Wild Imaginings

Dream 12.28.12
I get a little sexually graphic in my description today – be warned.

As I continue to refrain from sex in the real world, my dreams have definitely become more sexual in nature. Even though I don’t feel frustrated irl, in my dreams, it often becomes my goal: the search of someone, a place, an act, etc.

Last night’s dream, I was in a restaurant, with friends perhaps. I was sitting there darting my eyes around at everyone and everything in the room, imagining myself giving blowjobs to every man everywhere. I was specifically imagining in minute detail, the sensations of putting my lips around the head of a penis and feeling the smooth, spongy but stiff flesh inside the walls of my mouth. Yes I do enjoy that quite a bit irl but in the dream I was savouring the thought, reminiscing and obsessing over the memories of such sensations.

Then for whatever reason, we had to leave the restaurant through the “back” way. So we went behind this wooden slatted enclosure, which was the way downstairs to the washrooms. But behind the enclosure there were also a bunch more private tables. As we ran down the stairs towards the washrooms and backdoor, I wondered why anyone wanted to sit in more private tables that were situated right beside the washroom.

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Cruise Launch Under a Purple Sky

Dreams 09.21.12
Eating in a corner congee restaurant. It had dark tile walls and bottom halves of the walls, booth were lined with brushed chrome. The place was cramped and busy. I finished my bowl of congee quickly and got up out of my booth, out to the street. I saw that it was dusk at a busy port city. The sky was becoming a deep purple.

Then I was walking with a small group of people, carrying luggage (I was carrying a few duffle bags, arms extended out beside me), heading towards the dock, towards a cruise ship. Somewhere in the group was also my mother, I was carrying her luggage but I didn’t see her. I was talking to a person beside me who turned out to be JR. He wasn’t actually coming on the cruise ship but he was helping someone else carry luggage. As the group walked down the steep steps from the dock to the ship, he was basically inviting me to his private boat. I asked how big his boat was and he said he was like this small cruise ship, but without the second partitioned structure. In the dream I understood that to mean that the space was about the size of a detached home of 2500 square feet. Then I thought to myself that it would be nice and accepted the invitation for another time.

Down on the upper decks of the cruise ship, a lot of passengers were just standing around, the ocean wind just whipping around them. I approached 2 people who were supposed to be my brother in law and sister. They looked cold. My sister had her sleeves pulled down and hands retraced into her sweater. I took out 3 hand knit berets and gave one to each of them. Then I put the last one on my own head making sure to cover my ears. My brother in law took my example and pull the beret over his ears. My sister had it on her head but not quite covering the ears. I yelled out to her to pull it lower because it would keep her warmer. She still couldn’t hear or understand because of the wind. My brother is law yelled louder and adjusted her beret. Then she understood.

Then I was in the sub/lower deck of the ship which was very much like a basement. It had a lot of my old friends and it looked like my highschool ex’s parents’ house. People were in a game of blindfold tag. I was kind of playing too but was trying to hide in the dark stairs hallway to stay out of game. Everyone else was running around in circles and squealing in childlike joy.

The Never-Ending Mall Shuffle

First sleep back in home country, not quite my “home” bed but the sleep is definitely better here. Despite only sleeping from 1:30 to 6:30 and basically waking up every hour on the hour, I am still feeling fairly rested. And unless I dreamed those wake ups, I’m pretty sure each time I went back into the “same” dream.

Dreams 09.17.12
I was in a pedestrian mall. It had very high ceilings. All the walls were a glass tile that had a fake wood grain pattern beneath it. The floors were a beige marble tile. Shiny.
I was walking with my mother, sister and brother-in-law. Eventually we stopped and went into a restaurant.

We sat across from each other and ordered food. I cannot remember what we talked about in the dream. I just know that at one point I saw this man and woman sitting not far from us, looking in our direction. The man was the man that my mom had a brief emotional affair with years ago, when I was about 8. The woman was his wife. I really don’t know if that’s what they looked like but there they were, just a brief glimpse.

Then I think I was walking in the mall again trying to follow directions to the women’s washroom. I turned a few corners and still wasn’t able to find it.

Then I woke up. On a few of the subsequent wake ups, I can’t remember if I dreamed or not but each time that I did, I remembered the mall and walking, searching in it. On the last wake up, I considered if I should try to go lucid and do a WILD attempt since I was pretty certain I’d go back into this mall. Then I got lazy and decided I should probably just get some rest and sleep because that would come much quicker.

In the final mall walk and search, I came to the realization that I was just walking around in a loop. There were steps and corners occasionally in the path of the mall. No matter which way I turned it seemed to lead to the same place. Imagine those Escher never-ending stairs decked out with beige marble floor tile, put some walls up with glass tile, etc. For a brief moment, I actually saw outside of the stairs/mall perspective and had an isometric view from outside this structure.

Boardwalks and Simulated Driving

Dreams 08.26.12
It was night time a and I was walking along a boardwalk/piers/docks (when is it which? I’m talking about a pedestrian area by water but right in the middle of boats and docks). It was a beautiful night. It seemed clear though I didn’t really look at the sky. Maybe it was just clear with purpose. The torches and lights were reflected in the dark water. As I walked briskly following the sound of jazzy rocky piano music, all I heard was the slight breeze and the waves gently rolling over each other beneath the boardwalk. I was heading to a restaurant pub to meet husband and friends (our best man and his gf). The restaurant was built right on the boardwalk, just extending out from one side. Before the entrance was a patio area with tables and dark blue umbrellas. The patio and first floor were for coffees and drinks. The upper level and the stairs leading up had a dark blue painted facade.

I kept following the music upstairs to the restaurant and waited for my eyes to adjust to the darker lights inside. A couple of musicians were playing on the mini stage while some patrons had gathered. Beside them the dining tables were full of people. I saw our friends and husband and approached the table. Just as I got there I realized that I forgot something in the car. I told them I had to go back.

When I got back to the car I noticed that it was not parked properly. I decided to move it. After reparking it, I did something with the middle pedal (why was there a middle pedal!?). I actually unhinged it somehow. The car suddenly locked up, the windows became black, the dashboard and all other indicator lights started to glow more intensely with a neon brightness. Then the front windshield which was now black started to have 2 sets of glowing blurry lines that looked like it was a road stretching into the horizon. The engine came on, much more powerful then I’ve ever felt it to be. It growled and shuddered, waiting for me. I didn’t know what was going on but I didn’t know how I could reverse out of this situation and unlock myself out of this crazy car. So I did the only logical thing and stepped on the gas pedal.

The neon green lines moving, vibrating. Curves appeared and it actually felt like the car was moving, driving along an invisible landscape somehow intertwined with the real world. The car shook violently because I think in the real world I was crashing it into parked cars nearby. I continued driving along the ghostly neon highway at incredible speeds until somehow, it slowed to a stop on its own and the doors unlocked. When I got out, I saw no damage to the cars around me but many hours had passed.
I went home, back to the hotel/place we were staying to find my friends and husband. When I got there, our friends came up to me asking what had happened. I tried to recount the story to them. Past them, I could see husband eavesdropping but refusing to come into the same room. He wasn’t buying my story. Funnily, when I was telling my friends the tale, I had a distinct feeling as if I was recalling a dream like I do every morning, and bits and pieces of memory were threatening to slip away.

Fireworks with Ramen

Dream 05.14.12

It is nighttime in winter and I am walking down a street with a group of people. I think they are coworkers. There are 2 guys, a very young girl and another old girl who was still younger than me. There were people behind us throwing single shots of fireworks in air. They were kind of taunting us in a way, not directly but still. We turned around, moved forward faster, but ultimately we threw snowballs back at them. It wasn’t a vicious thing, just a spur of the moment snowball / fireworks fight. It really makes no sense in real life. At the end when our rivals ran away. I turn to see my friends and the young girl was on one of the guy’s backs. We had a conversation, something about, “Sisters ruin everything!” To which the other guy agreed by nodding. I chimed in as if explaining to the other girl, “I’m a younger sister too.”

Then we went back to where we came from originally, which was at the back of a loading dock. We were apparently on break during a film gig and we were waiting for a big setup to be done. When we got back, setup was almost done but a lot of people were still hanging about outside.

Then I was in a loungey japanese restaurant. The seats were one long wooden seat that stretched right across the wall and wrapped around the corner. I was sitting in the L-shaped corner between my mom on the right and auntie B on my left. My friend VnH showed up too and they squeezed in between auntie B and me. We ate beef noodles in soup. I was pleasantly surprised to find 2 kinds of noodles in the brother: a thick yellow ramen nooden with a thin, transparent vermicelli. It looked so perfect, the combination of the sturdy noodle with the delicate. Auntie B tells us her old job tried to get her back after firing her a month ago. My mom was listening but her right hand was reaching behind the of the person to her right, she was pawing at my sister’s blue-green cable knit sweater. I swat her hand and she pays attention fully yo auntie B again. I ask auntie B, “What did you tell them?” And she said “Not unless you’ll hire me back with a big raise.”