A Concert Mission

I did NOT become lucid or aware or even remember anything during the long sleep last night. But my morning 8-9:30am nap resulted in a successful dream-chaining and a very detailed account. I guess that’s something to be happy about.

I downloaded Sleep Cycle for my iPod Touch. My friend told me it wouldn’t work because I sleep on a memory foam bed with the dog and another person but it seemed to register things well and I’d say fairly accurately from last night. Maybe I can work out my REM cycles and setup some timed audio cues while I sleep in the future.

Dreams 07.06.12
I am inside a large resort (kind of like a ski lodge) with some friends, not very close. They were all sitting in the cafeteria area having a laugh. I felt isolated as I walked past them and nobody noticed but in truth I was withdrawing anyway.

I carried a bag of clothes and other personal items down the stairs and went inside a long room with high ceilings. It was a big room where all the walls were covered with those small pay lockers you get at the pool. I shoved my things into one without paying and went outside.

The outside of the resort was a large concrete yard with a sloped-up grass lawn at the edge. At the top of the slope were mesh fences. If you looked at this “resort” from an aerial view it would probably look more like a compound or a prison. I went up to the fence and started throwing things onto it. It felt like I was doing some kind of work. For whom? I don’t know.

On the other side of the fence, a huge concert event was happening and Halestorm was playing one of their awesome songs. I started belting it out along with the music. Then I noticed someone else close by was doing it too. I looked down the slope to my right and saw another girl sitting on the lawn belting it out. She was just lying their on a towel. There was a guy next to her sleeping with something over his face.

She was younger than me, maybe in her late teens or early twenties. I would say that I feel like if my teen years had been slightly different, she’s who I would’ve been in that age. In reality I became more like that in my mid twenties after university – individual and free-spirited. She looked up at me in acknowledgment. I turned back towards the fence to do my “work”, still singing loudly, now in unison with the girl. I observed the tents and field where the concert was happening wishing I was there. Then the girl asked me, “So are we gonna go or what?”

I stopped working, turned around and started walking back towards the building and without looking at her, said, “Hells yes!” I knew she got up at that point to follow me. Then I said, “If you don’t mind I’m just gonna find the locker I didn’t pay for and put my tools in there so we could go. I don’t want to be carrying this stuff with me.” I’m not sure if she voiced this next concern out loud but there was a concensus and worry that since I hadn’t paid for the locker, the establishmebt may confiscate my belongings.

We went back into the long room which now had different areas, shelves, racks full of books, videotapes and records. I was walking and searching fast, literally jumping from shelf to shelf looking for a large tan leather bag. I knew I would recognize it from far away but after much hopping around like a ninja on the shelves, we found nothing. I wasn’t panicking or anything. The reality that my stuff is now gone didn’t really phase me. I knew that it was probably safe with the authorities. All I would have to do is go to them to ask for it and likely pay a large fine. I was prepared to do so. For a moment a visual montage of locker doors and the coin inserting mechanism of the lockers flashed before my eyes. I realized then that THAT was how I could’ve paid for the lockers. I didn’t realize it then, when I first put my things in.

I actually woke up from the dream at this point and took a few moments to remember. Then quickly drifted back in and chained the dream. No lucidity though, just continued with the flow.

I felt slightly stupid. The coin inserting mechanism obviously said how much they cost: “$4 for 2hr”. Relatively cheap compared to the fine which I was expecting to be $800. I figured I would tell the authorities the truth, that I figured there was a price but it wasn’t clear to me at the time where the coin mechanism was when I went up to a locker so I just used it and walked away. I can only hope the fine isn’t too big.

I said to the girl, “Let’s just go and we’ll come back for my stuff later.” She said, “If that’s what you want.”

We arrived at the concert ground, just outside the entrance. There were lots of people milling about and you can see just past the entrance to the tent that it was packed inside. Outside, amongst the people there was a gap, in the middle the members of Halestorm were chilling out, taking a break. The girl exclaimed, “Ooh! There’s” She said a name of one of the male bandmembers. I don’t even know if it was true. I considered asking her if she wanted to run up to the band and just scream like prepubescent girls but decided against it. It would be silly fun but I wasn’t really up for it.

We got past the entrance. The bouncer stopped us for a few seconds and waved a couple of other people in. Then he waved us in. When we got in, we followed some others which took us upstairs, across a bridge, etc. The building had a lot of rooms and hallways divided by aluminum frames with glass windows. A lot of the frames also had no glass. With each turn I felt like we were getting further from the concert, our destination. I knew we were getting lost.

Finally the hallway ended and we arrived at the edge of the building. The whole wall had been blasted through. It looked over a beautiful otherworldly scene. It was as if the building sat on the edge of a cliff, overlooking a bay below with blueish-purple water. I had a quick telescopic view of the ultra blue waves in the bay crashing against the shores. The mountainside in the distance looked normal, black and brown but before us and on the slopes down in front of us, it was just mounds of course white something shimmering in the light. The sun was setting in deep shades of oranges, reds and pinks. It was alien and beautiful.

I knelt down in front of the white mounds in front of us and dug my arms into the white stuff, elbows deep. It was coarse white salt. I looked at the girl who had dug her arms in too. We were both excited and ecstatic, in awe of the landscape before us. After some moments, we came to our senses and decided to find our way back to the concert again. We turned back the way we came and there was a man, a janitor, custodian type draggin something heavy behind him. It was partly invisible, the part that actually touched the ground. When we passed him I got a better look. It was a gental L-shaped glass thing, rimmed on one side by brushed aluminum. The glass must’ve been 2 inches thick but clearer than any glass could be. I can’t imagine what it was for but it was heavy.

Then we were back downstairs, in the tent where the concert was. The band was back on stage playing and it was dark with flashing lights. I lead the way, weaving through the crowds looking for openings and opportunites to get closer. I’d look behind me every so often to check on the girl, if she was keeping up. Then I found a spot to settle in about 40 feet from the stage. It looked like a good spot to enjoy the rest of the concert. I reached my right arm back to find the girl’s hand, to pull her in behind me.

Instead, when I pulled and looked back, it was a man. Nobody I knew but in the dream I was receptive. He was slightly taller than me, well built, head shaved close. He felt like he was a boyfriend in the dream, not someone I’m totally in love with but just enjoying each other, revelling still in the beginnings of connection. He came up close behind me and we just swayed and enjoyed the concert with our bodies close, warm. It felt really good.

Sorta Deja Vu

Dreams 07.04.12

I was doing my regular morning routine, making coffees and toast, packing my lunch. However our kitchen was a much darker color. It had the same layout just greyer and not much light for the morning. I distinctyly remember going into a big tupper wear and grabbing a few handfuls of a m&m and pretzel mix to bring to work.

Then instead of going to work I went to a chinese restaurant to pickup my grandma. I was supposed to take her somewhere. When I got to the restaurant I approached the table where some family members were. My aunt (sumsum) was one sitting one seat to the right of my grandma and grandma was in the corner. I didn’t notice what other family members were there. I squeezed in behind my sumsum’s seat and grandma turned around to greet me except she wasn’t really what my grandma looked like. She was like a mix between my old aunt from my mom’s side (yee ma) and my real grandma from my dad’s side (ah ma). She was also dressed more like yee ma would be dressed. She saw me, smiled and was about to get up from her seat. I stopped her and said I had to go to the washroom. So I squeezed behind sumsum’s chair to make my way out to the hallway.

I walked along looking out for the door to the ladie’s room. Even though I didn’t walk very far, it seemed like forever before I glimpsed the sign on the door just outside of the corner of my left eye.

Then I woke up from the alarm.

Orgy in the Sky

Dreams 04.05.12

There is a hole in my memory for the first bit. I know there was a smaller dinosaur in this part, something like a raptor but not carnivorous.

Next, I am on a cloud but it feels like a speed boat, flying at great speed across the water. Another person is on a similar craft beside me going the same direction. The ocean is a deep blue and we are heading towards a pink gradient sky. In the distance the gigantic dark grey neck of a big dinosaur can be seen. It’s body is beneath the ocean and its head is in the clouds. Swarms of something blue and purple can be seen in the distance.

As we get closer to the swarm I can see that they are millions of blue moths. One lands on my hand and its wings turns purple. It lingers on my finger for a second then flutters away. I am very excited that I will soon arrive at the neck and enjoying the warm wind and cold ocean spray immensely.

We reach the neck of the dinosaur which at this point no longer seems to be a dinosaur. I just see a thousand silvery white chains hanging out of the sky from the clouds.
I grip one and it is much lighter than expected. The metal chain is actually made of silk-woven chain links. I wrap my hands around one and start pulling myself up hand over hand.

After some time I am near the top. I cannot yet see where the end is tied to. I had to pull myself over the cloudy ledge. Then I see a teak balcony railing where the chain is tied. Beyond that, a pool, lounge chairs, and a beautiful house is in view. All around an orgy (no sex, just a wild drunken party) was taking place.

I hurl myself over the balcony and land on the floor then wander around the premises for a bit. I eventually wander inside the house. I enjoy the party for a bit and suddenly one of the hosts inside announced there would be a lockdown. “They” were coming to inspect. Quickly, people placed holiday decorations (christmas, halloween, spring, fall, all holidays) all over the house which I noted had very high ceilings.

I stood in an open area between the front entrance and dining room. Looking up above the host, I see the chandelier now covered and draped with more Christmas tinsel. I insult the host and say they are evil because they were lacking easter decor. The host begins walking towards me but there was a loud thud and the whole house shook. I rush to the front door to look out and the house was back on the ground, no longer in the sky. No one was coming to “inspect” anymore.

I wander the house some more and find a small closet and a room with a 3 level bunk bed. Then I had the feeling (saw it in images) that whoever resided in the beds had been forced into the closet, or switched places on the bunk beds to be molested and abused by the father figure of the house. I was creeped out but not scared and was curious to know more.

Dreams 03.23.12

I know there was more before but this is all I can remember. Baby steps…

My boss boss, dear friend and I were hanging out at home in the living room. It was actually what it looks like now. Boss boss was on the far side, dear friend sat in the middle of the side facing tv. There was music playing and I was dancing, pacing around the kitchen table area while they were prepping something. I think they were prepping weed for a bong or pipe although I didn’t actually see it. It had that familiar ritualistic feel to it. By ritualistic, I don’t mean it was silent and solemn. There was chatting and laughing but it is still part of THAT ritual.

Finally I approached the couch, sat on the far right, turned to face them, leaned back on the armrest and put my feet up on dear friend’s lap. I think he felt uncomfortable that I did that in front of boss boss.

Cut through the stuff I can’t quite remember. My old friend Zann from highschool and I were either skipping class or had just come out of a class. We were walking through a highschool and I think she was my girlfriend. Not in a highly sexual catholic lesbian schoolgirl way but more of a teenage girlfriends who are too close who have feelings for each other that have not been explored or discussed fully kind of way.

Anyway, we roamed about the school’s hallways. Several times I glanced at open classroom doors that we passed, searching for a familiar face. Whose? I do not know. Then we came to the end of the hall, which led to staircases that went up to somewhere unknown or into the basement, somewhere we knew would be unpleasant.

At this point I think Zann knew I was looking for someone, perhaps even who, even though I did not. We decided to go into the basement to look for this someone. After a few turns down narrow and grey corridors we arrived at a place that is typical of how Hell or Hades is depicted in movies and cartoons.

The ground was hard and cracked as far as the eye can see. It was dark everywhere although we could see about 250 feet or so before us clearly. The horizon in the distance just looked black, red and hazy, like something dangerous was out there. From where we stood, there was a slight slope down, leading to black iron gates. We knew we had to pass the gates to get to where we need in order to find this someone, so we ran towards the gate to have a look.

The bottom of the gates actually did not touch the ground. There was a large enough gap for us to roll under, had there not been barbed wire strung all across underneath the gate. We looked through the barbed wire in despair but could see a figure in the distance. It was a large, hulking human-like monster, sitting on a rock with his face down as if in thought.

As soon as we looked at him, he turned and saw us. He sprang to his feet and charged towards the gate at full speed. Just before he reached the gate he jumped high into the air, over the gates and landed on our side. Fortunately he landed on his side and his blacksmith’s hammer (although it was small because I could comfortably hold it in my small hands) fell to the floor and rolled towards me. I picked it up.

When I looked up Zann was already on top of him, trying to pin him to the ground. He was about twice the size of one of us. I rushed over and tried multiple times to knock him out with the hammer by swinging at the back of his head. I made contact everytime but each time the blow landed it just felt like a hard thud, nowhere near knock out power. A few times I just sat there on top of this monster of a man, perplexed and wondering. Do I just hit him again? How can I knock him down in a different way? All this while my friend was beside me, struggling to keep his legs and body still.

Finally Zann snatched the hammer from my hands and showed me that at the connection where handle met head, there was an ornamental part that had a really sharp tip. I took the hammer back and jammed the pointed end right into the monster’s left jugular. He was dead instantly, with a blacksmith’s hammer against his face. Surprisingly, there wasn’t much blood.

Then we were in the “desired” place. I don’t remember how we went from the hellish basement to here. “Here” was actually the top floor of the school where there was a large irregularly shaped pool that seemed to be everywhere on the floor. There was a tube slide that looked like it just wrapped around the entire floor but I couldn’t tell where it started. Here we ran into Bilbo (not the Hobbit, but my friend from highschool that bestie and I codenamed Bilbo). He was there with kids but I didn’t see them. This pool was super busy. There were kids all around. I’m not sure if Zann was still with me at this point but I remember the feeling that this place was not at all like I expected and felt disappointment.

Then I remember turning to leave and the exit was decorated in such a way that it reminded me of a carnival tent. So I felt a little excited, bit scared but also a little sad because this place, while fun for kids, was definitely no carnival.

Okay I know that doesn’t make much sense but that’s what I felt in the dream.

Dreams 03.07.12

I can’t quite remember the beginning of the dream but I remember waiting in a big church. My husband was somewhere in the church too but I didn’t see him nor was I looking for him.

I just walked around but knew I wasn’t supposed to leave. Then mass was starting so I tried to “blend” in with the crowd except there were just small pockets of people sitting in the pews. So I walked up to the front to the right side of the altar, looking for a place to hide.

This was a really big church, lot of sunlight pouring in from the ceiling. Most if not all the patrons were Chinese. Behind the altar was a humongous statue of the Pieta. So I thought there should’ve been places to hide behind the altar. However there were a few confession rooms and no place to sit. I ended up sitting on a folding chair directly beside the statue facing the crowd. Basically the least hidden spot ever.

After that I went to a mall or something with my dear friend. He had a doctor’s appointment. We split up and I went into what could only be described as a haberdashery. They sold buttons, pieces of “software” to add to clothing, leather pieces, extra bra hooks, velcro stuff, etc. I was at a wall of them looking at bra hooks and loops, just browsing.

Then Patton Oswalt but he looked different, who is supposed to be a family friend came up to me. Apparently I was at the mall, supposed to catch a ride from him home. But I didn’t want to go with him. I’d rather wait for my friend to finish so he could drive me home. I tried to hint to Patton that I was cool, I had a ride, just waiting for my friend but he just kinda waited and said alright cool we’ll wait for your friend and see what happens. So that kind of became awkward.

Then I think I woke up…

Therefore last night’s intention sorta failed. No convo with myself. Try again tonight though.

Dreams 03.05.12

Last night’s dream involved some recurring events. Although I don’t remember the first time the events played out but in the dream, I knew they had happened before or at least in a similar fashion.

I was me outside my body and had to protect the real me from not getting “hurt” while being true to myself and being able to enjoy life. Most of all I was trying to keep real me from one man. I did run into this man a couple times in the dream and saw his face but he didn’t seem to correlate to anyone in real life. He was Chinese or at least Asian though.

Most of the dream I was following real me as she was out and about town. There was some weird architecture and a lot of super slopey walkways. At one point she met 2 guys who were just sitting, chilling, having some beers with a couple other people. They were just outside in a side alley on some folding chairs. They seemed to have sexual intentions with her but we sat with them anyways. We had some laughs and some drinks.

The guy I had to keep real me from showed up a couple times. Once along the corridors of a mall. Another time I think we were just out along the street. Protector me intercepted and physically pushed him away as he approached before real me had a chance to even see him. Seemed like he was stalking real me.

Anyways, I wish I remembered more details from the dream but I woke up in the middle of the night again to let the dog out. This dream happened during the first sleep cycle and since I didn’t get a chance to stay in bed and not move, much of the details just faded away.

I’m very happy about this dream though, having two me’s in it at once. Although we didn’t directly interact I think I am getting closer to my goal of conversing with myself.

I want the next one to be me as real me, speaking to protector me, or the other variations of me.

Progress! This is exciting!

On a side note, I read a report yesterday titled Perceived Support for Promotion-Focused and Prevention-Focused Goals from Northwestern University:

http://www.wcas.northwestern.edu/psych/Documents/Molden_Goal%20Support.pdf#page=3

It’s basically a study on the measure of satisfaction in unmarried and married couples in correlation to the amount of perceived support they receive from their partners. At the top of page 3, it listed the items/questions used to measure perceived goal support and it really kind of opened my eyes to some of the reasons why I feel the way I do about marriage right now.

For both promotion and prevention-focused goals, I would have to answer No to all of it. A little disconcerting that’s for sure. I think I will go through our responses from the questionaire on “compatibility” and possible “issues” from our marriage prep course again just to get more perspective.

I think I am also getting very close to answering the question I posed myself in the post More Reflections from Feb 25. Just need to organize my thoughts a bit more to write it down…