Lawn Party and Overstaying My Welcome

Lot of bits and pieces again. I can’t remember if this one was the day before my flight or the first one of the flight. Nevertheless, here are the various scenes I can recall.

Dreams 08.31.12
I was sitting on an old couch in front of an open garage or storage unit’s sliding door, on the lawn. It was being thrown out. Around me a small hippy lawn party of about 10 to 12 people were happening. Everyone was giggling, laying, toppling covers the arms of the couch, just hanging out. I wasn’t really engaged in any one conversation. I was just enjoying the company taking it in.

Another scene: I sat in a white room, on a stool. Behind my head was a long rectangular opening in the wall, sunlight shone through brightly, casting a rectangle of light on the opposite wall. Underneath the light rectangle, sitting across from me in a lower stool was a man. We seemed to be locked up together in this room. I was upset with him, i felt betrayed and I questioned him, “Why did you do it?  Why did you rat them out?!”

He looked up at me, chin up, eyes narrowed, defiant and indignant all at once. Either he said it out loud or his expression said, “What would you have done?” I did not answer. In my head I just tried to puzzle out what went on in this man’s head.

Another scene: I was in an apartment with worn, hardwood floors, a long hallway that led to many rooms. I was visiting someone but also seemed to have spent a lot of time there as if I had lived there at one point. I was in a larger room which was mostly empty. There was a box and a few items on the table so I proceeded to pack the things away.

Some time may have passed and I was in this same space. It seemed to be a girl’s dormitory at a school. It was empty in the summer and school was almost starting again. I was squatting, staying without paying rent in secret. There was a knock on the door. I didn’t answer at first. Then whoever was outside yelled out, saying they knew someone was inside. I unlocked the door, opened it a crack and backed away a few steps.

A tall man entered the room. He had an air of authority about him but he was not menacing. He was just a man doing his job. When he saw me, he seemed to know what I had been up to, sympathetic but he waited without asking to hear my story.

I politely led him to the bigger room of the apartment. I do not remember the details now but I think I either spilled some ink or some water started to leak and pour from the ceiling. Basically something was spilled and made a wet mess.

That’s all I can remember now.

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Dreams 03.29.12

We were moving and I was packing. I’m not sure who “we” involved but we were moving out of what kind of looked like our old house.
The place was pretty much empty with a few boxes and old furniture scattered here and there. I know I had packed up all of my own shit. That was all sitting in the moving van outside but I couldn’t go for good yet.

The entire master bedroom ful of my mom’s stuff was still there. I kept wanting to go pack it up but someone (could have been my husband) kept saying don’t do it, just wait for her to come pack it all up. I recall feeling an urgency to leave the house. I wanted so much to go pack up all my mom’s stuff anyways because somebody was after us because I/we had done something bad. That was why we had to pack and move secretly.

Then there are chunks of the dream I cannot recall in detail. This part may still be in the old house. Husband and I were standing, waiting in an empty room and he asked me something. It could be related to whether I was staying or going, not sure. It might’ve been part of the whole context of moving, am I staying to wait for my mom’s stuff to be packed or going with moving truck?

Anyway, in response to his question, I just looked at him from across the empty room with a couple boxes between us, turned up my invisible headphones (I wasn’t carrying any music player) and started rocking out to Rockshow by Halestorm. It’s a great song but I had no idea that I liked it enough to remember it in my dream. I mean the actual music could’ve been way off but it definitely evoked the same feeling as the song does so that I could identify it as that. Funny how that works.

Then my husband and I were sitting on a ratty, greyish couch in an indistinct, nondescript place, watching an old antenna TV set. We were not really paying attention to TV. I think we were chatting. Again, we were discussing something about whether I wanted to stay or go. I don’t really know what happened after that.

Before I fell asleep last night, I attempted to incubate my thoughts so I would dream of meeting my unconscious to answer my questions. I would say that I wasn’t too successful at doing so because I made the attempt about 5 times: to visualize an image of myself as my subconscious, then to go through the questions I had for me, how much I needed to know the answer, etc. Each time I tried this, I only got through the first question and was distracted because my husband was trying to cuddle with me.

This makes me sound mean. I honestly am trying to be more open to him but he asked if it was okay to cuddle for 5 minutes before we tried to sleep. This was after we finished an episode of Spartacus. It’s preposterous that he needs to ask and although I wasn’t feeling the desire to cuddle, I do want to “try” so I said ok.

Except he just wouldn’t stop! He starts off just hugging me but would try to feel me, not in an overt and aggressively sexual way but in what he perceives to be gentle caresses. I suppose that’s what they are, except I wasn’t feeling it much. What’s more annoying is that he kept on saying, just a few minutes of cuddling and then I’ll let you sleep but then he doesn’t stop talking, “caressing”, breathing in my ear, tickling me when he brushes past my legs “accidentally” or grabbing my arm or elbow. He even said sorry in advance because he had too many coffees and cannot sleep so he knew he would be bothering me. Really? You have so little self control or concern for my sleep that you can’t keep your mouth shut when you are “trying to let me sleep”?

Maybe I am just being bitchy. Anyway, I tried many times to incubate the thoughts, only got through the first question multiple times. Maybe that’s why only that question appeared in my dream a few times. I don’t think it was answered in a straight forward way in the way I wanted but more practice should do.

What’s really stupid is that finally when he got the hint that I was annoyed with him and made himself shut up, he fell asleep almost instantly. Meanwhile I had a goal in my dreams and was trying so hard to incubate thoughts while he was distracting me that I suddenly realized a whole hour had gone by and I still wasn’t asleep. It was 1:30am by this point! Then I heard the dog whining to be let outside. After I did that, settled down, I probably didn’t really sleep until 2am.