a long time now. It seems to have been a never ending struggle in the past 8 years where I often doubted if the final outcome was what I actually chose. Or perhaps my mind told me the logical steps to take even though my heart and body told me otherwise. Usually my heart has been caught somewhere in the middle and ultimately the mind won the battle.

Now, I am at a point where it seems the heart and body are mostly on one side but my mind is standing strong, trying to tug my heart to its side. Now more than ever, I feel the need to listen to my subconscious, who has perhaps known the truth all along but my mind just shielded me from it. Perhaps because the real truth would hurt, a lot.

Anyways, I will start logging what I recall from my dreams here. Here is a first entry for last night’s 2 dreams.

Dream 1:
My dear friend drives me to a bus stop located on the side of a deserted parking lot. It is late at night, only a few street lamps are on. It is windy, cold and snowy.

My husband appears at the bus stop. My friend sees that I am “safe” and drives off into the night. My husband asks me when the bus is arriving. I check the schedule and it says 11:20pm but I knew it was never going to come. He asks me a few more times and I repeat the time the bus should arrive. We just wait in the cold, standing a couple feet apart from each other.

Dream 2:
I am on a brand new luxury coach bus. My dear friend, roommate and Ginger are all on the bus but sitting separately. The bus is full of people. Everyone on the bus is going to Ginger’s house. Apparently his family is hosting some gathering.

We arrive outside the destination and Ginger tries to get off the bus first to lead the way. He is pissed drunk, slurring and stumbling his way out of the bus, tripping at times as he passes the seats.

When we are off the bus, we are somehow immediately inside. It’s supposed to be his family’s house (but not like the one irl), this one is huge. There are a lot of people here, much more than I had expected. I knew no one besides my dear friend and roommate.

We make our way to where food was supposed being served and encounter a super long line up into the basement where a huge buffet of sorts was setup. But there were so many people, the line moved slowly. We waited in line anyway just hanging out.

That’s all I remember from this dream.