A Crowded Courtroom

When I woke I had 3 key details. Then I rolled out of bed and 2 of them fell out my broken brain and evaporated.

Dreams 04.03.13
I was waiting just outside a courtroom to go inside. Through the open door I could see the judge raised in her seat on the platform. To the left, sitting or leaning against a wall (hidden from my view) were the applicants of various cases waiting for her decisions. Since the door was open I could hear the muffled sounds of the proceedings inside.

I poked my head inside the door and looked left to see if there was room for our group in there. There wasn’t. The wall was fully lined up with people from many walks of life. When I turned back I caught a glimpse if the judge staring at me disapprovingly. I gave her a small bow in apology and exited the courtroom completely.

Back to my group, I just gestured without audible sound that it was full inside. We would have to continue waiting. With me, I think I saw my bff, my mom, my uncle and husband. I turned back around to stare through the courtroom door, eagerly waiting, assuming my group has formed a single file line behind me.

Then the sounds of the proceedings indicated that they were wrapping up one case. The gavel went down after the judge spoke then I heard louder murmurs in the room. After some shuffling of shoes, I walked into the room again gesturing to my group to follow. This time when I looked to the wall there was enough space for all if us. I also saw that another applicant had taken the seat at the desk directly before the judge. A new case was about to be heard.

I took a place by the wall, assuming my group was doing the same and pretended to listen to the next set of proceedings. However, in my mind I was actually kind of excited. I felt like after this was done, something new would happen to me. Whatever it was, I just couldn’t wait. I could feel a smile slowly creep up to the corners of my lips and I worried that someone would see me be "inappropriate" in this most serious of places.


I’m Only Happy When It Rains

Dreams 10.29.12
What I remember about last night’s dream is that there were variations of a theme where a storm is coming, I am in the midst of it to see it hit and something about the storm turns out to be surprising and wondrous and I have a moment where I get lost in the beauty of it. I only remember pieces of some parts of the dream though.

I am walking through an old city with a group of people like a walking tour group. To be honest, the city looked like how Israel looks in movies. Or the city where the Disney cartoon Aladdin took place. The point is that the houses were sandy colored buildings with squarish holes in the walls for windows. (Sorry if this is totally ignorant of me.) The streets were narrow, some places covered in stone and the whole city was built on various hills so there were inclines and downhill areas on the path we walked along. The leader of the group mentioned that we should head back to a safe place because the storm was on its way. I paused to look out a “window” punched out of a wall that overlooked the city. In the distance there was a mountain so the city was at the foot of these hills.

I could see the dark storm clouds moving really quickly, rolling into the mountain, casting a shadow over the city below, drenching it in rain. Big but sparse droplets had already started falling where I stood. It was almost where I was.

Just beyond the clouds on the left, the sun was setting. It gave the edges of the storm a deep reddish orange glow. It also made the edges of the wet city seem like they were overlaid in gold. I took this in and thought about how amazing it looked. Just then the storm poured buckets of rain on me but I had a smile on my face, one that no one else could see or understand as I alone peered out this window.

In another part of the dream, I sat in the rear passenger seat of an SUV. I was on a road trip with 4 other people. The landscape outside the car was like many scenes that I think come from the movie Twister – vast expansive, moving grey skies and flat green fields. We were driving along the empty highways, very aware that storm clouds hung over us, gathering momentum.

At one point, we stopped at a three-way intersection because we could see a wall of what looked like mist (we knew it was rain) moving from the left of where we were to the right, so coming directly our way. It looked dense. We decided to just stop driving and sit through until it passed so we waited for about 10 seconds and just braced ourselves. It came so fast, it looked like there was a lot of force in the wind. We didn’t expect any windows to break but certainly thought the rain hitting the car would sound like loud thuds in the metal.

As the wall approached the howling sounds of the wind became terrifying. Everyone including me had our heads down, looking at the floor. When the wall of rain did “hit” the car, it was like it just caressed the vehicle and brushed right by us. The wind and sound of rain was still sounded really loud. I looked up and saw dense white streaks (the rain) in front of us.

However, when I looked to the right, down the road, there was a glow of white sunlight behind all the storm clouds and the rain droplets were back lit. I suddenly had this slow motion perspective of the water droplets that had just blown past us. They were like little strings of round micro-pearls, snaked into random configurations. I saw another cluster pass by just at the front of the car and followed it with my eyes. The cluster wiggled around and seemed to be “talking” to me, waving hello and goodbye.

I looked around the car at my colleagues/friends, whoever they were, still hunched over trying to hide from the storm. I looked back out through the front window assessing just how bad the wind and rain was. Then I decided it was actually pretty bad so I wasn’t about to walk around outside, nor should we continue the drive. However, it was too interesting, amazing and beautiful to miss. So I kept looking to the right towards the sunlight and the back lit rain, happy that I had a chance to see it.

Also at one point my dad was in the dream, don’t remember which part, telling me to just take care and be careful.

Left Behind on a Bank of Muddy Waters

Dreams 10.20.12
I was about to go on work/personal trip to HK, planning it last minute because the deciding factors for the trip had only just stabilized. I knew that 6 other friends were going to the same destination but all in hotels in different parts of town. They all had arrangements of 2 and 2.

I knew one pair was jr and df. I mulled over which of the groups to call and ultimately knew it would be them because I’d feel most comfortable and less imposing. The others were a bunch of girls, who are nice but well, I have a hard time being comfortable around most women. When I called, I called jr’s number and hesitantly left a voicemail to ask if I could sleep on the floor or have a room in the apartment they were going to stay at.

Then I was at the destination which wasn’t like HK at all. It was very jungle-like and tropical. I was at the edge of a rushing river where the road just ended suddenly. I was stuck, unable to cross and I could see my friends floating off in their car/hover boat. I was left behind and stood on my own. The wind was blowing really strong through the trees on both sides of the river. The rushing river was a muddy brown.

Then I was at work in md’s office. It was a small room that was perfectly cube shaped. Her desk faced the door, so wide there was only maybe 2 feet on each side before the wall. The side of the cubic room behind the desk was one big solid sheet of glass window that looked out to the cityscape. It must’ve been just past dusk, the sky was a dark grey/blue. Seeing the building out there, the skyscraper, including the one we were in, must’ve been really tall. We were very high, at least about 30 floors up.

She calls a client on speaker phone while I had my notebook in front of me, read to take notes. She tells the client that it was awkward to have this conversation, to which the client agreed. I casually got up and closed the door and just sat back down taking notes, head down. Md sings praises about me for closing door, that they should feel more assured now the conversation was more private. She gave me an assuring and grateful smile and I returned the sentiment with a smile of my own.

A Performance and Reunion Interrupted

This dream(s) occurred during the first long sleep of a 15 hour flight. I was pleasantly surprised that I would dream and remember anything at all, what with the loud hum of the engine and the uncomfortable surroundings. It did take many hours before I recorded this though, so the account is not as detailed as I’d like but you know, long distance in-flight entertainment is too tempting.

Dreams 09.01.12
I was at a concert with a few friends (df, irish, roommate and a few others) as well as husband. Weird concert: it was Justin Timberlake performing and there was a musical break. He was dancing and Jessica Biel jumped in to dance beside him, they were synchronized. I know it’s a weird image…but that moment of synchronized dancing was really moving in its own way. They gave each other knowing looks, big smiles. They were visibly happy, joyful. I was mesmerized, wishing I could feel what they must’ve been feeling.

Then the group seemed to be making their way out of the plastic stadium seats, pretty sure they were blue. I wanted to stay so I looked over at the guys making their move. Husband was leading the pack, roommate and Irish enjoyed the dancing but could’ve left at any moment. Df was quite intrigued by the dancing as well, he would’ve left if everyone wanted to go. When he saw that I wanted to linger, he spoke up and said let’s stay a little while longer but Husband still wanted to go. He either said or communicated somehow that this was “lame”. That there were “better” things to see and do. After lingering a few more moments, I gave in and got up to go.

The next part may have been part of a different dream. I got into df’s car into the front passenger seat as he rushed into the driver’s seat. We slammed the door shut at the same time. The car was parked on the side of an empty road by a field. The sky was a bright white. We looked at each other, smiling with our eyes. We had lots to say to each other but neither knew who to go first. We also wanted to just throw ourselves into each other’s arms in an embrace but sitting in the car like that would make things awkward. It was known that we decided to talk in the car for that very reason, to prevent, where possible, physical contact.

We were just teeming with energy at the sight of each other. I was wearing a long skirt and sandals and I threw my legs up in front of my chest onto the seat and hugged them, hiding my smile from him (because I was embarrassed at how silly I was being) and continued to stare at him from behind my knees. He stared at me too, smiling, expectantly.

I was just about to open my mouth to speak when I felt and heard a knock on my window. Df looked out at whoever was behind me his smile faded slightly. He kept the smile on his face while looking at whoever was there but it was no longer genuine. I didn’t want to turn to see who it was. It was either husband or anybody else would be just as bad because it was taking me/us out of the current moment, away from the sanctuary of the car. Df looked at me and gestured with his head and told me to please wait and be patient while he went to deal with this, whatever it was. Then he exited the car.

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