A journal of dreams
Dreams 01.21.25
Basically forgotten everything in my dream but I do remember it was pretty elaborate and for a brief moment when I woke up I had all the details. But now all I can remember is a part of the dream when I was trying to read a package of pre-mixed cookie or muffin batter. The wording and logos were all blurry no matter how I turned it. Someone, maybe a child was near me, asking me to read it and I started to get frustrated because I couldn’t.
Dreams 01.18.25
In my dream, I was reviewing a reel of Ke Guy Quan’s life’s work, including movies and TV shows that were completely made up. After the reel was over, I was in an apartment’s living room, well lit by a blue-white sunlight from outside, coming in through sheer white curtains all around.
There were many small beds in the space, all occupied by my partner’s children. I think my own child might also have been in one of them but I am not sure. One bed had covers on it. When I flipped it back, it was my ex, my child’s father sleeping there soundly.
My immediate reaction and feeling was relief that he was not in bed with me. Then some sadness and more relief that “this” was truly over and it will never be better.
Dreams 01.17.25
There’s a lot I do not remember from the dream. The main goal in the dream is,was to wait for my partners youngest child to be picked up so that we could be alone to have sex.
I just remember my point of view seemed to be from the ground laying on my side. My partner was cuddling me. It was like I could see the garage door open. Outside, an old boxy looking car pulled in backwards onto the driveway. I could see the sun’s rays coming through orange and red leaves on the tree above the car, it must’ve been autumn. A woman in a winter coat that I did not recognize got out. A child with the silhouette of my partner’s youngest ran out towards the woman who helped her into the car.
I think I watched them drive off from my spot on the garage floor. They didn’t seem to have noticed my presence there the entire time.
Dreams 01.15.25
There was a first part to the dream that I don’t remember but I knew was there. The part I remember the most is being at a gigantic rave but it wasn’t too busy like the dance floor wasn’t too crowded. I say that because I had lots of room spread out and go nuts.
As I danced and circulated through the dance floor checking out the surroundings, from a far I saw my middle school frenemy JK. When I saw her I knew that the context of the dream was that I came with a group of long time friends from high school and she was part of the group. Since I didn’t see anybody else from the group I went over to her. She said something in my ear which I took to mean that the whole group wanted to leave, soon. I was instantly annoyed because I had planned to stay the whole night and I thought that was the group’s plans too. Part of me thought that she was telling me that because she other if you wanted it or she was simply telling me that so that I could help wrangle others to leave.
I looked at the time either on a wall clock or on my watch, it was definitely an analog time telling device because there were hour and minute hands. I told myself then her that we will go in 30 minutes. Then I moved away, back to my freedom on the dance floor.
As I moved about dancing I saw a group of fellow ravers, mostly guys, friendly and didn’t seem to want anything from me. One seemed to be checking out my necklace from afar then approached in an unassuming fashion as I danced closer/past his group. He pointed at my necklace and asked “What is that?” From my POV, I could see myself lift the chain from my neck to look at the pendant. The whole necklace resembled the gumball machine toy prize necklace that my child recently got at the dentist’s office except that one was a unicorn donut and mine was a cabbage or Bok Choy leaf on a thin chrome ball chain. I was pleased to see my necklace, not really even registering the reaction from the guy who had asked about it and I twirled and danced away back into the dance.
Dreams 01.14.25
I was younger in my 20s, backpacking with friends on a foreign country. I was walking following my group of friends who at that point were kind of one behind the other not in a cluster. I had headphones on listening to music and kind of dazed looking around my surroundings. To the left something caught my attention as we walked down the crowded streets. It was a building built out of sand. People had gathered at the outer wall to touch it. I approached and saw it was made out of sand somehow held together but there were many holes in it like swiss cheese. I reached out to touch a hole then the sand started to fall apart and collapsing. I had a mini panic but guessed that was the feature or artistry of this special house.
I looked around wanting to catch up with my backpacking friends. One name in particular came to mind, a JR. I looked down the street as far as the eye can see, nothing.
I looked for my phone hoping to call but of the 3 phones that I was carrying, one for work, one personal, not sure about the other, only 2-3 people – I looked at the work one, tried to look for friend JR’s number but was only able to dinner work JT.
Then I started weaving through the streets which has different levels and slopes throughout the city. As I diff this, I found my personal phone but did not know who to call from it. The battery was down to 38% which made me panic more. I called my friend, my MV, agreeing to meet then on one of the levels in the pedestrian mall that we were in.
On the way there I frantically went through the windy paths and insanely busy pedestrian walkways. Once united with my friends who now looked like a different group, I asked for directions to somewhere and one of them answered me. It was up a level but to get there I had to go down and then back up. I complained of the confusing way to move around this place and looked for a way to charge my phones by rummaging through all the contents of my backpackk without success.
Then my mom asked if
There have been many forgotten and mostly forgotten dreams since the start of November. Peppered in were a few that I did remember.
3 men scientist blimp climb on float over see the opposite upside down boat move into water they faces
Lots I can’t remember…
Another dream, sitting at table beside ex on his music Maker he ignores me
4 dream that I remember more fully from the last two weeks:
1) I was considering abandoning my child out of frustration of dealing with my ex. My partner was with me as I was struggling w the decision. There werr attempts to justify the decision but immediately I did not want to go through with it because of plans that were to occur within the next few days.
2) I was in a world with sandy landscapes much like the Dune world but less technologically advanced – more motorized machines on the ground and less flying ones. I experienced different levels of the world, meaning underground there were several layers but without the blue sky and sun. Then later I met someone who showed me a document that was like an infographic map of this sand world except it was a live map. It showed wind storms, dust storms and changes in the environment as the desert changed in real time. There was more that I remembered at the time but now it feels like I was on some type of quest to save someone or beat a “boss” that would’ve taken me through the live map.
3) I was somewhere I cannot remember but my mother waved me over to her and told me she had lost the things I borrowed for her. I was upset because I knew this would have consequences for my lending privileges at the library. I had just borrowed a vehicle too. I walked away in a huff to another place I had to go to and felt someone following me. It was a lady from the library behind me with a clipboard trying to telle about all the stuff I borrowed that needs to be brought back immediately. I was feeling annoyed and ran away from her. I ran inside a building which felt like a restaurant or bar but I went through a door that led into the walls and there was a secret staircase to another room upstairs where I exited into.
4) Dream 12.29.24
I had been journeying. I was parched and I had just arrived at an outside area that was rocky and sandy. Buildings were laid out in a circular area, there was foot traffic and wagons and animals, people going about the unpaved “street”.
Then I must have been amongst the buildings but I was running away from something that had been unleashed and it would get me if I did not run away. I was terrified and in my hand was a big red button like the easy button in those Staples commercial. A thing that was zombie like came hurling itself around the corner and as soon as I saw it I held out the red button swinging it at the creature to block the attacks as it lunged at me. I knew the button would save me somehow but I had no idea how. Eventually I blocked one of the attacks so that the creature pressed the button. Immediately the creature turned away and ran away from me, nowhere to be seen.
Dreams 11.17.24
In my dream, there were officious looking secret government militarial personnel telling me that I had to retrieve information about something. I had to be very careful with it because no one can know, that’s how dangerous it was.
That’s the vague feeling I remember in the dream. I cannot remember any visuals.
Dreams 11.14.24
In my dream I was in some underground rave / dark carnival type of thing that was literally in a cave system of some sort. It was dimly lit and it was busy, not wall to wall busy. People were moving around and shuffling but I was in hallways and going to and from places following my bestie who is tall so I don’t think I saw her face. I mostly saw the back of her and her hair.
Then we were inside the windy waiting line for a ride, something scary. I really couldn’t see what was beyond the lineup but it seemed like we were both waiting excitedly in anticipation. For a brief moment I had my head down just listening to the music bouncing through the caves from the music room somewhere in these catacombs of the underground space. I hear the opening bars of Wait and bleed by Slipknot. I recall it really revving me up and I could see my bestie feeling the same. We looked up at each other and smiled – like let’s fucking go.
The next thing I remember I was still in this underground space but I was in something that looked like a long and narrow merch store. I was with a female and a male. The female looked like my bestie but my attitude towards her had changed like the relationship was different. Now she felt like somebody I was taking care of and so did the male. The next thing I knew I was telling them that we have to be somewhere, to get ready for it, something that was a big deal. In my head I knew that we had to go attend a music awards ceremony and I was a star of some sort and I would either have to be on stage or go present. Either way I need to get ready and all fancied up and I thought I could do it in 15 to 20 minutes. What I told them was you guys need to go get ready and be done in about 15 to 20 minutes, otherwise when I am ready I am just going without you. I had to tell them that 2 to 3 times before they groaned like children then finally headed up to their hotel rooms assumably to get ready. As soon as they were gone I walked briskly towards my hotel room and weaved through hallways that became wider and slightly brighter leading to upstairs.
Upstairs in the hallways there seemed to be bluish Gray sunlight streaming in from somewhere. Everything still looked like it was inside a cave system but upstairs was fancier somehow, like the floors were polished or something. I finally entered my hotel room and the inside was a lighter beige rock than in the hallways which were all dark black or gray. It seemed like I was inside a room that is all closet and the closet doors were these rolling Wood slats. At first glance it was difficult to figure out how to open the closet doors. Finally to the right of the right closet I saw something that looked like a handle that I can pull on so I pushed it hard to the left and the doors seemed heavy but also there was some assisting mechanism and it rolled and opened fairly easily. As it rolled open, it revealed a closet full of a range of fancy to medium fancy to uniquely fashionable dresses.
I glanced at it without even touching any of the dresses and realized that the dress I had in mind for the event, a light blue long to the floor gown that had a poofy ish tulle skirt, was not there at all. I instantly realized that I had not packed it for my trip to this place. What was I going to do all of these dresses looked like they might have been my mother’s. I guess I would have to make do with something in here, try to make it look like it fit me and also fashionable in my style.
Then, I heard the door to this room opening and I turned around, it was my mother slipping in. She had not even said anything yet and I said to her, ‘ I forgot to pack my dress! ‘ she did not say anything but she approached me in support and I turned back to the closet started flipping through the dresses inside. I saw a few that were nice and had unique fesigns but I was not into them. Then I pulled a few pieces out put them on and looked in the mirror. It was weird but it was definitely more me and definitely unique. Here’s my description of it -the underlayer was a peach orange colored sheath type dress with embroidery of little green and orange flowers at the bottom that was a gradient towards the top which was lighter in color. Over top of that was a big sandy colored but thicker layer crossed over at the front near the neck area all the way down to about mid calf and had an asymmetrical hem, shorter in the front and longer in the back but not all the way to the floor. I saw a hood peeking out from the neck so I pulled it up and over my head. The hood was a shiny red, possibly sequined or a shiny lamé. Yes it was weird but all the layers together intrigued me and the non-uniform patterning and textures of the outfit was also interesting to me. I guess I was going out this way. I looked at the reflection of myself in the mirror and my mom was just behind me tugging at parts of the outfit to make it sit better. I glanced down to my footwear and they were red topped white soled cloud sandals.
Now that outfit was put together it was time for makeup and of course I realized I had not brought any makeup at all either. I was in the bathroom with my mom looking at the mirror leaning in closer to really see my face. I could see that I had old and almost rubbed off mascara on my lashes and there were little specks of black on the under part of my eye, flaked off from mascara and presumably eyeliner from before. I looked like a mess. I started rubbing around my eyes with a piece of wet tissue paper and I got most of it off. I also thought the other two must be ready and I am definitely late now. Then I thought about borrowing just powder from my mom maybe that would even out my complexion. Then I thought fuck it I’m not wearing makeup this is my look this is how I’m rolling out.
I think the last part of the dream that I remember, and I might be making this up, was me walking down the hallway head held high, strutting down towards the event.
Dreams 11.13.24
I was dreading doing something that required me to drive a good distance to go do it. I had a bag of chewy tablets that were supposed to kill me. I took two of them then stuffed the rest into my jacket pocket. I got into the car and started driving towards this thing I was dreading. As time went on in the car I started feeling anxious about why the stuff I took didn’t kick in, why was I not dying yet. Am I going to have to endure whatever this thing I was dreading to do? As I thought that sometimes I took detours as I drove to try and delay arriving at the place. I do recall that the drive was through the line streets so it was scenic and it reminded me of parts of my drive on my commute to work.
Dreams 11.06/06.24
Writing this almost a week since. In the dream I was looking down at a big aluminum mixing bowl with ground meat and other mixed in thing. I started forming meatballs with my hands to set aside. With only 3 meatballs made, I paused to yell out in response to somebody “offscreen” calling for me to help with something. Then I walked away from my prep.
Dreams 11.05.24
Everything that I’m about to write down for the dream could be wrong except the setting where it takes place and the main action that was carried out throughout the dream.
There was going to be a huge celebration in a medieval or dark ages type of castle. It was big but it wasn’t ginormous, the castle that is. The celebration was going to be a big deal and I think the king and queen tasked me with finding the prince so he can prepare and participate in the celebrations. Basically I spent most of the dream running around through the castle talking to different people trying to find the prince.
The one thing I noticed was that everyone’s way of dressing was like a hybrid of futuristic and medieval fashions. Jackets and coats were long and ornate with golden embroidery with very fine details. However shapes that were cut out of these cloths had modern and futuristic lines.
I also remember seeing somebody in the castle, someone who worked for the king and queen – he was basically Brad Pitt but he had some bleach frizzy hair and almost like a really really bad mullet so it was shortish on the top and then really long down to his chest in the back but his facial hair was bushy and gray. He was just kind of hanging out at tables in the background the entire time that I ran through different areas of the castle, with kids and other people, just lurking and starting at me with a neutral face. I’m not sure what his job was but he definitely stood out to me in the dream.
In the end I think I did find the print but he was a slippery one because I think as soon as I found him he disappeared again. I also recall something about shoes like I was having a hard time running around like a castle because I did not have the appropriate footwear. And I’m not sure if that’s not appropriate because there was a lot of muddy places in the castle and my footwear just would not protect my feet or if they were half broken and falling apart or if my footwear was not fancy enough.
I vaguely recall at the end of the dream walking into a big Hall where the actual celebrations were taking place and feeling like half a failure because the prince was not here but at least he didn’t ruin the celebration and nobody seemed to actually notice.
There was also one part in a dream I can’t remember when, I had to convince somebody of something by singing to them operatically.
Dreams 11.03.24
I don’t remember the exact order of the dream. These are the pieces in my head. I was walking in a snowy parking lot with the actress who played Sandra Beeman in The Americans. She was not the character although we were walking and chatting as if she was. We were on our way to some kind of support group for spouses of partners who cheated. As we walked it was super bright with the sun directly overhead in a clear blue sky. We chatted like acquaintances, not super close friends. We were walking towards a small boxy building in the distance. There were no other cars in the lot so I totally could’ve parked closer but didn’t. So the walk towards the building together was long.
Either inside the building or in another part of the dream, I was inside a gigantic shopping centre complex of multiple malls that connected together. How did I know this? Everywhere I looked were giant glass windows and escalators. It actually looked half like an airport half like the main concourses of malls in Asia, at least my perception of them. I was looking for a particular Chinese restaurant. I think it was a fancier sit down place that I’m looking for but the first place I walked into to talk to someone was more of a side of the street type of place.
I recall asking some store staff whether my mom was there, or whether my mom’s usual discount was available to me. I can’t remember at this point if it was the restaurant or another type of store.
Writing this at bedtime now so many hours have passed. I forget the rest that I had remembered this morning. It was probably more roaming in this mall.
Dreams 11.01.24
I was in a crowded subway train. My mom was further down the car and I was attempting to make my way to her. I looked to my right out the windows. We were stopped at a crowded station and on the platform my daughter was weaving through people’s legs, looking a little lost though determined to walk in the opposite direction that I was going.
My instinct was to go to her so I changed directions. The subway doors were open and everyone on the platform was trying to get in. I was weaving past people inside the train car just to keep up so I could see her. Then I saw her dad grab her hand, scoop her up and they disappeared into the crowd. My heart sank at not seeing her in my sight anymore but I knew she was “safe”, at least out of sight and out of mind. I slowly made my way back the other direction towards my mom.
For some reason I got the idea from her that she knew my daughter would be here and that’s why she insisted we come to this subway station and train car. I told her that she shouldn’t have done that. Despite me being happy to have seen my daughter, her dad, if he saw us, would have considered us to be stalking him and it wouldn’t have been wrong. I told her never to do it again but she seemed dismissive.
I eventually got off the subway and went up to street level where I entered a museum that had some type of cultural historical exhibit. I don’t know how to describe this without it being culturally insensitive but I feel like the exhibit entrance pictures has black Royals or aristocrats in super fine garments in ancient Asian historical settings around water and boats or boathouses. A matronly lady approached me and asked if I needed assistance. I told her I want to enter this exhibit and she stepped back saying that I am in the right place.
Dreams 10.30.24
My bf and I went into a highschool classroom, later for class together. We must have been seniors as we seemed a bit arrogant, not carrying about our tardiness. Another kid in class sitting near the teacher was giving us dirty looks so we hard stared at them back with equal amounts of “hate”. Then the teacher started talking and class time passed.
Later my bf left the classroom with other friends to do something. I was going to catch up, for an unknown reason I stayed behind in class.
I was packing my school bag next to a bench beside a wall. I must have been beside a window too because I was looking outside, off screen somehow I guess I was watching it from another perspective. Then I looked down on the bench, Christina P was laying about there and we started chatting.
I can’t remember what she asked me, it was like shallow then deeper girl chat. She might’ve asked me about my bf because I kept looking out the window for him. Beyond that I don’t know what else we talked about but it felt like we were becoming fast friends.
Dreaming In Unison 