Finding What’s Mine

Dreams 03.22.18

I was an “old” student, my age now, enrolled into some program for college/university students. With duffle bag and pillow in tow, I attended what can only be described as a massive house party in a giant mansion. Everyone else there were twenty somethings also attending this program’s kick-off sleepover party.

Lights were off in general and everywhere it was dimly lit by low lamps, candlelight or fire pits. As I walked through the garden towards the house, I recall seeing a long dark haired man or woman spinning poi or meteors.

Inside the party, people and luggage were sprawled out all over. It looked like everyone simply placed their belongings in a spot to “claim” as theirs, which presumably would also be their spot to crash for the night. I had people that I sort of knew at the party so I hung around their little circle and placed my duffle bag, pillow and crazy galaxy color print hoodie near their stuff.

Whatever I was on, drinks or maybe drugs, although I never once imbibed in the dream, my mental state was definitely elevated. Perhaps it was just from the atmospheric fervor of the party. I recall walking around, on tables and counters, super confident, surveying the crowds and looking down to see things I wouldn’t otherwise have seen if I stayed at ground level, being physically short as I am. I felt on top of the world, older and wiser than the young’uns that surrounded me and I was having a blast just being.

Then I suddenly noticed that my duffle bag, pillow and hoodie were not where I left them. I walked around everywhere but could not see any trace of them. Returning to the group of people I had befriended that night, I waited for an opportunity to insert myself into the drunken conversation.

One of the people in the group was a pretty tall man who hunched over slightly. I had not met him yet. When I asked the group if they had seen my stuff, specifically describing the coloring of my hoodie, this tall man stood up taller (he was probably 7 feet tall) and then looked right into my eyes, took my hand, crouched down to my level and whispered into my ear. Whatever he said I do not remember but it was flirtatious and possibly even salacious. He indicated that he either knew where my things were or that he could help me find them. It wasn’t exactly clear what he said honestly but in the dream, I was titilated at the attention he directed at me but I was also weary of it, not really wanting it at the same time. The prospect of going off into dark, unknown territories of this mansion with a strange giant of a man was intimidating but I did really want to find my stuff.

I think I indicated or gestured that I would accept his help but instead of allowing him to lead me through the mansion, I took his hand instead and took the lead. I remember walking into different parts of the house, places that looked like a giant warehouse, the pool area and other parts that I cannot recall now. At no point in any of these rooms did I notice the giant man with me so perhaps I “lost” him but it didn’t matter to me at all. I was now on a mission to find what was mine.


Hostage situation

I’ve had at least 3-4 other dreams that I remembered in the past few weeks but waited too long to write them down and they fizzled away. Here’s this morning’s dream.

Dreams 02.22.18

“White-trash hicks” with guns busted into my fictional run-down cottage and held myself, my bf and other guests hostage. I was on the floor holding and hugging my dogs. One of them is getting old and started shaking, realizing her need to go outside to do her business, about to have an accident. I asked if I could bring them out and was kicked and scolded.

I broke down and held the dogs tighter, sobbing. Then the girl in charge of watching the captives took pity on me and said she will take her out. I looked up to her, grateful and she mouthed, “It’s fine, after all we are bunk mates.” That confused me but I realized that she must mean that later at night she would be sleeping in the hostages’ quarters, sharing a bunk with me. I looked up at her again in thanks. This time, she looked like one of my co-workers.

Everything Blows Up

I had a terrible night trying to sleep due to whatever happened last night. Five to six hours of laying on the bed, wide-eyed and exhausted but unable to fall asleep. In the final hour I drifted in and out of dreams that were pretty crazy but each time I woke up believing they were real.

Dreams 01.29.18

I laid in bed awake, looked at my work phone. Then saw these weird animated text notifications. When I tapped on them they started a chain of more notifications and more other animations. My phone must’ve been infected with a virus. The pace of the messages was non-stop. Then I saw a colleague’s actual text come in, asking “WTF are these texts?!” Which meant my phone must’ve sent out the virus to others and infecting their phones. I kept tapping, trying to regain control of the device but nothing was working.

Later or in a different dream, I went downstairs to our living room/kitchen. I saw big puddles of something wet. I assumed at first that our dogs had accidents so I yelled out to my bf and said I’ll grab old towels o clean up. I went up the stairs and looked back down through the railing. The scene had changed completely. Parts of the kitchen floor had sunken in, there were jets of water spewing from broken pipes. Parts of the living room floor had also sunk in and exposed pipes, broken wood and general chaos filled my view. My bf was down there freaking out. I was too but he could not hear me at all. There was nothing to be done. I decided to run out to look for help.

When I went out there, our place was somehow perched atop a hill, which it normally isn’t. The reason it was on top of a “hill” now was because everywhere around the neighborhood, there were sink holes and whatever the opposite of sink holes are where because of the movement of the earth beneath, parts of the surface now jutted out and upwards. Water jets and geysers also spewed everywhere out here. It was a mess. Then came the rain, torrential, pouring down.

I saw a “path” of mud down the hill to the road so I jumped down and slid down there. My sister who was with me now for some reason did the same beside me. The two of us started running down the road. One time, I had to pull her away from the “side” of the road because the road suddenly dropped. After pulling her back, we peered over down the newly formed sinkhole. It was now a cliff, and we looked down onto other broken roads, houses and people trying to figure out what to do. My sister said to me, “Next time don’t pull me like that.” I think I must’ve startled her but then we decided that we should probably run. So we picked up our skirts or harem pants and ran, trying to escape the chaos and looking for help.

Just Keep On Moving

Dreams 01.27.18

I had travelled somewhere by plane and I was at the airport waiting for my return flight. I was maybe a couple hours from when I needed to be at the gate so I sat around outside, somewhere kind of quiet to chill out and enjoy the sun. It was windy out and I was so confident because I was early that I used my boarding pass as a bookmark. I set my book down briefly to take something else out of my bag and the wind took my boarding pass with it. I…freaked…out.

Immediately I started heading inside towards the gate, fumbling through my bag to look for a passport to show them at the counter, hoping they will print me another pass. However, I realized it must’ve been a domestic flight because I did not bring my passport. Aaah!!!

Nevertheless I headed towards the gates or counter as fast as I could, walking through the large concourse of the flight terminal. I remember I was on the second floor, looking over the ground floor, seeing all kinds of people weaving around each other as I tried to do the same. It just seemed like absolutely everything was getting in my way though.

I panicked some more, exhausted and frustrated. It was as if every big stride I took meant nothing. I was moving the distance I should’ve been but I felt no closer to where I should be. I was ready to just give up…but I kept on going.

Dreams 01.28.18

I remembered the dream earlier today and for most of the day too. But something happened tonight and I am angry though not so much anymore…so I forgot…

Chasing Versions of Myself

Dreams 01.26.18

I was at a house party which wasn’t packed. However I wasn’t in a mood to socialize amongst groups or in the light so I wandered around on the main floors in the darker rooms where a few people sat in corners chilling, having more private conversations. I found my way to a room with a few bookshelves and a couch facing a window. There was no view. It was dark out. The couch looked comfy though and I stood there in front of it, quietly contemplating whether I should sit and commit to being antisocial.

Then I noticed someone had sidled up next to me. It was a colleague whom I’ve known for as long as I have been in my current line of work. In fact, I’ve always had a bit of a crush on him. When I was younger, I recognized this as purely an attraction crush. As I got older, I realized more than half of that feeling is out of admiration, out of wanting to BE him because it appears as if he has accomplished so much and has a passion for all that he does. He is always busy but still appears to be perfectly balanced and happy, not to mention genuine and grounded. I have never heard a valid criticism of him from other people that didn’t have a twinge of envy or self-loathing. I think it’s a kind of energy I wish I could embody myself or at least have around me as inspiration.

Anyways when I looked up and saw him next to me, he bent down and whispered in my ear, “Do you notice me…” I turned towards him. I think I wanted to kiss him but either he had slipped away then disappeared or I hesitated and the moment faded away to something else in the dream.

I can’t remember much of the rest of the dream. I don’t think the colleague was in it anymore, at least not in that form. I remember being at the house party still although not participating in the “party”. It was more like the house party was a setting and I was having my own adventure chasing or playing hide-and-seek with a little boy.

This game was not frantic. It felt like some kind of roleplay and that the boy represented something I was trying to capture. I also remember sitting on a single bed with white sheets in a bedroom. A lamp with no lampshade in the corner lit myself and the boy who kneeled next to me. He was quiet but waved his hands in front of me as if trying to get me to play. I was interested but hesitant.

Sharing my views on religion

Dreams 01.22.18

Lots more I do not remember in the dream but in the interest of getting it down into words…

I was sitting amongst a group of people, some were watching TV, others were having conversations. I was amongst “adults” (I am my current age), as in my mom and her friends, some of their kids and strangers I did not recognize. We were all jammed along bench-style ottomans and long couches, as if we were very patient but happy refugees of something, waiting and passing time with conversation. A TV screen was playing to my left where other people near me watched or listened to “outside” news. I felt like beyond our area, there were hundreds and thousand more couches with other people just like us, also waiting and chatting.

I was writing comments into a book with a pen or tapping away on my phone/tablet. I say bit because I remember both so it might’ve changed midway through the dream. My mother asked me why I always waited until last minute to do this and this is what I said to her, the main gist of it anyways.

“The reason I wait until the last minute is because I don’t really care. I mean I care enough to comment and make my views about religion known to her (my sister) but not enough to rush to let her know. Ultimately it doesn’t matter what I think/believe but it’s nice to share.”

They come and they go

Dreams 11.11.17

In Friday night’s dream I could not remember exactly what happened but I could remember a feeling. This feeling triggered me to remember a little bit more about the dream, though not much.

What I felt was that I was alone in this world and that I had no real friends other than my dogs, the ones that have lived and the ones that live now. I remember feeling humiliated in the dream by the people that were there. I remember yelling out to them from one room where I was, to the next where they were. I yelled “I am not happy!”

Dreams 11.12.17

I actually remembered a lot of Saturday’s dreams but at the time I decided to note this (while driving and using OK Google to jot notes) I could not recall a single thing.

Dreams 11.13.17

Same thing happened again as yesterday. Pretty sure my recall was clear when I woke up but as soon as I moved or had the thought of “Oh I want to sleep on but it’s Monday!”, it all slipped away.