Riding on the Dummy Train

WILD attempt 04.08.12 – Fail

The attempt failed and I woke up at about 9:45am. It’s to difficult with the dog sleeping beside me, breathing on me, licking me. I think I did start having a waking dream where I was experiencing something, voices perhaps (can’t remember what happened) while I could still feel her breathing but then one sleepy kick from her and it woke me right up.

Dream (sleep in) – 04.08.12

I went back to sleep after. Shouldn’t have because I wasted more time. But then all I would be doing is cleaning the house, eating, making food. I guess that should be worthwhile.

I was in the R University campus after a tour with a group of students. AlbinoD from highschool was amongst the group. She didn’t look like herself but it was her. She was carrying some kind of folding massage table, oddly shaped but without the padding. I tried to help her carry one end because she seemed to have trouble with it but she insisted on doing it herself.

We finally got onto a subway train and she found a seat at the back. We chatted and she showed me a map of her classes and her schedule. In my head I was wondering the same thing. Which classes did I sign up for? Where were my classes on campus in relation to each other? When would I have time to figure it out?

The train exited the tunnel and we went above ground. Except now I felt like the train was not fully covered. It was like one of those zoo or amusement park trains that you take with the kids when they grow tired and fussy to shut them up. The train was passing through the city, which looked every bit futuristic, everything looked grey. Then suddenly I realized my entire vision was grey all except one small rectangular patch directly in the middle of my field of view. This alone was in vibrant colors. I started to freak out a little but the train went back into a tunnel and everything went dark.

Then I was sitting on a couch with husband at home. Roommate was also there chilling with us and the TV was on. It didn’t look like our real living room. Husband asked what I wanted to do the next day and I suggested we go downtown to the campus area to hang out, make a day of it and I would get to know where my classes would be. He just said, “Naaah.”

I was very disappointed. Then I think I tried to seduce him to change his mind but it didn’t really go anywhere.

Dreams 03.10.12 – W.I.L.D. part 2

I was so encouraged by the false awakening, the fact that the WILD technique actually worked, that I was determined to try again.  Forget leaving the house to go out and about!

I went back to try the WILD techniques again. It was much harder this time because I was excited and overly eager (if that is possible than before).

I ended up “waking” up in a bedroom, obviously not like the one in the real world. It was a queen bed, lots of blankets, kind of reminded me of the old bed in the master bedroom in the house I grew up.  Except this house was bigger.  The dog was sleeping with me here too and she jumped off the bed.  I thought she was disturbing me from focusing on lucidity.  At this point, I’m not really sure if I am awake or asleep. I did the hands reality check and my hands looked funny like they were blending into each other but I still wasn’t sure so I opened the door to let the dog out so I could be in peace.  I went back into bed and she had come running back somehow.  Turns out the room had 2 doors to 2 separate hallways.  I let her out again and closed both doors.

I went back to the bed to try again in this part of the “dream” and woke up in a completely different bed.  This time it was a dirty looking room, dark paint on the walls, chipped, creaky bed, etc. I roll out of it and there is another empty bed in there.  I check my hands again and once more they were blendy and penguin like.  I was becoming sure now that this was a dream.  There were footsteps coming down the hallway.  Someone “kicks” open the doors and 3 unsavoury looking men come in.  I can’t really remember what happened but they didn’t seem to want to do harm to me.  Again, in my always sexually charged mind, I think they just wanted to do something with me.  I didn’t think I was in the mood.  I just know in the end I had tied one of them down, shirtless, by the wrists and ankles.  The one that had punky stylings, a tattoo of some words across his chest.  He was strapped down to the bed by some belts or something.  I went up to him before leaving the room and told him I think I met him before, either he went home with my bestie ages ago at a club or at least made out with her.  Well, I couldn’t really remember.  The tall, burly and big guy was just observing in the corner of the room.  I just left the room.

I looked at my hands again I think, because I knew I was losing control of the dream so I really tried.  I tried to visualize a place, mould my dreamscape.  Ended up on the side of a road, kind of barren hill on one side, which had an opening to a big park or yard.  Again I checked my hands and confirmed another time they were being weird.  I think this time I really got confirmation that I knew I was dream.  I recall actually jumping up and down in my dream.  I also think I felt my real body inside my bed at that point responding to me jumping.  Fearing that I would wakeup, I calmed down a bit and walked towards the park.  There I saw these dog-like creatures doing tricks, walking backwards balancing on balls.  Their owners were cheering them on.  When I got closer they didn’t really seem to be dogs at all but they looked like fat shih tzus with puggy noses.

After that I was losing focus again and almost waking up.  The images and sounds were fading in and out.  I really wanted to stay in a lucid state inside the dream world longer.

I tried desperately to think about something that would keep me in the dream so I thought about my dear friend, the good feelings I have with him, the warmth, the mutual respect, connection, etc.  Just wishing I could see his face, feel his arms around me and just be able to stare into his eyes but everything kept slipping away.  I think something else had happened in the dream too but again in a way that wasn’t as vivid as people say lucid dreams are.  Everything was really slippery, control or memory wise.

Anyways, I guess I am happy because of the progress.  Surprised that it is not as vivid as described.  Maybe I don’t know what’s real or never thought “realness” meant anything in the real world because sometimes it feels as fleeting and dreamlike.  I need to either retain more control or at least remember to meet myself, or a guide in the dream.

More practice should do.  I’m not discouraged.

Dreams 03.10.12 – W.I.L.D. part 1

I did not have any dreams the night of 03.09.12 but I did wake up this morning at about 7:30.

The plan was to head out to BPS to get something on sale for the husband and then swing by Ikea.  By 8:30 after he had gone to work, I thought to myself let’s try to do some Wake Initiated Lucid Dreaming techniques until 9:30, for practice and to see what comes of it.  I knew this would probably be pretty difficult, especially since I sleep with our bulldog who snores very loudly.

Anyway, I lay there and tried to ignore the dog’s breathing, kept as still as possible.  Told my inner voice to stop talking everytime it tried to start, disregard the feeling of the blanket, any itches I may have, just be still and keep my mind’s eye open and stare at the back of my eyelids without trying to use my actual eyes.  Some time had passed and my body was starting to feel numb.  I felt like I could still feel my body but there was no “danger” of me wanting to move it to disrupt the process but I still felt like if I tried just hard enough I would wake up instantly.  Then I started to see shapes and colors swirl behind my eyes.  Started off like s radar flashing then to some random things.  Then I thought it started to fade and slow down because I was trying to “see” too hard. So I tried to “step back” and not try so hard and at that the shapes and colors would move a little more again.  I never heard any weird sounds, although I think the sound of the dog was not as pronounced.  There was a time when I felt like my head and face was vibrating a bit.  Not at all as intense as some online accounts say they are.

Shortly after that, I had a false awakening experience.  I’m not sure exactly how I got from lying in bed to being up and OUT of bed.  I think I “woke up” in the dream thinking I was failing at this process and that I should just give up and try for another day. I turned towards my bedside table to try and find the clock or my phone but there was this cage-like decoration thing in the way (this is not something I own in real life) but in the dream it made perfect sense.  So I tried to reach around it to grab my phone, except I just knocked this cage-screen-decoration thing over, along with my phone and charger.  I remember thinking in the dream “fuck me I am clumsy” while staring at the bedside table.  Then my attention turned towards the lump of blankets on the bed.  I decided to do a reality check which in hindsight wasn’t really one.  My brain must’ve just confused the info I read about OBEs.  My reality check basically consisted of me poking the blanket where my body SHOULD be if I was still sleeping in it.  In the dream, I thought if I could feel my body through the blankets then that meant it wasn’t real and that I was dreaming.  But if I do not find my own body then yes I had awoken in the real world.

Of course this is specious reasoning.  If I was dreaming or OB, I shouldn’t be able to “feel” my physical body with my dream or astral body at all.  Anyways, I remember being pretty scared as I stepped forward to feel the blanket.  Then I psyched myself out thinking I felt a solid lump and I completely freaked out because that meant I was OB and I wasn’t really prepared for that.  So I let out a screech but it turned out the lump was the dog and she crawled to the edge of the bed and lifted the blanket with her head.  I was super relieved to see her and that’s when I thought okay, so I really did wake up – not dreaming.  Then my phone rang in the real world and I opened my eyes to find myself lying in the blankets, staring at the ceiling.  I rolled to pick up the call and my husband had dialled me by mistake.  It was 9:37AM.