The Car Search

Had no to low level recalls for a few days. Today is the 2nd day after the start of the “moonblood” flood and I had a pretty easy and perfect recall despite the same amount of little sleep. I haven’t looked back at my records that clearly but I think it’s safe to say that THAT theory stands.

Dreams 09.27.12
I was attending a sit-down annual company dinner for the ethnic tv station I used to work for. They still invite me every year and I am still on the payroll despite not having actually worked in over two years. I guess that’s good? Anyways, it’s usually awkward going to these things. I want to see all the old camera men, see that they’re all still healthy and happy. Only a few of the old assistants are still there but it’s nice to see whoever I know.

The weird thing is that I no longer work with them and also I feel like I have become such a different person that I am out of touch. It’s not like we were ever great friends but when I was there, we all really gelled. Anyway, in the dream it felt exactly like that. I showed up to the event feeling like an outsider. I was also late as usual and not sure where to sit. So I just walked amongst the tables looking for the camera department table hoping there was an empty seat. When I found it, I mostly just sat there like a freshly adopted kid, listening and observing the conversation with no contribution at all.

The dream skipped ahead to the end of dinner. Some of the early leavers were starting to get up to go. One of the older camera men Kit, asked me if I’d go get his car for him. He had just hurt his knee or something and would really appreciate the help. He already had his arm out, keys dangling in my direction before I had said yes. I grabbed them naturally even though I was hesitant because I had no idea what his car looked like. Then I sat down and started to voice my concerns. I said, “I’m not sure what your car looks like. From what I remember it was this boxy silvery grey thing, may or may not be a Honda.” In my mind I had a very functional and robust looking compact vehicle in mind – practical. Then Kit just said, “Oh don’t worry you’ll find it. It’s easy. It’s yellow.” I was still doubtful but now I was aware of everyone around the table looking at me. So I joked and said, “Okay…but YOU,” and I pointed to another old assistant who also no longer works there Freddy, “I need you to come with me. Please? You’ll know how to find Kit’s car.” I said this in a mock bossy tone. Somehow all these guys got all highschool on me and went oooooh, insinuating that I had a thing for Freddy. FAR from the truth. Anyway Freddy took the teasing graciously and said, “No you go, it’s easy. His car is a ____ (fill in a letter + number combo meaning a car model).” I had a vague idea of what the car looked like and a yellow one was indeed rare so I figured I should be fine. I got up to make my way outside.

The doors leading outside were like kitchen service doors, brushed chrome finish and they swung in and out with little round porthole windows. Through the round windows I saw that it was dusk and the sun was setting, orange and red in the horizon. It cast a golden glow over the hoods of the cars in the parking lot. It was kind of difficult to see color because of the bright sun shining in my direction but I walked on.

The parking lot did not look that big at first but it was. I walked around for a long time searching for a yellow whatever model of this car. Mind you, I only had a vague idea of what it looked like. I walked on for a long time, turning down different lanes with no luck. Not even once did I see a car that I thought might have been it.

Then I realized I had been walking around for close to an hour because the sun had completely set by now. It was dark, freshly night time with just a few street lamps in the lot. I thought to myself, “Shit! Kit must be waiting still and by now more people will be leaving and he’ll wonder where the hell I went.” I felt like such an idiot but didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to go back an hour later and say I couldn’t find his car. Then I saw Freddy walking my way. He saw me too so we walked towards each other. I told him I walked forever and couldn’t find the car. He was surprised but then he looked over my shoulder and said, “No it’s over here. You walked right past it.” Then he led me back about 50 car widths back in the other direction. Behind 2 other cars was a black looking Mazda 3 looking car. It was shaped differently than what I envisioned in my mind and a totally different color!

I was shocked and frustrated but thankful to Freddy for helping me find it. Then I wondered why yellow was ever mentioned at all because the car did not have a speck of yellow on it. As I was walking up to the car, I took out Kit’s keys in my pocket. The remote control’s plastic was yellow on one side, black on the other. Then I realized that maybe Kit had a slip of the tongue and described the car the wrong color by mistake.

Hippie Lawn Party

There is a party, most of it happening outdoors. There were close to a hundred people all doing various activities, mostly fueled by alcohol. There was an air of mild recklessness but overall everyone seemed to be having a good time. It felt as tho at any moment, a friendly fight might break out that could easily be broken up.

I am recording this over 16 hours after, as today has been a fairly full day, so there are lot of bits that’ve been forgotten. I remember one if husband’s old friends was there, he was a cute one, with a sly smile and boyish good looks. He was there happily drunk with his /fiancée on his arm. (I just saw that they got engaged on Facebook, I really don’t know either of them.) Then I heard husband say some snide remark about the state of his friend, about how he wasn’t ready, etc. He basically predicted doom. I was annoyed with him but just ignored.

I walked away to the parking lot for a bit to get away. I ran up to a white van where a cameraman I knew and his family was in, he laughed at me and asked if I wanted to join him for a smoke. I was leaning against his passenger window, talking over someone. I declined the differ because I would have to go back to my mother’s side and I did not want to smell like smoke. They started puffing away while laughing at me. Then they drove off.

I can’t remember the rest. Now it’s time for another dream, another sleep.

A Wake for the Unborn and An Unsuccessful Tryst

Dreams 06.02.12

It’s been a few hours since I woke  and some of the dream has already faded.  For the past couple days, the weather changed from hot and humid to cool and windy and I must’ve caught a mild bug. My body has been lazy and weak. I laid in bed this morning for about 2 hours fighting in my head to get out of it.  Anyway here goes…

I am at a gathering at my highschool bf’s house. There were a group of friends all together, we were all old (as in current age). We all sat at 2 tables of 8 each. It was some special occasion for the gathering but I did not know what. Then one of our friends looks at me and indicates that it was time to present our gift to my ex. Four of us stood up, they approached this thing, a glass case that could be opened. Inside there were various pieces of memorabilia of… I can’t exactly say what the items were but in my dream, I recognized that the glass and some pieces were my old things. Some were from back in the day when we still dated, some were just my old junk. I felt bad that we had made this weird gift to be presented to him. Why were we doing this? Then it suddenly dawned on me. The purpose of the gathering was a wake for his baby.  (He does not yet have babies IRL.) I was horrified at what we were about to give him.

Then I remember riding on a school bus with a bunch of other people that I wasn’t too familiar with but we were all going on a long road trip to participate in an activity. My phone battery just died.  I looked against the wall of the bus and saw wires and cables. I followed them and found them plugged and charging something. One plug was a micro USB, which was exactly what I needed for my blackberry. I looked around and asked loudly if anyone minded that I used the charger. A girl replied that she wasn’t the owner but it probably wasn’t a problem. So I plugged in anyway though I was a bit anxious.

Then I was in a small room with tile floor with my highschool ex. We were making out in this large closet size of a room, rolling around on the floor, giggling. There were towels and clothes all over the places so I felt like it was a laundry room but there were no machines in there.  I lay there on the floor and he got up and started putting up silver ducting tape across the door opening so that if anyone should open the door he would hear the rip and metallic crinkle – weird logic… Anyways, I was thinking I hope he is careful and doesn’t cut up his hands smoothing that tape down. This is an experience I had in real life. After he made his taping preparations, he came back on top of me and continued with our session. Just before he was about to put himself in me, we both hesitated because something was wrong. Then there was a knock on the door, followed by loud questioning from his mother.

We went outside and sat facing each other on chairs in the kitchen, hunched over. No one was none the wiser to what we had just been up to. His mom served us some kind of desert soup with sweet almond milk and sesame seeds  in a cup and I asked if this was his wife’s recipe. He looked a little annoyed with me and said, “Don’t mention her name now.”  I shut up and drank the soup, wondering where his Japanese wife went. Strangely I felt very little guilt.

 

Cottage Party

Dreams 04.13.12

Roommate and I are preparing brunch on the kitchen table at my old house. He was chopping something and I was grilling perch fillets on a panini press. We were going to eat and then go somewhere.

The doorbell rang, I ran to open the door and the I remember seeing at the table was that my perch was starting to burn. At the door, my mom and her bf were there. I was surprised because they were picking me up to drive me somewhere except I did not expect them so early. I told them to hold tight so I can get my shit together. I went upstairs to my room and started to put things in a bag. Shortly after though I noticed myself slowing down the packing, procrastinating and I knew I was making them wait. I felt a bit bad but didn’t actually hurry up.

After that I remember roommate and I arriving at a party. It must’ve been at a cottage or something. It was the kind of party where everyone had brought duffle bags and sleeping bags because as soon as we walked in the door, the front room was piled high with bags. We added our luggage to the pile and then my friend VN n her sister walked in the door. They had arrived already before but were just returning for a walk. They looked at me and non-verbally we communicated “We’ll see you in a bit to blaze.”

Then I was in a darker room with 2 queen sized beds, one in each corner. A chair was in between them, facing a TV on a 3 drawer cabinet. I was sitting in the chair with somebody’s 3 or 4 year old kid watching a cartoon on TV. The kid was talking to me, to the cartoon characters, to the TV. He was supposed to go to bed after he finishes his show. I loved having him bouncing around in my lap talking his baby talk. After the cartoon was over, he kept asking me if he could watch more. I looked at the other two people in the room who were chilling and unpacking on the beds. The consensus was basically that the parent wasn’t back yet so let the kid do what he wants and get tired, etc. So I waved at my hand at the TV, which wasn’t big but it had some kind of Kinect typed sensor control, to select another program.

Then the parent poked their head in the doorway and called the kid’s name. The kid ran to the parent. I was a bit saddened not to have him on my knee anymore.

Then another friend came in. Now suddenly I feel like I am in the consciousness of another girl or I was watching it. Whoever came in the room came in with a bottle of wine and an oversized wine glass and it took the entire bottle of wine leaving only about half an inch at to the top. The glass was passed to me/girl and “we” just glug-glug-glugged it down and got completely trashed. Then I remember the person who brought the wine smacking me/girl across the face to snap me out of it. I sobered up a bit and then the intention of the rest of the people in room, including me was to go smoke some weed.

We arrived in another room which looked kind of like a teacher’s office in japanese dramas. (LOL, very specific I know) Immediate to the left of the entrance was a bank of filing cabinets and papers. So everything beyond them in that room was initially obscured from my view. We continued to walk straight, then turned left around the cabinets. There were a few tables with food set up. People were sitting around them interacting. Some recognizable faces were there, Irish for example as well as DF.

As soon as I recognized DF, even before I walked close to the table, we gave each other a silent nod hello. I smiled happily at him. I was so pleasantly surprised to see him. It’s been so long. The seat at the end of the table beside him was empty and I approached it but we still didn’t say anything to each other because no one else in the circle of friends know anything.

After that I woke up at 5:30am in the morning because the dog wanted to go outside. When I went back to upstairs to bed, there was only about 50 minutes before my first alarm would ring. I tried to go back to bed to see if I could dream some more, hopefully more about DF in truth. I think my mind did wander and “dream” without actually falling asleep but I was too tired, I can’t remember any of it.

Dreams 04.02.12

I was following a small group of men to the back area of an industrial area – the persistent hum of heaters, dirty dumpsters, black pools of filthy oily water all around us – you get the idea. We were looking for something, not sure what. I was wearing a short black skirt, a white sports bra and sneakers, strange attire for the company of strange goony men and back alleys.

I split off from the group with 2 other men. We found 2 large metal doors, slightly ajar. We looked at each other and decided to go in. I said optimistically, “Maybe this is it!”

We swung the doors open wider, it was dark inside because of the contrast in bright sunlight outside. We had to adjust our eyes. Once we were in, we saw that it was just a small, oddly shaped space, like an empty garbage room because it wasn’t big enough or shaped in a way that would be useful for anything else. The walls were white but smears of something, probably garbage were all over the walls.

Obviously it wasn’t what we were looking for so we walked to the other side of the room to the open doors there that lead further into the building. I was leading the way and thought, might as well keep walking to see if we can find what we came for.

I think there may have been more before or after what I remember in the dream but I have no certainty about this at all.

Dreams 04.01.12

Dream 1:
I was leaving a tiny one room bachelor apartment, on the way somewhere with my mom. The walls were a vibrant blue-green (happier color than teal) with thick white trim around doors and floor. I wanted to wear these ivory mesh platform espadrilles trimmed with orange frills at the ankle but knew that I had to “work” where I was going and they would probably not be practical, or would hurt after a while. So I started to put on flats that were my mom’s.

She had already left, waiting for the elevator, literally waiting for me to slip shoes on to join her. I think I put on a pair of pink rubbery flats and she poked her head in and started yelling at me. Then I tried some flats that had blue carpet bag material, with little pink flowers and she yells at me for wearing those too. Then she said why don’t you wear your sister’s shoes? Over there!

I looked over at all the shoes on the floor, most were pretty flats or sexy heels. I couldn’t see what she was talking about. Then she said, under there! I looked again and saw a pair of old, frayed, black slip-on canvas (rockabilly style) oxfords with thick white rubber soles. They really didn’t look like they belonged to my sister. I don’t know why but I completely freaked out on her after that saying, “Really? These are what you want me to wear? They are so ugly, so un-feminine, so old and worn!” I was really yelling but I knew they would be comfortable for when I worked and walked everywhere that day but they definitely did not match my outfit.

Dream 2:
I was getting ready to veg and watch something on tv with roommate. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon. Sunlight was flooding through the windows. I sat on the side of couch facing our kitchen and as roommate stood up from putting a disc into the game consoles, I asked him, stuttering a bit at first, then straight to the point, “Do YOU think you have an addiction problem that needs to be fixed?”

Dream 3:
I was a PA on a production, but I was sitting by the sound cart. The scene took place in a wreck of a building with very tall ceilings. A group of people had gathered in it. They were all facing one direction as if in a church. Beyond them was just very bright. I don’t think it was a cult but it had a religious gathering feel to it.

Then they called “action” and it began. The group started to sing in unison, a song that sounded very folksy but hymn-like. When the take started, I flipped a switch on the sound cart to begin recording. The sound assistant next to me was keeping watch as well. I could see the levels on the indicator, little red LED lights flickering with the hymn. I thought we we were peaking too much at some points but was afraid to touch anything.

When the take was over, the sound assistant was unsure if it was a good take for sound. He seemed to think we didn’t really get it, that the levels were too low. There was a short discussion between the SA and 1st AD as the rest of the crew packed up to move to the next set. I was grabbing the pieces of the boom pole to set up for the next scene.

The next set took place in a theatre. There were no seats, just a bunch of steps that led down to the “stage”, which was not raised. Whatever area was at the bottom of the stairs WAS the stage. The sound cart was at the top of the steps, hidden away to the left side. The very fat sound recordist was already set up there, a boom in hand so it looked like mine was not needed.

Anyways, the scene had been lit and the ADs were bringing in about 10 extras. They were placed randomly along the steps and they were to stand, watching something happening on the stage below. I was twiddling my thumbs waiting and looking for an opportunity to do something when one of the ADs came to me and asked me to be an extra extra. I shrugged my shoulders and followed him to the 3rd level of steps.

Shortly after the scene started to play out. There was loud music playing and 2 male characters were on the stage, knuckles up, throwing wild punches at each other. The extras in the audience cheered on over the music. Although I should’ve bee standing in one spot pretending to cheer, I felt my vision move as if I the camera moving on a dolly, flowing behind the crowd, past their backs, slowly zooming down through their silhouettes to the main action of the fight.

Dreams 03.31.12 (Night)

Before I fell asleep, husband was talking about zombies so much. So guess what I dreamt about?

Again I don’t have much detail from the first half of dream but I will recount as much as possible.

I was visiting a friend’s house with another friend (a guy – who I cannot remember). It was a gathering of about 10-12 people for a casual dinner party. Sometime during the walk-about dinner one of the guests turned into a zombie and had bit and infected several other guests. Thus the running for our lives portion begins.

Me and the guest I arrived with ended up hiding in the upstairs washroom. Through the door we could hear the zombies attack and infect the remaining guests. There were sounds of screaming, fighting and gurgling bloody flesh. We could hear the house become quiet and through the window, we heard the group zombies go outside in search of more human flesh.

We slowly emerged from the bathroom peering around each corner cautiously. Then one stray zombie came out of nowhere and attacked us both. I picked up a random bloody axe on the floor and hacked away at its torso. I remember my chops except the first were all clean and I had almost completely chopped it in half as it stood.

I felt a hand grab me to tell me to run and so I did. When I looked back to acknowledge my companion, I saw that he was being eaten alive and I would not be able to save him. I turned in shame and terror and just kept on running.

Then I was arriving late to the airport. It was 20 minutes before the scheduled flight time when I arrives at the gates. When I tried to pass, my passport, tickets and papers were presented from my hand to the flight attendant but they weren’t quite it order. This tal, snooty black bitch looked at them, scoffed at me and made me put them in order. Then when I handed them to her again, she let me pass but gave me two receipts then indicated with a simple turn of the head that I would need to use the info on the receipts on a machine over in the corner to properly finish the check-in process.

I kept looking at the time, I had 15 minutes left, and I didn’t even know exactly where the boarding gate was. I didn’t argue and tried to ninja it through the questions and responses on the machine. I don’t remember what kind of questions they were. Nothing made sense. Anyways, another 10 minutes had gone by before I realized that if I had looked at the back of the receipts, I would’ve been done in 2 minutes. Frustrated that I only have 5 minutes left, I sped through and finished.

Then it turns out I had to drive an electric car-pod thing (think Minority Report) between terminals to get to my actual departure gate so I just kept thinking “delay delay delay!” Then I had to find parking. And as I ran up escalators and towards my gate, I seemed to always be against the current of people. There was nothing holding me back or slowing me, just an observation.

I remember the airport, like most in real life, had many large windows so everywhere you looked, the floor was touched with sunlight from a cloudy grey sky. As I ran, I had images of large icebergs and winter storms crashing against the coast (somehow I thought I was in Vancouver), causing a blinding storm with zero visibility, winds hurling the snow at horizontal angles, nothing but a misty wall of white approaching the tarmac and terminal building.

I don’t know if I ever caught my plane.

Dreams 03.31.12 (Nap)

My recall of dreams now is like only remembering the last sentence of a paragraph. What can I do to go back to increase my memory so that I have dream time that extends for hours or days like it used to?

Had a nap this afternoon but interrupted once so I barely remember 2 dreams. Correction, I barely remember the end of 2 dreams.

Dream 1:
Df and I were facing each other, starting to undress ourselves. I said, wait. Then we both turned around, closed our eyes while we finished undressing. We were to turn around again, open our eyes in sync so we could revel in each other’s nakedness. I think just as we were about to face each other I woke up because I remember opening my eyes to the real world, seeing my dog and husband napping beside me, then I tried to close my eyes to continue the dream.

Dream 2:
I was lying on my back, on a mat in a big open area, most likely under clear blue skies. There were other people as all around me on mats as well. It was some kind of mass fitness bootcamp.

From my position on the floor, it seemed not everyone were doing the same exercises. Some guy beside me was doing pushups, I was doing crunches and another girl further away was in some position I cannot remember now. The instructors were walking around, barking at us with the usual tough love style of encouragement, occasionally stopping to correct someone’s form.

I remember feeling like my crunches were easy and that either I was cheating or should challenge myself to an exercise that was more difficult. But I was also lazy so I was waiting for the instructor to come close before I would switch to another exercise. He was approaching and I kept doing my crunches. Then I woke up to a phone call.

Dreams 03.24.12

Dream 1:

It was NYE and “we” (not sure who) were party hopping between house parties and bars. I went to pick up exM at his parents house because he went to see them. I go to the washroom and then hear his parents arguing. His dad walks out and I can hear his mom crying. I hear his brother and him talking to his mom in the kitchen. She was sobbing a bit but was ok.

We left and then I just remember it was the end of the night. Our “group” was roaming about the city either trying to find our cars or grabbing a cab to carpool uptown. I remember from out of nowhere BigD (from df’s work) showed up out of nowhere at the end of his night with friends looking to catch a ride as well and maybe hoped for more.

Dream 2:
I was rummaging through a few storage containers of stuff roomie scammed from work, home, his dad. They consisted of various perfume and cologne packs, unmarked VHS tapes, shitty electronics, toys, etc. I hear people talking in another room, they are waiting for me. When I move the boxes back to their original positions, I see a bunch of Lego pieces on the floor, broken buildings and people (some where in half). It was like some kids had been playing there and a “bomb” went off to destroy the building and people.

Dreams 03.23.12

Dream 1:

A bunch of my friends from highschool were going to somewhere as a group, maybe a party. M (my ex), big E, J (my once arch nemesis) and my bestie were there for sure. The rest I’m not sure of.

We came upon a maze with 5 super narrow paths. Each of us went through one path.
When it didn’t seem to lead anywhere I jumped and climbed up to sit on a wall to look over the maze. My suspicions were confirmed, the maze had no exit. Somehow we made our way out and kept heading towards our destination.

One weird thing, it’s like everywhere we went was a set in a studio.

We came to an area with 2 circular stairways going up to landing with doors that led to other rooms. Some guy was up there hurling glass vases, globes at us. It was shattering everywhere and the ground was already covered with broken glass.

Then each of us ran past the arean dodging the glass objects bombing down around us. We all made it past but I don’t know if we made it to our destination.

Dream 2:
There may have been more to this dream but I just remember this scene. I am volunteering at an old folk’s home and I was cooking something in a pot on a hot pot stove and soup pot. I was fishing out bok choy out of of the boiling pot of water with long wooden chopsticks into a big bowl with noodles.

Dream 3:
This one happened in the morning when I had woken up about 8 in the morning then drifted back to sleep. I was making out on a balcony with df. It was bright, the sky was just white. It was very windy and my hair was down, whipping around our faces as we kissed. I was wearing a light linen dress that went down to my knees. Then he lifted me up onto the ledge and lowered me onto him. I remember being scared of falling off the balcony but he held on tightly as we continued with the makeout fuck.